We all know people who continually experience issues or challenges, and we all know people who seem to have never-ending good fortune. This could be pure luck, but it is also possible that we are in some way choosing a perspective, which in turn is creating an experience. It might not be a conscious choice, but it is nonetheless a choice.

Perspective is a point of view; a way of looking at or interpreting a set of events. We all have perspectives about our world and the circumstances we find ourselves in. And it’s your perspective that determines your experience in life, not your circumstances. While we cannot always change our circumstances we can choose to change our perspective at any time.

✔️ Reframing a perspective is a choice

The concept of “Reframing Perspectives” is an essential coaching skill that will help you to see things differently and, as a result, come to different, more empowering conclusions or feelings about events or experiences. The coach’s ability to reframe a situation for the client can provide a new perspective and, with it, new possibilities. Things that seemed impossible will seem possible.

✖️ Reframing a perspective is not about forced change

Reframing is not about pretending that everything is great or changing your mind because you feel you should, or because others tell you that you should. Instead, it’s an opportunity to consider alternatives, and look at how a change in being or action might improve an outcome. It’s about considering that there is more than one way to look at a given situation, and about considering or finding the “the silver lining” to a cloud.

The way you perceive a situation depends on the lens through which you view life's experiences, and these perceptions can vary greatly.

If your glasses have a yellow tint, every day when you put them on you will see the world with a yellow tint. Over time you might forget that your glasses are tinted yellow and you start to believe that the world, through your eyes, has a yellow glaze to it. By changing the way we see something, reframing our perspective, everything can look very different.

Example

You just started a new job and your first paycheck it was $100 less than you thought it should be.

😟 If you already believe that all workplaces are bad and run by evil people out to exploit you, you might be angry or even outraged. With this perspective you might go in Monday morning demanding an explanation.

😁 If you believe that workplaces are positive places, run by people who are inherently good or trying their best, you will respond differently. With this perspective you might see the paycheck incident as a mistake, made by well meaning people,  in which case you would go in on Monday morning and pleasantly let the Finance staff know about the error.

Either way your reaction or response is a choice.

Dis-empowering (Unhelpful) Perspectives

Many of our perspectives are helpful and support positive life choices. However, occasionally we feel “stuck” or “unhappy” with a situation in our life and can’t see a way forward. At times like this, a dis-empowering perspective, which doesn’t allow us to see the full range of possible options or opportunities, may be standing in our way. This is where discerning the perspective that is creating the situation and then re-framing it can be extremely powerful.

Below are some of the common Disempowering Perspectives

Filtering and Over Generalising
This involves fixating on the negative aspects of a situation while disregarding any positive elements, or making broad conclusions based on an isolated incident. Often leading to inaccuracies in judgment.

eg. I performed badly on a recent quiz so therefore my chance of passing the final, or any future, exam is doomed.

Polarized Thinking
This is often called ‘black and white’ thinking, where things are perceived as as entirely good or bad, right or wrong, perfect or a complete failure, leaving no room for middle ground. It’s an all-or-nothing approach without nuances or middle ground.

eg. First day on a new job I make a mistake. I am going to get fired for sure!

Mind Reading
Making unfounded assumptions about what others are feeling, why they are behaving a certain way, or what motivates their actions without concrete evidence to support these assumptions. This can lead to worry or self doubt and create undesired outcomes.

eg. I haven’t heard from my friend Alex in a week. I don’t think they like me anymore.

Personalization
This perspective involves believing that the actions and words of others are directed at oneself, even when that may not be the case.

eg. My coworker made a comment that is critical of a project I am working on. They probably don’t like me.

Control Fallacy
The belief that one is responsible for everything and everyone around them, leading to a sense of excessive responsibility and stress.

eg. My child has come home from school upset about not getting into the choir. I have failed them as a parent because it is my duty to fix everything for them and avoid them experiencing disappointment.

Fallacy of Fairness
This entails harboring resentment because of an unrealistic expectation that life should always be fair, which can lead to frustration and disappointment.

eg. Your colleague has received a promotion. There is no way they worked as hard as you. Life is so unfair!

None of these examples feel good, right? That’s because they are disempowering. They are a collection of negative or irrational beliefs, distorted thinking, and self-limiting attitudes that hinder personal growth, self-confidence, and the ability to take positive action. By reframing a perspective, the feelings of pessimism with flip to optimism, with a focus on future possibilities rather than past failures.

Empowering (Helpful) Perspectives

Below are some alternative perspectives to the dis-empowering perspectives listed above. Try reading each of the fifteen dis-empowering perspectives followed by an alternative empowering perspective below:

Imagine two individuals, both considering applying for a new job

😟 Person A …might approach the job application process with a sense of dread.

Their frame is characterized by doubt, fear, trepidation, and pessimism. They wonder if they are good enough for the role, whether they'll be successful if they get the job, or even if they'll be considered for the role in the first place. The very thought of writing an application, presenting in an interview, or taking on the responsibilities of the new role fills them with anxiety and apprehension.

😃 Person B in contrast, looks at the same opportunity with a rush of excitement and anticipation.

Their frame is one of trust, curiosity, courage, and optimism. They believe in their qualifications and are genuinely curious about the possibilities this new job could offer. The idea of crafting an application and presenting in an interview is seen as a chance for growth and a new adventure. They approach the process with the belief that even if they face challenges, they have the resilience and skills to overcome them.

WHY?

There is a simple and powerful question that can help someone to re-frame an unhelpful perspective. You may be familiar with it from childhood. It is “why?” Often in life we accept particular perspectives as “reality”. People pick up all sorts of limiting beliefs and internalize them as the “truth”. As children we are much less willing to accept other people’s “truths” easily.

Have you ever tried telling a three year old a “truth”? Immediately they will ask “why” and then “why” and then “why” until they finally get to some information that aligns with their sense of the world. As adults, when we find ourselves accepting a perspective that is unhelpful, we need to remember what it felt like to be a three year old and ask “why”.

When we discern a particular perspective, it can be incredibly illuminating to simply ask “why?” Often you will find that there is no real reason for the limiting perspective, you have simply picked it up on your life journey and never found the time or distance to question it.

An example.

A coach was coaching a senior manager of a large organization. Let’s call her Sandra. Sandra asked for coaching to assist her with a major challenge that she was working on: finding revenue for the expansion of the customer service area. This challenge was taking up huge amounts of her time and making her lose sleep due to stress. There appeared to be no easy solution. The coaching conversation went something like this:

Coach: Why do you need to expand the customer service area?

Sandra: Because there’s not enough space to have everyone in.

Coach: Why isn’t there enough space?

Sandra: Because the building was made to house 28 customer service staff and we now have 50.

Coach: Why does the building need to house them?

Sandra: Because they need to work there.

Coach: Why do they need to work there?

Sandra: Because that’s where they work.

At this point, Sandra began to laugh because she realised how silly her answer sounded. Simply by asking Sandra “why?”, her coach was able to help Sandra to discern a perspective she was holding, i.e. that her staff all had to work in the same building.

Once Sandra had discerned this perspective, she was able to see some alternative perspectives that had been hidden to her up until that point, i.e. that much of the work the staff did was computer and internet based and could be done from anywhere. Rather than coming into the building, staff could avoid commutes and work from home. Simply by asking “why”, her coach was able to help her to discern an unhelpful perspective that was causing her a great deal of difficulty in her work and to re-frame it to come up with solutions.

he ICA Coaching power tools are a set of dualities; opposing distinctions that are positive vs negative. They can be used to ‘frame’ and then ‘flip’ a perspective.

➡️ Responsibility vs Blame

In any given situation you are either taking responsibility or you are blaming. 

When we are blaming someone or something else, we are actually giving away our power and positioning ourselves as the victim. Responsibility is about giving up on the chance of a different past and focusing on choosing the future. When we take responsibility we take back our power.

➡️ Action vs Delay

Could. Would. Should! Procrastination loves the company of delay.

Action or the very act of "getting into motion" is extremely powerful and is the catalyst used in coaching to create change. Taking the leap and moving forward. Putting dreams, planning and goals into action.

➡️ Commitment vs Trying

‘Trying’ can be a very disempowering and exhausting.

It is easy to feel helpless when you’re in ‘trying’ mode; like there is no hope and that your only future is more failure. One way to break free from trying is to consider that there actually is no such thing as ‘trying’. You might say, ‘What about when I’m lying on the sofa watching television? I’m not committed to anything then.’ Actually, that is exactly what you are committed to at that very moment: lying on the sofa watching television. And maybe that’s OK. Becoming aware of what we are committed to at any time can be a liberation in itself!

➡️ Respect vs Invalidation

Most of us were 'taught' respect as a set of rules – ‘Respect your elders’, ‘Respect your teacher’ etc. Respect is much deeper than that.

When we disrespect or invalidate someone, we do more than just disagree with them, we communicate to them that they or their feelings do not count in any way. But, if we remove judgement then we can respect and recognise a person as an autonomous, unique, and free individual. It means that we value and acknowledge their right and capacity to make their own decisions.

➡️ Lightness vs Significance

To have lightness is to have freedom, flexibility and curiosity about life.

Significance shows up most often when we are attached to a particular outcome and can only see one possible pathway and allow no flexibility within that. When this significance is attached to life’s hurtful or disappointing events, there is no lightness – it feels heavy, burdensome and draining. Having a light approach to life is about reliving joyful feelings, or focusing on the future with positivity.

Imagine carrying around an old, heavy suitcase of life. When you open it, you see hurt feelings, betrayals and failures. This suitcase is very heavy. Do you want to drag it around for the rest of your life? What if you approached each situation and new and different context, and took on a perspective of curiosity, and even play.

➡️ Truth vs Fraud

The question of what is true and what is not has been the subject of philosophical debate throughout human history.

Your truth as an individual is derived from your beliefs and life experience. This is the lens through which you see your world. Your judgments are shaped by your interpretation of your truth. There is no actual objective, total truth. All truth is conditional on its context. A fraud is a person who is an imposter, acting like someone he or she is not. And even though we might be able to convince ourselves that what we’re are doing is right – thoughtful attention to the fact might present an alternative truth.

Take for example, a car accident. When police officers interview witnesses to a car accident, they often get different accounts of what happened. Although each person witnessed the same accident, their version, or opinion, of what actually happened varies depending on where they stood, or their point of view.

➡️ Responding vs Reacting

At any given point in our lives, we are either responding or a reacting - and there are consequences to each.

Where reacting is automatic and limits possibilities. When we react to a person or event we have taken the focus off them and what they are saying or doing and placed it on our own feelings. Imagine you are white water rafting and are constantly being splashed in the face. After a few minutes you’re annoyed, frustrated or even angry. In this reactive state you might even misplace your annoyance by yelling or snapping at your guide or your fellow rafters.

However, responding is an action of choice, and one that creates opportunity and trustworthiness. When we respond, we focus solely on the situation or issue at hand. Unlike reacting we are not hurried, or in the moment, rather we take our time to consider the options, to look consciously at the situation before we reply.

➡️ Trust vs Doubt

Having doubt can sometimes be the first step in creating change.

One of the reasons we doubt is because we believe that for something or someone to be worthwhile or have value they must be perfect. But, what if we took on the idea that everything is, in fact, perfect? It’s the glass half empty vs half full concept - people who are on the lookout for something to go wrong vs those who lean towards finding a positive in everything.

Although the Power Tools are presented as dualities, we know that life does not always present as black and white, or good and bad. Life is, in fact, a multitude of colours, including a fair deal of grey. It is within this context that we view the Power Tool distinctions. They are not a definitive ‘answer’ or the only option; instead, they are a ‘frame’ we can use to start new conversations, try out new ways of thinking, or experience new ways of living.

FlipIt’ is a coaching framework for change, developed by International Coach Academy. It is a 4 step process for resetting our lens and adopting a fresh way of 'seeing the world’. It is a way to move from where you / or your client is now to where you / your client wants to be; to transition from a current state to a desired future state.

Step 1: Find It

Dealing with change isn't easy. We often put it off to another time because we don't know where to start.

An important step to making meaningful change is to fully and properly define the problem. This might sound easy, but it can often take weeks, or even months, to work out exactly what the issue is that is holding us back or causing us unhappiness. Einstein is quoted as having said that if he had one hour to save the world, he would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem and only five minutes finding the solution. The clearer we can be about our problem, the better chance we have of finding a solution.

Step 2: Feel It

It is important to connect with how you feel about your issue

Sometimes in life we jump straight into fix-it mode and skip the step of expressing feelings and connecting them to the issue. When you don’t allow time to feel your emotions or sit in your feelings, any changes you make are less likely to be sustainable. No matter what you do, or how positive you are, the unacknowledged feelings will always force themselves through.

Step 3: Frame It

At any given time, we are looking at our world through our own personal 'frame'.

We all see our issues through our own personal lens. And our perceptions can vary. For example, a skydiver might look out of the aeroplane window and be filled with excitement and anticipation. They are looking through a ‘frame’ of trust, curiosity, courage, optimism etc. But, someone who doesn’t like heights might look out that same window and be filled with dread. Their ‘frame’ is one of doubt, fear, trepidation, pessimism etc. The event is the same, but each person has their own experience or frame.

Step 4: Flip It

Trying on a new perspective is like trying on new shoes; you need to walk around in them for a bit and see how they feel.

The final and most exciting stage of the process is to 'FLIP’ your perspective. This is where you consider a new perspective and can make choices or decisions that will most likely create positive change in your life and/or the lives of those you care about. Take your time to sit with this new perspective as you work through the process below. It is possible that after you reflect and “try on” this approach you may feel it doesn’t quite fit. If this is the case feel free to choose a different perspective.