Research Paper: Head way / Heart way

Preferences  /  habits  on  sequence  in  decision  making  is  equally  spread  between

HeadàHeart & Heart à Head

In cases of Head, Heart ‗disagreement‗  on a decision; majority chooses to go the ‗head way‗

Feeling of confidence & comfort in decision making is significantly high in situations where there is‗ sync‘ between Head & Heart vis-a-vis when there is no sync

Significant  majority  agrees with the hypothesis that : ―   When your Head & Heart are in agreement on a matter , there is no dilemma , peace prevails ―        & consequently also agrees on the necessity to resolve any ‗  conflict ‗  between Head & Heart

While there is overall similarity in responses of Men / Women; certain remarkable distinction also emerged, as follows:

Survey Conclusion

Majority is aware of & in fact uses a combination of Head & Heart ways in decision making , though there is  a higher  tendency in using  ‗    Head way ‗    than ‗    Heart  way ‗    .  This may probably have to do with our academic upbringing which is largely based on ‗left  brain‗mechanisms, Alignment with own values is important while making a ‗call from the heart ‗

In decision making both sequences of (i) Head à Heart & (ii) Heart à  Head are equally prevalent – Although this indicates dominant style of a person, it may also be circumstantially influenced. There is not much difference between men / women on this.

There is a significantly high level (90%) of confidence & comfort on decisions where both Head & Heart are in sync. Not surprisingly, there is a widespread conviction that sync between the two results in a good, peaceful decision.

Different mechanisms to achieve resolution when faced with Head-Heart  ‗    conflict ‗    on a decision are : (i) Check alignment with own values (ii) Use flexibility , adjustments , especially evaluating future implications (iii) Allow more time , use meditation for clarity & calmness

E) Ways To Get Head & Heart Sync

Reasons for disagreement

You can imagine disagreement between Head & Heart as disagreement between two people. Possible reasons can be

Communication gap (one is  not  in  touch  with  one‘s  feelings; needs more awareness, presence)

Misunderstanding (insufficient clarity in thoughts; haziness on ‗what  do  I  really  want ‗   ) –getting to understand underlying beliefs / values.

Lack of trust (one not in ‗touch‗ with self; diffidence, self-doubting unsure of ‗what I want ‗) Ego (complexes, false notions)

Options to ‘ sync’

It‘s like  the Heart has not opened the doors of its house to this thought which is carrying a recommendation note form head. The heart will not be opening its doors to strangers (thoughts) but only to the familiar / friendly thoughts.

Key to make the passage of a message from head to Heart easier , is to make the thought more ‗familiar‗ to the heart for it to be open to it.

Using analogies, some options can be:

(I)Make the thought more familiar, friendly to the heart : Keep on chewing the thought till it becomes fluid enough to pass through( just like it happens in digestion ) . This will require a process of introspection &constant internal dialogue.

(II)Use process similar to osmosis to pass fluid in one direction from one compartment to another through a selectively permeable membrane :Allow time for the Heart to ‗think‗  & the Head to ‗  feel ‗  ; which will help create the relative osmotic pressure.

(III)Bring Head & Heart closer: Connect with inner self through facilitative processes like meditation. Get in touch with underlying beliefs values.

What meditation does is to offer a chance to mature on the emotional plane. Perfect emotional maturity comprises Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. It is present when one is not caught in fluctuations and vicissitudes, where one has balance and clarity and is able to be receptive and sensitive.

Application in Coaching

If the decision hangs in disagreement between the Head & the Heart, it‘ll  lead either to indecision  /  procrastination  or  a  compromise  –  which  will  be  either  inaction  or  an unbalanced decision (in-equilibrium).

This will lead to discomfort, diffidence, which will eventually mean inaction / delayed action & loss of time, energy , positivity .

Coach‘s obligation to client is to provide clarity, harmony / comfort, facilitate action , build capacity .  It‘s  hence pertinent  that the coach  intervenes in a situation of Head –Heart dilemma, via following measures:

Bring in realization of holistic decision making & that there are 2 necessary ways of approaching decision which makes it holistic.

Understand & help client understand his / her default or dominant approach on Head / Heart ( Various tools like ‗  32 point test‘ are available )

Consequently create realisation also about the need to supplement the approach ( Head way or Heart way ) which is currently less dominant with the client .Facilitate process which will help this supplementation. Sensing , visualization v/s logical deductions.

Use a two way ‗temperature  check ‗for good decision making — Think right, Feel good.

Always ask client:(i) What does he think (ii) How does he feel facilitate  processes  for  internal  harmonization:  Meditation,  contemplative  sessions, getting to know about self-values, beliefs. This will create larger awareness in client about holistic decision making

Conclusion

Consciously or  otherwise ,  our  decision process involves two  different but  potentially complimentary pathways: Head way , Heart way . Wholesome , sustainable & peaceful decisions require coherent collaboration between these pathways . Any disagreement , discord between the two causes both ; suboptimal decision & disharmony in mind.

It is important to realize that different individuals will have different approach to decision making as their dominant style ( with varying combination of Head / Heart way ). It therefore becomes an important coaching task  to bring in realization in client on need for a holistic process ( Head & Heart both ) for sustainable & harmonious decisions , on one hand; and awareness on what is  one‘s  dominant  style , on the  other  . This will  help  facilitation process to supplement that aspect ( Head or Heart ) which is not his current dominant style.

Understanding about the process of  ‗   thought assimilation  ‗   between the Head & the Heart will help choose suitable mechanisms to help harmony between these two aspects. This will include  things  like   (i)  Greater consciousness  on  criticality of  both aspects & developing  ‗ internal  flexibility  ‗    to  allow adjustments  (ii)  Allowing time  to  mull  over  ,  reflection  on implications , checking alignment with own value system (iii) Creating sustainable internal harmony by developing calmness , comfort with differences , connectivity between Head & Heart . Processes like Meditation may help achieve an overall sense of comfort & calmness.

References

How we decide‖– Jonha Lehrer

Predictably irrational‖—Dan Ariel

The power of your subconscious mind‖ – Dr Joseph Murphy

Google search on ―Rational / Emotional thoughts ―&  various related topics

Own concept note for the proposed book ( Head & Heart )

Original exploratory research among 25 respondents