Below is a picture of a typical right handed, normally organized person and how their eyes may move, depending on what they were doing in their head.
By noticing what people are doing with their eyes, we can get a fair idea of what they are doing in their head. One such example could be a client who is looking down and to their right, which means, they are looking into their kinaesthetic quadrant. (For a normally organized right handed person. Left handed people or reversed organized people would be a 180 degree opposite of this diagram.) So we could ask the person, “How do you feel about that?” and as we know they are accessing their feelings at that time. Now there is more to eye patterns than just that, however this is an example of how eye patterns could be used in coaching. If they looked up to their left, then we could ask, “What did that look like?”
Let’s look at strategies next. We have strategies for everything that we do. As an example, we will have a different strategy for buying something we like as we do for buying something we don’t like. There are strategies we run throughout our lives for everything we do. By utilizing strategies, we can help the client figure out what strategies work for them and which don’t. In coaching we also talk about the strategies a client may have that either empower them or disempower them.
In NLP we talk about the 5 principles of success. These include:
- Know your outcome.
- Take action.
- Have sensory acuity.
- Have behavioral flexibility.
- Operate from a physiology and psychology of excellence.
It is important to know your outcome and what it is that you want to achieve. In coaching we refer to this as having a goal.
You can have the greatest goals in the world, but you don’t take any actions, then nothing is going to happen. Thus it is important to take the appropriate action.
When we talk about sensory acuity in NLP, it means being able to notice what is happening with the client. Notice when there is any shift in them. These may include amongst others, a colour change (example maybe getting a bit redder in the face,) change in breathing location or pace, pupils dilation, skin tone or lower lip size. In coaching it is important to be able to notice what verbal and non-verbal signals the client is giving us. An example would be if you ask a client how confident they are in achieving their goal and they say “absolutely confident.” Yet they are looking down and dragging their foot across the ground as if they have no confidence what so ever. (Almost like Eeor in Winnie the Pooh.) This is not congruent with their statement that they are confident. So what is really going on? That is what we would need to determine.
Behavioural flexibility in NLP means to say that if something is not working, then it does not help to do the same thing again and expect a different result. In fact it was Einstein who said the “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Imagine talking to a client and they are just not getting what you mean. How else can you explain what you mean so that they do understand? Imagine if somebody didn’t understand what somebody was telling them and the other person then just talks louder, as if that was going to make a difference. We need to be flexible in our behaviour so as to assist the client. That translates directly to what we would do in coaching. Another really simple example may be that we ask questions differently if the client did not understand what we meant before.
Operate from a physiology and psychology of excellence. Let’s use the example again of somebody saying they were totally motivated, but their foot dragging across the floor and head hanging down is not congruent with that. Our psychology is just as important. We need to operate from a point of belief in what we are doing, or we can actually have a detriment effect on our outcome. If you “try” to do something half-heartedly you will naturally not have the same results as if you gave it 100%. The way in which you hold yourself and the thoughts you have about yourself are important.
This is certainly also true in coaching. As a coach we must have belief in our client’s ability and a real desire to want to help them achieve their goal. If not, then as a coach we are failing our client.
In NLP the following model can be used to assist clients in therapy. It can also be used as a great start or add on to a coaching model. The questions are for the most part self-explanatory.
Begin by asking yourself: “How is it possible that they don’t have it now?”
- Stated in the positive.
“What specifically do you want?”
- Specify present situation.
“Where are you now?”
- Specify outcome.
“What will you see, hear, feel, etc., when you have it?”
When stating the outcome you want the client to state it:
As if now (It is the, specific time and date, and I have achieved, whatever the goal was.)
Make it compelling. (You want a goal with oomph. Not a goal that has no real draw to it.
Be sure future picture is dissociated. (So they must see themselves in the picture.)
- Specify evidence procedure.
“How will you know when you have it?”
- Is it congruently desirable?
“What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do?”
- Is it self-initiated and self-maintained?
“Is it only for you? Do you have control over what happens?”
- Is it appropriately contextualized?
“Where, when, how, and with whom do you want it?”
- What resources are needed?
“What do you have now, and what do you need to get your outcome?”
- Is it ecological? (The goal must not be to the detriment of anybody, including the client, family, society or the planet.)
I think you would agree that as a coach these questions can be very powerful if used in the right context.