Knowledge on the exact day that life would end would certainly stop self-sabotaging and decrease anxiety.
There might not be knowledge on the exact day and time, but there is certainty that it will end.
Maybe one would work less, appreciate the sounds of nature, learn to play a musical instrument, relax more, maybe forget grumpiness, drive slower and enjoy the journey, not take people for granted, smile more, make that trip always dreamt of, bake with love, complain less, love more, do more picnics, take more pictures, enjoy the sun, appreciate the rain, and create time for what really matters.
Tell me dear reader, what is it that really matters to you? All the dreams, all which make your heart beat faster, lighter, and happier.
As a coach, and as a friend, I frequently ask people what their biggest regret in life is.
Some deny having regrets, a few go quiet, and others share their heartache. But why ask this question, one might ask.
I use it as a trigger, as a call for reflection on the importance of living each day to its fullest and in acting upon making the changes longed for, and acting on living each day as if it was a dream coming true…and it is!
As a believer I trust that everyone is born to have a joyful and fulfilling life. Joyful does not equal lack of challenges. Joyful living means bringing forth the tiny sparklers that activate a sense of lightness and satisfaction within the self.
Certainly anyone who still hasn’t started living a true personally meaningful life can do it before it’s too late. What matters is what is important to you!
YOU!
It is your life, anyway.
Have you ever wondered that the world as you know it came into being when you did? That this world that you know intimately exists only because you exist? Have you thought that the day your life finished, so will your world?
What can you do to make the best of this world so unique?
Living a life regretting what wasn’t done, conforming, and just watching days passing by, equals grieving over an unhappy premature life loss.
It is at times when one only lives to regret, when one struggles to cope with difficult events, when one seems unable to make changes longed for, or when one doesn’t know which direction to follow, that coaching can provide excellent support.
Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here? Asked Alice.
That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, said the Cat.
I don’t much care where, said Alice.
Then it doesn’t matter which way you go, said the Cat. (Alice in Wonderland)
And so I ask, would you really want to go just anywhere, grubbing any given course in your life or would you appreciate choosing your path?
Have you ever wondered how it is that you really and intentionally want to live your life?
Coaching aids clients in converting the confusion, the how’s, the what’s, the where’s, into a clear perspective, and an attainable action plan, designed according to each individual reality.
Where are you now in relation to the life you wish to have?
Megginson stated, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” And you, I, and everyone else live in a world of change!
Importance of Adaptability to Change
There is an established fact about change, it will come your way whether you resist or embrace it.
Even without realizing, one adapts constantly and adjusts…to seasons, to seasonings, to accents, and to an endless list of options. Changes might not always be a choice, but need not be battled either.
Adapting to change requires flexibility and versatility. Flexibility represents attitude, it is the willingness to adapt, and is expressed in traits such as tolerance, positivity, and respect for others. Paele has introduced the truth regarding positivity’s outcome: Holding positive attitudes contributes for positive events in life.
Versatility is the ability to adapt; it is an aptitude, such as resilience, vision and attentiveness. Resilience means knowing how to overcome challenges, knowing how to keep on going, and is a powerful trait.
Adapting to change can be both, scary and natural. Scary because fear is a survival mechanism and the unknown, unplanned changes, trigger fear. And natural when one understands this truth: if one doesn’t create change, change will find a way to happen anyway. Therefore, embracing change is a choice. Making smart choices might be the key for life satisfaction.
Choices hang around all the time. What to have for breakfast, cereal, toast, or eggs? Read, watch TV or go out?
With each decision made, there is a loss of other options. Most people, despite location and culture, have experienced occasions when personal or situational challenges seemed overwhelming and unchangeable. In such occasions, many give in to outer forces, and abandon life plans, and disconnect from the purpose of living.
Some, sadly, just shadow life and complain…complain…complain.
Stillness, negativity, and fear, can be paralyzing and can remove the very joy of living if not attended to and if not intentionally investigated.
Acknowledging fear and understanding where it comes from can be a life changing experience.
The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. Brené Brown.
If not as fear, how can this feeling be defined?
The past is a report of progressive journey. But living in the past is a waste of life, a waste of time, a waste of heartbeats, a waste of now.
Why waste the now if now is the only thing, if this very moment is all there is?
Learning lessons from the past, reflecting on them, saluting them and moving on equals choosing to live. Choose to live!
It’s not what happens to you that makes the biggest difference in your life, it’s what you make of what happens that matters most. Ken Robinson.
The future holds the promise of infinite new beginnings, new opportunities, and new learning possibilities. However, when the future comes, it comes as the now.
The more you are focused on time – past and future – the more you miss the now, the more precious thing there is. Eckhart Tolle.
A Powerful Conversation Enables Each Change
In an authentic coaching conversation, opportunities for situational investigation, understanding, untangling of thoughts, change, and implementation of actions, arise.
Consider these:
Food for thought:
Imagine yourself at a bookstore. Your eyes go through endless piles of books until one catches your eyes. When you hold it in your hands you see a confident face at the cover. You are holding your own biography in your hands. Its title is “How I’ve owned my life, the dreams I’ve accomplished, how I’ve learnt to appreciate my time, and how I changed what I could.”
How does it feel? Would you appreciate living more of your given life? Come on, time has been generous in sharing itself equally with everyone. And time has been forgiving in providing you with chances for new beginnings. What are you waiting for?
Paulo Coelho states that
One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.
Here are a few coaching strategies to support you in your intentional living:
Investigate your inner source – Every current state has started at some point.
Avoid comparison
Martin Seligman says,
Being in touch with what we do well underpins the readiness to change.
Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your unguarded thoughts. The Buddha
Locate moving propellers within yourself – Whatever your reasons for wanting more of life and this time, follow your drive and chase your desire.
Find joy in your own life
Brené Brown’s approach to joy is
twinkle lights are the perfect metaphor for joy. Joy is not a constant. It comes to us in moments – often ordinary moments. Sometimes we miss out on the burst of joy because we’re too busy chasing down extraordinary moments.
Commit to be more
Prioritize Empathy
I still remember years ago, my mother had just undergone surgery. My father went to the hospital to pick her up and drive her home.
I went along and I was so happy and so relieved, my mom was alive!
I was about 12 years old back then.
On the way home my father had to drive through a very bumpy road and my mom was in pain.
She begged him to go as slow as he could because every movement was very difficult. As my dad drove slower, other drivers were honking impatiently, swearing, accelerating aggressively. I remember looking back from my seat and seeing a driver’s furious face.
Why was he so furious? What could possibly be a good reason?
I learnt my lesson very early. Be gentle!
No one really knows what the other one is going through.
Get your relationships in order
Convert your strengths & positive attributes into fuel
Martin Seligman shares that,
being in touch with our strengths establishes the readiness to change.
Make smart choices
Frances Coombes contributes that if you have a belief in a purpose that you really care about…then all
your thoughts, actions, achievements and goals will flow together towards realizing your dreams.
Be flexible
Align
Find your avenue of expression to add more enjoyment to your days
Whatever you do, search for your channel for expression of your likings, the channel that best allows you to be in the moment.
Take your Time
A few words on gratitude, awareness, and mindfulness
From all we tend to take for granted such as listening to the sounds of nature, admiring the top of a mountain, the smell of a freshly cooked meal, a smile across the street, to life itself. Appreciating moments allows for a different beating in the heart, an authentic lift from something that suddenly happens and is treasured. That’s living a purposeful life; that’s intentionally not leaving room for regrets and unwelcome thoughts to kick in.
Now it’s time for you to acknowledge what is holding you back and act upon truly living. Remember that there are always other ways. Understand yourself, choose wisely and determine the kind of quality you dedicate to now. I wish you no regrets from now on, I wish you a now full of presence! I wish, when your time comes, you started now.
What is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught… (Frank Sinatra)
You don’t own time. Are you ready for mindfully living your life? Tic Toc.
Works Cited
Alice-in-wonderland.net. http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/resources/chapters-script/alicesadventures-in-wonderland/chapter-6/ (extracted October 20, 2015).
Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing, 2010 pg. 80 & 82.
Buddha, the. Good Reads. https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/8546232-thinking-ascreation(extracted October 20, 2015).
Coelho, Paulo. Good Reads. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/594264-one-day-you-will-wake-upthere-won-t-be (extracted October 20, 2015).
Coombes, Frances. Motivate Yourself and Reach Your Goals. Hodder & Stoughton, 2013 pg.63.
Megginson, Leon C. Good Reads. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/18875-it-is-not-the-strongest-ofthe-species-that-survives (extracted October 20, 2015).
Pausch, Randy, & Jeffrey Zaslow. The last Lecture. Hodder & Stoughton, 2008 pg. 138.
Peale, Norman Vincent. The Power of Positive Thinking. Prentice-Hall, 1956.
Robinson, Ken; & Aronica, Lou. Finding Your Element. Penguin Books Ltd, 2013 Pg. 17.
Seligman, Martin. Flourish. Free Press, 2011.
Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Way (extracted October 20, 2015).
Image: Little Things: Some day we will all day. Dec 16, 2015).