Session outcomes
These questions provided Miss H with a provisional structure for her goal. As she felt this was a challenging goal for her to reach she embraced the idea of giving herself rewards as she achieved steps towards the final goal. We discussed what resources she felt she needed to make available to facilitate her goal. She decided that once she had located all the relevant paperwork (there were 3 or 4 pensions that she had acquired from a variety of employment, but she had ‘filed’ all the paperwork in different places and not in any order) she would create two spreadsheets, the first would detail the various pensions she had and the second would be what costs she would incur during her retirement. Miss H also felt that she needed to learn more about the financial terminology and thought it would benefit her to attend a workshop on retirement planning and funding. She wanted to do some research on the internet to investigate the possibility of recruiting a Financial Adviser that would be able to assist her once all the paperwork was in place. The action that leapt out at her was as she had now passed her 60th birthday it was time to start taking action and she could not procrastinate any further. The challenges and hurdles that may throw her off track she felt was simply the enormity of the task. So we evaluated methods of making small steps rather than trying to complete the whole goal in a weekend. Miss H had the full support of her husband in this task. We discussed timeframes and when she felt she would be able to start on this goal and she committed to starting action the following weekend by locating some of the paperwork and putting it in order.
Rewards to celebrate completed actions
This topic of sorting out her pension really felt like a huge chore for Miss H, one that she really didn’t want to do. The famous Mary Poppins when trying to convince her wards to take medicine sang a song with the words in “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down, the medicine go down”. Perhaps Miss H needed a spoonful of Mary Poppins sugar! When the subject of rewards for her actions came up, she mentioned how she rarely rewarded herself for anything. In this topic of conversation the fact came up that due to work commitments she had recently missed out on a visit from her niece and her new baby. This admission had a huge emotional impact on her and for a while she shed a few tears. She told me that her niece was planning to be in the area later in the year and she was hoping to see her. I enquired whether she would think of it as a reward if after spending time at the weekend sorting paperwork out, she could take her reward in the form of calling her niece to organize and plan this visit with her. This turned the tears into laughter and she felt that this would be one of the best rewards ever!
We also explored how she could reward her actions by investigating the possibility of starting a new adult education recreation class in the near future to assist her gain the life balance that she wanted. To try something out of the ordinary, to take a different path than the expected and enjoy all the possibilities and opportunities that life could offer her. This thought excited Miss H and she concluded that this was something she would certainly do.
The second session
The next session that Miss H and I had together was very enlightening. It appears that an unpredicted road block halted her journey in the form of an important project at work; consequently little action towards her goal had been taken. She had been unable to give herself any reward and was feeling slightly deflated.
Discovering fear
I reintroduced the question about what was the most challenging part of sorting her pension was, I noticed a shift in her energy and felt there was something she was not being honest to herself about. Her tone of voice lowered, she seemed hesitant and even though it was a telephone coaching session, it felt as if she was closing her body up in a defensive manner, similar to that of someone facing a fear. So as a good coach I became curious and pointed out to her that I had noted this shift in her and out of curiosity asked what was making her fearful about sorting her pension and why in her very “organized” life she had allowed this to fall into disarray. After a nervous giggle, she replied she didn’t know. It felt as if her perspective on this subject was not aligned. To explore this possibility further I asked “Pensions are for old people – are you fearful of getting old?” This question had the effect of making Miss H giggle like a school girl. Miss H acknowledged that she was having an “aha” moment! She then went on to say that her mother had kept her age secret from her children all her life and it was only upon her death when they saw her birth certificate that they learnt her age. Avoiding getting old was a deep rooted belief that Miss H had been given throughout both childhood and her adult life. As a combination of this deep rooted belief and consequent realization that she was getting older, fear had been allowed to step in and had caused her to ‘hide’ all her pension paperwork in different places and not deal with it. This had the consequence of “I can’t see it, it can’t be happening syndrome, it also validated her belief that she was not getting old and therefore did not need a pension. This fear had paralyzed her from taking action.
Changing patterns of behavior
Fear can be a very restrictive emotion. To break down fear the starting point has to be acknowledgement of the fear, then it has to be changing patterns of behavior to make this fear appear less intimidating. Miss H had taken the first step to overcome her fear by acknowledging it and realizing it was holding her back. It was now time to change her pattern of behavior and look for a solution. She needed leverage to move herself forward and help her feel braver, so I asked her the following questions:
- What will you gain by holding onto this fear?
- What is the ultimate consequence?
- What will it cost her emotionally, with her finances and health?
- What will she have to give up or miss out on by allowing this fear of growing old to control her life?
- What has she already missed out on?
- What will it cost her in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years from now if she continues living this way?
Reframing perspectives
After Miss H had answered these questions she had the leverage to move herself into action. However there was still a hurdle in her action plan that was causing some delay on her journey. This was her mindset was that pensions are for old people. To move Miss H forward past this hurdle and towards her goal, her perspective on her pension needed to be reframed. I enquired if she had been a student in her younger days and if she had received a student grant or loan to see her through her student times. She confirmed that she had been in receipt of a student loan. I invited her to consider if she viewed herself as a student of life, to which she replied she felt she was. Then I asked her to consider how it would feel if her perspective could be reframed and instead of thinking of this income as a pension that old people got, she thought of it as a student loan, which would assist her with her lifelong learning. Simply relabeling this money and using terminology that made her feel young again, completely shifted her energy from the negative I can’t do this to the positive of yes I am young again and I am planning my student income and my future. It was decided that from this day forth the money that she would be receiving when she gave up work would be referred to as her student loan for her to enjoy the adventure of being a lifelong learner. She would be planning for her future not her old age.
You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old! George Burns
The third session
This was the session in which the goal suddenly felt like a heavy burden to Miss H. She had broken a tooth during the week and other issues had completely prevented her from taking action over her goal. She stated that she felt completely overwhelmed. A few weeks previously during a coaching session with my peer coach we were discussing being overwhelmed and she shared with me that she had a situation in her life that she felt overwhelmed by, she related to this as having too much on her plate. So to overcome this she decided to put a plate on her kitchen counter and make cards with tasks on. She would take a card and decide if she wanted to deal with this particular task at this point or leave it until later. I liked this idea and suggested to Miss H that she could use a similar scenario with her tasks, instead of having just the one plate though I suggested she have an appetizer plate, an entrée plate and a dessert plate. As she was sorting through the paperwork she could put it either on the dessert plate (important) – I suggested to Miss H that we used the dessert plate as items to be dealt with first and referred to the saying by Jacques Torres:
Life is short, eat dessert first.
Miss H decided the entrée plate would be the 2nd important paperwork, followed by the appetizer. Miss H resonated with this idea and took it as her takeaway.
The journey continues
By the fourth coaching session Miss H had made an active start to reaching her goal. She had started the spreadsheets and had discussed with her husband what their financial requirements would be when they stopped working. Some of the paperwork had been found in its variety of hiding places and sorted and filed appropriately. The plate system we had discussed previously was used and found to be helpful.
Miss H was on a positive high during this session; she informed me that she had never received any paperwork through the post previously about retirement planning workshops. She was amazed that after having discussed this topic in one of our previous sessions such an item had been delivered to her mailbox. The workshop was going to be held in two weeks’ time and she was planning on attending. She felt it was karma at work, providing her opportunities to take one step nearer her goal. During this conversation the terminology that Miss H used was always her student income rather than the dreaded P word!
I have recently read a book by William O’Hanlon called Do one thing different; this book is about solution based methods of therapy. As coaches we are always quick to say that coaching is not therapy, it is not about solving problems from the past, but taking the person from where they currently are towards their future goals. However the methods he uses in this book help coach people to change patterns of behavior that have previously been destructive to them into ones that help them achieve their goals. O’Hanlon claims that changes in behavior patterns have to be repeated regularly in order for them to become habit. It is thought that changes in behavior should happen repeatedly for at least 30 days to become a habit.
Using this method introduced to me in this book I supported Miss H to change the pattern of her behavior. This change in the pattern of behavior that Miss H was now discovering had the effect of raising her energy level to a more positive plain. She had overpowered her fear by relabeling. Changing patterns of behavior can take perseverance, so I encouraged Miss H to use this relabeling as frequently as she could and encourage others to do so around her.
In addition to the excitement she was experiencing from striding towards her goal, she also rewarded herself and had taken time out to speak with her niece to arrange a meeting for later in the year.
Summary
This case study has demonstrated in two separate instances that if you face fear, acknowledge it then take steps to stop procrastinating, the previously unachievable becomes conceivable.
In such a short time Miss H has grown through the process of Life Coaching. Acknowledging and acceptance of fear is very empowering and can make the impossible possible. Simply changing the perspective of fear can change a person from a state of paralysis to a state of action. My coaching relationship is continuing with Miss H and on the last session she admitted to me that she has now successfully accumulated all her “student loan” paperwork together and has it in order to take the next step.
This case study has provided an amazing insight into how the coaching process can help change perspectives. I believe Miss H through this experience has gained a new self-awareness of herself, been given a different perspective to view her life and the opportunity to reward herself with things that bring her joy.
In completing this case study I realize that I have grown as a coach. I have realized that looking outside the box can provide new opportunities and acknowledging your fear enables you to move forward and allows you to be the best you can possible be. I am sure I shall face fear again in my life, however I will try and remember the success I had when I faced it previously and will look for solutions to overcome it. I will try to remember what Franklin D Roosevelt said:
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank ICA for bringing this task before me.
My wonderful Peer Coach – Sue Martin for helping me to see outside of the box
The amazing Miss H, without whom I would not have had this case study.
George Burns, Jacques Torres and Franklin D Roosevelt for their inspiring quotes.
William O’Hanlon (Author of “Do one thing different”) for giving me inspiration to explore changing patterns of behavior.