According to Martina Schmidt-Tanger (Schmidt-Tanger 2004, pp. 79-82) the following criteria make a professional coach:
3. How Nonviolent Communication® can contribute to Coaching
Giving consideration to von Schumann’s and Schmidt-Tanger’s consolidated findings and bringing them together with Nonviolent Communication® it becomes obvious that NVC® can contribute to openness, appreciation, trust and transparent cooperation in the relationship. Beyond that it can improve a coach’s listening skills and their ability to give appreciative feedback.
Coaches trained in Nonviolent Communication® are very used to switching between the I (own feelings, needs…) and the YOU (empathy for the client) position, bearing strong emotions and influencing their own inner state (thoughts, feelings). They have also developed the ability to observe without evaluating – a prerequisite for a true estimation of the client’s ‘operating temperature’. Steering the ‘operating temperature’ is insofar of significance as neurological research suggests that an appropriate emotional involvement is a prerequisite for enduring change since the likelihood of change is biggest when the emotional excitement is on a medium level (Schmidt-Tanger 2004, pp. 72-78).
The interplay of the two variables ‘safety’ and ‘challenge’ which are to be steered by the coach determines whether the brain is reorganized and lasting change happens or not. When coaches challenge their clients too little, their emotional involvement is too low, and as a result it was just ‘nice that one has talked about it’. When coaches challenge their clients too much, their ‘operating temperature’ turns too high, and they react with resistance, withdrawal or courtesy-rapport (Schmidt-Tanger 2004, pp. 72-73)
4. Conclusion
The explanations above suggest the following major contributions of Nonviolent
Communication® to the quality of coaching:
A. Empathic Listening
Empathic Listening is broadly recognized as an essential active factor of forming successful relationships in coaching (Migge 2005, pp.55 and 552). Empathy means to leave the own terrain, to switch off the judgment program in the head and to be present to see the world with the eyes of the other person (Scharmer 2007). When coaches listen empathically they help cool down the ‘operating temperature’ of their clients and contribute to a growth of safety and trust. This can be necessary when clients recount incident after incident and trail away in the swirl of emotions. In such situations it is indicated to direct the client’s attention to the overriding meaning (Wehrle 2011 b). By listening empathically in the spirit of Nonviolent Communication® coaches focus their attention on what their clients might observe, how they might feel, what they might need or what they might want (the four steps described in the table under
1.). Instead of – as customary – asking for information without really joining in the reality of the client (e.g. ‘How do you feel?’), they open their heart, forget about their own agenda and see the world through their client’s eyes (Scharmer 2007). Occasionally they reflect back in their own words and in an interrogative way what they have heard (e.g. ‘Are you annoyed about the behavior of your colleague because you need a fair cooperation?’). Especially due to the strong focus on needs which is typical for NVC® clients regain connection with themselves and get to the core of the matter and are then able to say what they want to do in order to move forward.
B. Offering Sincere Feedback
When the coach has built a bridge to his client and grasped his way of thinking, acting and feeling through empathic listening, he has established the foundation necessary to invite the client into another world because confrontation is only successful on the basis of a trusting relationship (Migge 2005, p. 574). However, as already mentioned, a certain amount of confrontation is mandatory for lasting change. Yet confronting increases the risk of overheating the client’s ‘operating temperature’. This risk can be strongly minimized when coaches act in the spirit of NVC®. Feedback like ‘I think you would be better off if you…’ can easily be received by clients as a judgment of their insufficient problem-solving ability.
It might be honest but does not pay attention to the self-concept of the other person (Posé 2010). In contrast to this kind of feedback coming from what Sonja Radatz calls the ‘door viewer’ attitude (Radatz 2006, p. 18), a coach in the spirit of NVC® does not claim to know better. Instead he uses his ‘I associations’ (Schmidt-Tanger 2004, pp. 79-80, Wehrle 2011 a) to confront the client with his own ‘truth’ in that moment – indicating very clearly that it is his truth and not ‘the’ truth: ‘Having heard from you that neither X nor Y changed the situation to the better, I am somewhat clueless because I am asking myself what other options might be thinkable. What other possibilities can you imagine?’ (The four steps described in the table under
1.) Thereby the client is challenged to concentrate on solutions and resources – without having the impression that he has to defend or justify his current situation and approach. This kind of feedback is empathetic in the sense that it takes into consideration what the other person might be able to cope with (Posé 2010) and it contributes to openness and a transparent cooperation.