Benefits of a Coaching Approach in Parenting
The benefits of taking a coaching approach in parenting can be summarized in the following areas:
Coaching builds up the child
Parenting with a coaching approach focuses on building up the child rather than solving their problems. Based on a belief in the child’s innate ability and his or her tendency toward integration and growth, the coaching parent shows a genuine interest in the issues and perspectives of the child by asking and listening. This autonomy supportive approach gives the child a chance to articulate the issue, off-load the emotion, learn to solve problems themselves and will leave them feeling valued and respected.
Coaching encourages responsibility
Through active listing and providing choice, the coaching parent works through influence rather than authority. The child takes the responsibility for the outcome of the coaching issue. Although rewards, punishments and other controlling measures are at the disposal of the parents, they are out of reach for coaching parents assuming an equal relationship with the child. The controlling measures may appear to be effective; they take the responsibilities away from the children.
Coaching nurtures creativity
By withholding judgment and using an autonomy supportive approach, children are encouraged to explore and experiment. They can follow their naturally inquisitive and curious minds. The fun of learning and the ability to think out of the box are very often suffocated by the overly directive style of communication from the adult, the school and society. Harvard University Professor Teresa Amabile said:
The desire to do something because you find it deeply satisfying and personally challenging inspires the highest levels of creativity, whether it is in the arts, sciences, or business (Pink, 2009, p.116).
Coaching allows that desire to come forth.
Coaching fosters resilience
Drs. Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein (2001, p.5) pointed out that, among other qualities, resilient children feel special and appreciated. They have learned to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves. They have developed the ability to solve problems and make decisions. They are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They have effective interpersonal skills. The coaching approach is an endeavour to foster all these qualities in children.
Coaching develops cognitive and metacognitive skills
Coaching as a process of finding one’s own solutions encourages problem solving as well as self-observation through heightened self-awareness and changing perspectives. This approach supports the development of cognitive and metacognitive skills.
Coaching improves communication
Effective communication depends more on how well a message is received than how it is delivered. Parenting very often evolves around how to convey a message to a child. A coaching approach asks parents to focus on listening. Active listening aims at making the child feel heard and understood. Parents put aside their authority in order to create a safe environment for children to express ideas, feelings, problems, etc. They show genuine interest and are non-judgmental. This communication style empowers the children. Especially for adolescents and adult children, coaching can greatly improve the communication between parents and children.
Conclusion
In the face of many new challenges in today’s world, parenting should also focus on developing a child’s ability to self-generate and to become an effective learner. Coaching can be a useful tool in assisting with this endeavour. A coaching approach gives the parents a new way of relating to and interacting with their children. It can greatly improve communication and increase the chances of raising self-reliant, self-motivated, competent, compassionate, creative and resilient children.
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