Types of problems:
- Practical problems- are obstacles we encounter that prevent us from reaching goals. Eg, a cancelled cheque may mean you have no money in your bank account to pay an important bill.
- Emotional problems-are our reactions to a perceived problem.ie,the upset you feel about the cheque being cancelled. The practical problem is real . it exists no matter how you react to It .The emotional problem in contrast is your unconscious choice about what meaning and reaction to give to the practical problem. In addition, there is sometime a third type of problem:
- Imagined problems- are the ideas that a practical problem exist when it does not. Perhaps the cheque has not in fact been cancelled or the situation can be rectified in a few minutes.
When a problem occurs, you choose how to react to it. When you react negatively, it is generally with two reasons:
- You have got the facts wrong-the situation is not as you see it.
- You have got the facts right and believe the situation inevitably has to lead to a particular negative response. Your thinking might be entirely conditioned – ie, you may not be aware of the thoughts leading to produce these emotions, only that you must respond to the situation and the response appears to be unavoidable
COLLIN’S ABC MODEL:
A The activating event:
(or what you are AWARE of) i.e. the situation, event or problem you are facing acts as a trigger to set off a pattern of feelings and behaviors. This may be an external event in the present or a future event you are anticipating. It may also be an internal event, a picture in your mind or a memory.
B Beliefs:
your automatic ( negative/toxic) beliefs and thoughts which include your unconscious rules ,values and principles for yourself ,the other people and the world. The self- talk determines the meaning you attach to the activating event.
C Consequences:
these include your emotions and physical feelings and your actions and behavior (wanted or unwanted)
There are positive ABC and negative ABC depending on your thoughts and further the consequences. Activating agent remains the same.
How to break negative ABC?
Example:
Here I end this research paper with a strong thought that WE ALL HAVE CHOICES ,WE ARE THE CREATOR OF OUR OWN DESTINY.
CASE STUDY:
This case study is how acceptance can bring a change. To accept something first and foremost is to be able to identify your reaction, or after feeling of a reaction, secondly, to be able to explore and visualize which thought provokes that reaction. Once the thought is identified more exploration is needed to find out why that particular thought is alive. After exploration, the client can see himself holding to some belief which may be working for him in the past but now has become an irrational belief.
Once the belief is seen it’s up to the client whether he wants to challenge this belief. If he decides to challenge his belief, the coach helps him with various tools and techniques like to let him form some belief that supports him emotionally. After which, the support is there so that client can form a structure to be able to practice and absorb this new belief.
Self-awareness:
through cognitive behavioral technique
I am very thankful to BRAHMAKUMARIS whom I used to listen to on television.
I am a housewife married with two children. Culturally, I was brought up by an Indian family with a belief that man earns and its okay for a woman to raise children and look after them. I was happily married and became a proud mother of a baby boy in 1995and a girl in 2000.My husband used to travel a lot so I decided to live at one place and look after my children. I made a choice to be a house mum.
I was raising them happily and moved to Singapore, and I found life challenging. It’s a fast moving society and whenever I used to meet any new people they would ask me if I am working ,I started to become bitter with the feeling that I am a housewife. We changed many places in Singapore and ultimately bought our own home. I had a friend whom I used to be with was very knowledgeable as since childhood I had a passion of learning. She was also a house mum, but totally different .She used to look after herself very well and her two children. In heart I wanted to learn from her but somewhere I was bitter.
What happened that whenever I used to meet her, from outside I am enjoying with her but inside there was a bitter feeling. In any exchange of views only I would become harsh or my heartbeat would go faster and my ears would become hot. Those days, I use to listen to brahma kumaris and started reflecting or visualizing my thought. They used to teach us that we have a choice to see our thoughts and our thoughts create feelings