Research Paper: Supporting Parents and Single Mothers to Raise Self-Reliant Children Thru Coaching

1. What kind of activities in our daily routine will encourage my child/children to be responsible?
2. Our unspoken messages are equally as important as the tone of our voice and the words we use.
3. What words and actions can you use to teach and motivate your child to think, plan and anticipate the results of their actions?
4. In what way can you communicate the word cooperation to your child/ children?
5. What structures can you put in place to achieve cooperation and success?
6. How do you encourage curiosity and observation in your child/ children?

Allowing our child/ children to think by themselves grows out of learning that one’s own ideas have value and that they are worthwhile and effective^{4, p.141}. Self- reliance is teaching our child/ children how to think- not what to think^{3, p.151}.

1. How will you generate independent problem- solving?
2. How will you remember to ask questions instead of giving answers?

If our goal is to influence and empower our child/ children, then our behaviour needs to flow from this belief. We ask ourselves: will my influence be positive, productive and responsible or negative, unproductive and irresponsible^{3, p.16}?

Parents develop for their child/children a network of support through the following life messages they can give everyday^{3, p.72}:

1. I believe in you
2. I trust you
3. You are listened to
4. You are cared for
5. You are very important to me
6. I know you can handle life situations

Having a self- reliant child/children is a necessity, a challenge and a benefit.

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you Dr. Wayne Dyer

Conclusion

If we do not perceive our children as capable of solving problems or making decisions, we will often delay teaching them these very important skills.

1. It is vital that we not only desire this need but also recognize this need.
2. That we are willing to let go of the old tools and begin using those that can serve us and our children better^{3, p.1}.
3. That we become aware of the inappropriate, ineffective or destructive tools that we are using^{3, p.2}.

Coaching is the one tool that can support the parent/ parents to self- awareness, providing encouragement, motivation in a non-judgemental and trusting place, to sustain their desire to reach this goal.  Children don’t need a lot of no’s, any mini lectures, unnecessary questions, warnings, or dictates. What they do need is support, explanations, encouragement, opportunities to be responsible, and invitations to think for themselves.

Philip Grevin, author of Spare the Child,

The past holds a powerful grip upon the future by shaping feelings, actions and beliefs in the present…

References

Brooks, R. and Goldstein, S. (2001). Raising Resilient Children. New York; Mc Graw-Hill
Samalin, N. (2003).Loving without Spoiling. New York; McGraw- Hill
Coloroso, B. (2002). Kids are Worth It! New York; Harper Collins
Braun, B. (2010). You’re Not the Boss of Me. New York; Harper Collins