Learn how to be vulnerable by taking small risks in which the consequences aren’t harmful. Inherent in all risks are feelings of anxiety and vulnerability. By giving yourself assignments to take small risks, you give yourself the chance to get used to uncomfortable feelings, in a safe manner. (Weisinger, 2009).
The good news is that with time you can cultivate vulnerability and the more often you practice the easier it will become. Cultivating vulnerability is about making choices. Choosing to be authentic and real. Choosing to be honest. Choosing to show up and allow our true authentic selves to be seen. Cultivating vulnerability is about having healthy boundaries and reaching out for help and support when we need it. It’s remembering, as Audre Lorde stated,
… that visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength (2007).
Connections to Coaching
The International Coach Federation defines coaching in the following way:
Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today’s uncertain and complex environment. Coaches honor the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful and whole (2013).
Helping clients cultivate vulnerability in their lives is definitely one way to help them feel more fulfilled, enhance the quality of their lives, and reach their potential. In The Genius of Instinct Dr. Weisinger stated,
Most therapists would agree that as a person becomes more accepting of her vulnerabilities, she becomes less likely to try to hide them; rather she becomes more comfortable in understanding them and looking for productive ways to diminish them. The end result is a more enhanced individual (2009).
Guiding clients on a process of self-discovery and helping them become more comfortable being vulnerable is a huge gift that coaches can provide.
Sharing appropriately, with boundaries, means sharing with people with whom we’ve developed relationships that can bear the weight of our story. The result of this mutually respectful vulnerability is increased connection, trust, and engagement (Brown, 2012).
Coaches can provide a safe space, with clear boundaries, for clients to explore risking, trusting, and cultivating vulnerability.
Applications in Coaching
There are many ways that coaches contribute to clients cultivating vulnerability. Key is the atmosphere of confidentiality, trust, and safety that is created in a coaching relationship. Within that container clients are able to open up, risk, and explore new territory at pace that feels comfortable to them. Often clients share things they have never spoken before. Emotional intimacy is created. Through the coaching process clients often end up risking, taking courageous steps toward living more authentic and fulfilling lives. This is cultivating vulnerability.
Themes to explore in coaching
There are many topics that coaches can explore to enhance or deepen the vulnerability that is being cultivated in a client. Some possibilities are:
Resources [PV3]
Conclusion
Cultivating vulnerability means being willing to accept uncertainty, having the courage to take chances, and choosing to be authentic and emotionally intimate. “It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen” (Brown, 2010). Our vulnerability is our potency. It’s not a weakness; it’s something everyone experiences. Vulnerability isn’t oversharing; it’s having healthy boundaries and knowing when and with whom to share our stories. Vulnerability is about knowing when to ask for support.
Cultivating vulnerability is a daily practice, and the payoffs are worth it. Increased fulfillment, happiness, and meaningful relationships are just some of the many benefits. Cultivating vulnerability is directly related to life coaching, as often vulnerability is created and enhanced through the relationship between a coach and client. There are many topics that can be discussed during sessions to deepen this exploration of cultivating vulnerability. Through embracing and cultivating vulnerability one can learn to fully step into living an authentic, fulfilling, enriching life.
Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in, (Brown, 2012).
References
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York, NY: Penguin Group (USA), Inc.
Brown, B. (2013). About. Retrieved June 15, 2013 from: http://www.brenebrown.com/about/
Bryant, J. H. (2009). Love leadership: The new way to lead in a fear-based world. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Dale, S. (1992). My child, my self: How to raise the child you always wanted to be. San Mateo, CA: Human Awareness Publications.
Goldstein, N. E. (2009). The challenge of the soul: A guide for the spiritual warrior. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications, Inc.
International Coach Federation. (2013). Coaching FAQs. Lexington, KY. Retrieved June 15, 2013 from: http://www.coachfederation.org
L’Engle, M. (1980). Walking on water: Reflections on faith and art. Wheaton, IL: Harold Shaw Publishers.
Lorde, A. (2007). The transformation of silence into language and action. In Lorde, A. Sister outsider. (40-44). New York, NY: Ten Speed Press.
Weisinger, H. (2009). The genius of instinct: Reclaim mother nature’s tools for enhancing your health, happiness, family and work. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.
Vulnerable. (n.d.). In Merriam-Webster dictionary online. Retrieved June 15, 2013 from http://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/vulnerable