Gratitude was another important element of my journey as I continued reflecting in a gratitude journal that I had from years before. I added to this journal on a weekly basis, at a minimum, and looked forward to finding more and more reasons to be grateful (and still do). This practice had an amazing impact, particularly moving the focus to the positive aspects of my life. Summarizing the finding from studies to date, Robert Emmons of University of California at Davis says that those who practice grateful thinking “reap emotional, physical and interpersonal benefits”. People who regularly keep a gratitude journal report fewer illness symptoms, feel better about their lives as a whole, and are more optimistic about the future. Emmons conclusion is that gratitude is a choice, one possible response to our life experiences (Counting Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves your Health, B. Campbell).
“People First, Things Second” is another key concept that has been emphasized on my journey. People are made to be loved while things are made to be used. Sometimes it is tough to keep this area balanced when our culture places such an emphasis on things. However, we hear many stories of people on their deathbeds who when asked what they would have done differently, they respond with something to the effect of wishing they had spent more time with their families instead of being so focused on work or other things. An unnamed preacher once gave an audience a self-test for determining where their treasure and heart were really located and it went something like this: “Do you love people and use things to help them? Or do you love things and use people to get them?” Raising awareness to how many times the things on my list came before spending quality time with the important people in my life was key to my turning point in this area.
It is amazing how my adventure with International Coach Academy (ICA) also contributed to my personal and professional growth. My first peer coach came at the beginning of my ICA journey when my decision to have a consulting business was tested as I was tempted with an amazing corporate opportunity. My coach helped me go back to my values and purpose and guided me to ensure my actions were in alignment with who I was and what I wanted. The result of our work together was my decision to stay on the same path. More recently I took on my second peer coaching experience which helped me with my self-care needs when I was putting myself last. I fully believe in the airplane oxygen mask metaphor to “put on your own oxygen mask before helping those around you”; in other words, “take care of yourself first or you won’t be any good to anyone else”, but I wasn’t applying it. When I first set out to improve in this area, I was convinced that taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally would provide the results I was looking for and allow me to give more and better to my family. And although I was a woman of faith, I wasn’t tapping into the spiritual aspect in quite the same way. But when I got stuck attempting approaches I used to rely on, I realized I needed to rely on a higher power. There is no question that relying on God at another whole level was and is THE solution for me, that only by focusing on my spiritual needs would other needs be met. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33, New International Version)
What was clear to me was that I needed to relate to myself in a deeper way, that the surface stuff was not going to work in order to overcome the more complex challenges I was facing. The biggest challenge and test in my own balancing act was also my greatest blessing, not just my son with a heart of gold and a laugh that would make anyone stop and smell the roses, but the ability to be present enough to savor those moments and experience the joy that goes along with them. God made it very clear that I needed a big challenge to open my eyes, to look to Him for solutions, to rely on Him to provide what I needed and as a result, I am living my life with more integrity and balance and I am able to be more present and experience true abundance and joy.
Conclusion
Coaching is defined as “partnering in a thought provoking creative process that inspires clients to maximize their personal and professional potential” (International Coach Federation). Ultimately, what full potential looks like is defined by the client, but it is typically something like the best someone can be according to their core- their beliefs, values, purpose, priorities and goals – while living with integrity as their actions are aligned with their authentic self. The Purpose Driven Life sums it up well, “Living on purpose is the path to peace.”
As my coaching practice focuses on the leadership/executive/career coaching realm, I didn’t expect to write a paper with an emphasis on the need for spirituality; however, my personal journey, along with witnessing many others’ journeys, took me in this direction as it showed me that the power of this aspect can be significant and may be overlooked or underestimated by many on their quest for fulfillment and joy. All aspects of our self need to be discovered and nurtured, some aspects more than others based on our personal situation at any given time. If we want to be successful (of course with that definition varying for each of us), we need to be willing to dig deep to discover our true self and increase awareness to how we can balance our lives more realistically. Surface stuff is just not going to work anymore, especially as our world becomes increasingly more demanding and complex.
I raise these various concepts that accompanied my journey so that they may be considered in all niches of coaching even though I have found, as many coaches will attest to, that the heart of all coaching is really life coaching when it comes down to it. By using these concepts and approaches we can help our clients work on the issue they came to us for while they experience much broader impact in their lives as we help them find more balance and live authentically, allowing them to reach their full potential.
We all have our own story. The story I shared is a personal journey of discovery – gaining greater awareness of my core and my need for spirituality to be in the lead – and a journey of balance with new awareness that it’s an ongoing journey, not a destination just as “life is a journey, not a destination” (Ralph Waldo Emerson). What’s your story? What’s at your core?
Works Cited
Avigdor, B. S. and Greenberg, C. L. What Happy Working Mothers Know. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2009.
Ban Breathnach, S. Simple Abundance. New York, NY: Warner Books, Inc., 1995.
Butterworth, B. Balancing Work & Life. New York, NY: Doubleday, 2006.
Campbell, Bruce "Count Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves Your Health", CFIDS & Fibromyalgia
Self-Help. (http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/counting-your-blessings-how-gratitude-improves-your-health)
International Coach Federation (www.icf.org)
The Human Element LLC (www.humanelementllc.com)
Warren, R. The Purpose Driven Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002.