Discovering Your Inner Child
In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play. Friedrich Nietzsche
We identify our inner child by many of the traits and emotions he or she exemplifies and allows. The inner child can be energetic. He or she can be creative. He or she can become emotional. The inner child may be fun-loving and joyful and at other times fearful and upset. He or she embraces his or her emotions rather than ignoring them or holding back.
To discover who our individual inner child is, we can imagine ourselves during the most memorable times of our childhoods. This time may be a positive or negative part of our personal histories. Who were we? What were we doing? Were we fun-loving and playful or hurt and abandoned? Were we nurtured and well-cared for? Did we feel, accept and give love? Once we know the answers to these questions, we can better understand our inner child and how he or she is currently being treated.
Setting Your Inner Child Free
To set our inner child free, we first need to understand how we are currently hindering our child. Often times, we treat our inner child the way we experienced our childhood. We were taught at a very young age how to treat ourselves. If we were abandoned and forced to grow up quickly, our adult self may be serious and harsh. If we were highly criticized as a child, we may now be very critical of ourselves without room for error. For insight into our current treatment of our inner child’s, we can ask ourselves the following questions:
If the answer is “no” to the majority of these questions, our inner child may be stifled.
If the answer is “yes” to many of the questions, yet we still do not feel “lightness”, our inner child may need to hear messages of forgiveness and assurance. We can ask our child what he or she needs to hear. The answers could be “I’m sorry”, “Forgive me for ignoring you all of these years”, “It is okay to make a mistake”, or “I love you and you are perfect just by being you”.
Once we have given and received forgiveness, we can begin to bring our inner child back to life. We can set him or her free through play. Play may be using building blocks, coloring, dancing or singing. It may feel odd at first to allow ourselves to play. But allowing play allows creativity to flow through. It can transform negative emotions into positive emotions. It allows us to be and do without judgment. There is no right or wrong answer during playtime.
Another way to set our child-self free is to nurture and love ourselves. Often times, we find our happiness by serving others. While serving others can be a great form and extension of love, we must remember that we need nurturing, too. It is okay to be “selfish”. It is okay to accept gifts and favors from others. It is okay to allow others to care for us. It is okay to pamper ourselves and show ourselves self-love.
We can set our child free by being compassionate with ourselves. We are compassionate when we forgive ourselves for simple mistakes. When we make a mistake, we can laugh about it. We can stop the self-judgment and allow ourselves room for error.
We can connect to our inner child through creating new experiences. It can be as simple as disrupting our normal routines. It can be trying a new gym or taking a different route to work. We can immerse ourselves in nature and feel a renewed sense of discovery. Going for hikes, walking or boat rides allows refreshment in our day. Learning a new hobby ignites our creativity and allows our inner-child play without criticism.
Our child is also set free when we practice living presently and with gratitude. We can truly see, smell and hear the life around us. While dining, we can be present and really taste the food. We can use our senses for the full experience.
Finally, we can set our child free when we allow ourselves emotions. We often look at feeling as a negative quality thereby telling our inner child they are bad. Suppressing our inner child can create insecurity within us. We can become serious and anxious. We can cope by throwing ourselves into our work or investing in social isolation. To overcome this block, we can cry during movies. We can purposely choose to participate in experiences and activities that cultivate positive feelings. Sometimes, it can be simple as playing a game with your grandchild or just dancing and singing to your favorite songs.
Sustaining your Relationship with your Inner Child
Once we connect to our inner child, we continue down the road of life. Maybe stress arrives at our doorstep. We are overextended or a burden is placed upon us. It is important for us to recognize the red flags for disconnecting from the inner child. We can see it through our feelings and actions. We may have a heaviness or seriousness about us. We recognize a negative self-talk. We aren’t laughing. We are tired.
To create a consistency of lightness in our lives, we can set time each day to play. We can laugh at our own mistakes. We can be understanding and sympathetic with ourselves. We can nurture ourselves by doing what we want and allowing pampering. We can partake in child-like activities. We can reinforce our inner child through positive self-talk. When we replace “That was stupid” with “You are brilliant!” our inner child remains vibrant. We can remind our inner child that we are proud of who he or she is just by being oneself. We may tell our inner child that he or she is beautiful and creative.
Conclusion
Creating lightness by connecting to our inner child not only benefits the client, but it also benefits the coach. Our lightness creates a safe non-judgmental space for our clients and allows us to live more fluidly and with clarity. It allows us to forgive ourselves and create more compassion in our lives. By being compassionate with ourselves, we are more easily able to be compassionate with others. Both the client and coach win.
References
Jake Lawson, (Aug 11, 2011). Inner Child. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14692-inner-child/#ixzz1uxKcLQ4s
Child (archetype). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_(archetype)
Vera Nadine Boinn, (May, 2008). Embracing Your Inner Child.
Karin Marcus, (no date). An Easy 6 Step Plan for Celebrating Your Inner Child. http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/155844/motivation/an_easy_6_step_plan_for_celebrating_your_inner_child.html
Dr. Millet, (no date). Inner Child Focus, Work, Balancing and Therapy. www.elevatedtherapy.org.uk/index-page5.html
Lucia Capacchione, (March 15, 1991). Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self.