Feeling out of control causes stress, fear, frustration, and discouragement. It can also cause anger, bitterness, and resentment. As bad as those feelings are, the terrible realities and devastating consequences of being out of control are much worse. Scott, S. 1998, Laser-Accurate Priority Planning. Simon & Schuster, New York, NY
Welcome to the world of an average person wanting to succeed – in any technologically advanced culture in the world. The profusion of options and the pace of life paralyze effective living for many in spite of the unprecedented tools at their disposal. They need guidelines that steer their decision making in the direction of their intended outcomes.
Chuck Colson, President Richard Nixon’s “Hatchet Man,” stated that prison was the best thing that ever happened to him. He said,
Changing my priorities, changed my life.
Goals for becoming
Changed priorities are accompanied by changed goals, which can be helpful when they are the right ones.
Goals are a means to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They are simply a tool to concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. The only reason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it’s who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment. Robbins, A, 101 Best Anthony Robbins quotes on Life, Fears, Goals and Success, available at http://www.strategicbusinessteam.com
Robbins makes the important point that “who you become” in the process of achieving goals is more important than the goals themselves. This suggests a basic belief that should inform the kinds of goals a person chooses. What kind of person do you want to become?
The assumptions listed at the beginning of this paper suggest that a fulfilled person lives in and contributes to community and long-term, healthy relationships. This requires balancing activity and restoration – allowing time to think and plan.
Have you ever wished for a thirty-hour day? Surely this extra time would relieve a tremendous pressure under which we live. Our lives leave a trail of unfinished tasks. Unanswered letters, unvisited friends, unwritten articles, and unread books haunt quiet moments when we stop to evaluate. Hummel, C. 1979, Tyranny of the Urgent, 3rd edition, Navpress, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80901
Being truly happy in life involves feeling more in control of the direction your life is going. …To feel more fulfilled, your actions and activities need to be in alignment with what you deem important. …You will have fewer regrets in life if you start focusing and taking responsibility for where you are and where you want to be. Day, D, (online) available at http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1438286.Deborah_Day
Coaching Questions:
- Do you have a sense of what’s missing in your life? How would you describe it?
- What would make you excited?
- Are your desires in line with your values?
- If this new direction starts with you, where do you begin?
Great! I look forward to walking this path with you as you discover a more fulfilled life.
Defining who you want to become is often clarified by defining who you do not want to become. Boundaries play an important role in this. They are like fences that provide a safe enclosure – and maximum freedom within it – for a child to play.
Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures. Cole, E, (online) available at http://www.edcole.org/index.php?fuseaction=coleisms.viewAllColeisms.
Role of boundaries
Life is about balance; too much and too little can kill. The best way to balance life is setting your boundaries and learning to say enough, Unknown.
Various boundaries support worthy goals that contribute to healthy living. One kind of boundary helps us define and maintain the unique values that make us distinct from others.
The purpose of setting boundaries is to take care of oneself by defining our separateness. Burney, R, “Joy2MeU”, (online) available at htttp://joy2meu.com/index.html
I couldn’t find the edges where I ended and others began. I sometimes felt powerless, unsure of who I was in relationships, and unheard. I wasn’t sure how to change my life, but I knew that I had to. Because I didn’t set healthy personal boundaries, I was exhausted, I couldn’t focus, and I felt consumed by drama around me, in both my personal and professional lives. As a result, I dealt with a lot of conflict, failed to take care of myself, and generally disliked my work.” Bolnick, B, “In Arms Coaching, (online) available at www.inarmscoaching.com.
Coaching Questions:
- How satisfied are you with the direction of your life?
- What percentage of your life direction (how you spend time, money, and energy) would you attribute to the pull of others versus your internal compass?
- Do you think your greatest need is more of what you’re already getting or getting something different?
- How do you currently decide when people are making unfair demands of you or using shame to manipulate you?
- How would you describe the health of your relationships?
- How proactive are you in healthy living? Example: sleep, exercise, healthy food?
- How do you best restore? Is this happening on a regular basis?
- How do you feel about the direction your job is moving? What about your family?
- What do you think may need to change?
I’m excited to walk this life path with you. Thanks for including me.