Research Paper By Virginie Mangin
(Career Coach, SWITZERLAND)
Why the question: During my training with ICA one recurring theme kept coming up: communication. Whether it was interacting with others, getting a message across, job interview preparation, presentations at work, asking for a promotion or conflict resolution.
Coming from a communication background (journalism), I realized that skills I had acquired with time: asking questions, getting over shyness, speaking in public, writing, were in fact a real issues for many people no matter how confident they seemed on the outside. Many clients during my ICA training had problems answering the simple question: what is it you really want to say?
That’s when I decided to dig a little deeper into communication coaching: what it is, does it actually exist as a niche and how to use it with clients. As someone with absolute no corporate background I figured it could be a way into coaching companies and asked people in the corporate world around me if communication was a theme that would interest them to be coached on. The response was unanimous: all along the corporate ladder, replied yes. People were telling me companies had become cold alienated places, with no time to build rapport, enjoy the company of someone else. People told me they did not know how to talk to their boss, their team members and felt not listened to or acknowledged.
To write this paper I used my own experience as a coach: what were my client’s needs in communication? How did I help them best? What worked? What didn’t? I also used a list of books and reading material which is provided. I will back my research up with as much as possible with real life experience from my clients. The purpose of this article is for me to understand what communication coaching can look like, how to use it with clients and how to market myself.
The structure of this paper is as follows:
- What is communication? What is effective communication?
- Coaching application
- Barriers to communication
- Communication tools to use with clients and develop with them.
- What is communication coaching? Is there such a niche?
- What are the potential clients?
- How can coaching make clients better communicators? Two case studies.
- Let’s start by looking at what is communication? What is effective communication ?
Communication is the act of transferring information from one place to another. Communication can be considered a success when the information has been correctly received, when the receiver has understood the intention of the messenger.
This sounds simple but as we know, in effect it can go horribly wrong. Words are misunderstood, messages blurred, tensions and conflict can arise through miscommunication. In fact most relationship issues boil down to lack of effective communication between the parties.
There are many communication models available. I found browsing through them useful to build my own model that I can use with clients.
Most build on the Shannon/weaver model which was created in 1949. All include a messenger and a receiver. I have selected this one found on Google and not attributed.
I like this model because unlike the Shannon/Weaver model it takes into account context and subjectivity. It clearly illustrates that there are three components to communication: A – shared space – B.
The shared space is important because the larger it is, the easier communication can be. If there is no common denominator than communication can be extremely difficult. This is all the more true that I live in China where culturally this space is very narrow.
I find this model easy to explain and have used it with clients many times to illustrate almost any communication issue.
- Coaching application
Going back to the model. I’ve broken the process into 4 parts: intent-means-how-feedback. The purpose of this model is that it can help the client unravel and develop any communication issue, be it preparing for a presentation or resolving conflict.
Let’s focus on A: which could be the client, the coach if in a coaching relationship, but more generally is the person that has to deliver the message. Effective communicators will naturally know what it is they want to say and what support to use to say it (writing, face-to-face or other, wording). I will add as a next step they know how to say it: tone of voice, attitude. Lastly the person will ask for feedback: did my message get across? Was I understood?
I’ve used this loop as a coaching application with clients and so far have had good results.
Step 1: intent. What do you want to say. Without defining a clear message there can be no effective communication. What is it you really want to say? Spending time on intent is essential. Sometimes there is a hidden underlying intention. Ultimately this can be a reason for much misunderstanding. For example one of my clients was very angry at some friends of hers and wanted to be coached on how to tell them why she felt that way. After some questioning she discovered that the real reason of her anger was aimed at her husband. He should in fact be the one with who she should be having the conversation. By simple questioning and creating awareness and getting to the bottom of the intent (what was she really trying to say, the WHY behind the anger), she was able to avoid a very uncomfortable conversation that could have led to permanent damage with her friends.
Intent has to be as precise and simple as possible. I sometimes ask my clients to start off by telling me in a few sentences what it is they want to say, then get them to summarize in just one sentence.
Step 2: What means to say it. Finding the right support is also essential. Not all messages will be received the same way depending if they are written formally, spoken, drawn or why not even sung… For instance on of my friends told me she always wrote to her husband whenever she had something important to say. This allowed her to take a step back, clear her head, get her message clearly, and make sure she’s understood. This is when understanding the shared space is crucial. You have to know your audience to be able communicate. Another useful tool I use is asking my clients in what way they can make that space bigger, maybe there are more things in common with the receiver than they think. This works well with story telling. For a presentation for instance what does the speaker share with the participants: being a parent, having friends, feeling jealous… There an infinite of universal themes, emotions and feelings to use as connection points.
Step 3: how to say it. This is also part of effective communication. How you deliver your message: loudly, softly, how do you look at your audience? If the person is violent, aggressive, shy scared, how do you address them? How to deliver your message includes two parts: the messenger and the receiver.
The messenger: Studies show good communicators naturally adapt to their audience be it a floor of businessmen or their children or best friend. NLP says that most communication is done via body language and tone of voice rather than words used. I have read contradicting research on this. But the bottom line is that communication is more than the message. It’s also how you say it and how the person interprets it.
How well you deliver your message depends on your human skills. Unconsciously we are picking up signs about how they are sitting, reacting to our voice, moving their hands ect… These signs tells us how well our message is getting across. If you notice your own communication style you are constantly adapting to the receiver: even in a written email. If you don’t feel you are getting an adequate response you will alter your message.
Going back to the model above: it clearly shows communication is a two-way flow. Effective communication if you look at two friends, mother and child even a manager to his team makes me think of a symphony, where every instrument is naturally tuned. No effort needed. I like to think of this as a figure 8.
The receiver: While we can control the message there is also a large part of unknown in communication: how is the person understanding and interpreting our message? The further away the person is from us, the less we know him the harder it is for the messenger to know if they are being well received. As an expat in Asia for so long I know that when the Chinese laugh it does not mean we are being funny. It means they are uneasy. I just came back from a trip to Japan. Our host kept laughing. What did it mean? I have no idea. It was a very different laugh than the Chinese. I laughed back, telling myself that synchronisig with him could do no harm. I still wonder if I did a cultural faux pas.
The more we have in common with our receiver the easier it is to communicate. I am always bewildered by the telepathic gifts I have with my friends and family. In fact there is no magic. It’s about flow. We know each other very well, we know what the other is going to say before they speak, we pick up an infinite amount of signs which tells us how the person opposite us is feeling.
That does not mean that two people that do not know each other and come from different cultures cannot communicate effectively. It just means more awareness is needed. The space between the two needs to be as open as possible, non-judgemental. Again two skills developed in coaching.
As a conclusion to this third step I would like to that in effect how we say it depends not only on us, but also on the receiver. The further away the two actors are, the opener the space needs to be between the two.
Step4: Feedback. Feedback is essential. In fact it’s a skill used across the board in coaching (all coaching conversations end with feedback). There are many ways taught to do feedback. In communication it’s about closing the loop. Was my message effectively delivered ? Was I clear? Do certain aspects need to be developed further? What did you like about this? What can I improve?
- Barriers to communication.
For this part I have based my research on a list by Thomas Gordon, I found it in a book called “People’s Skills” by Robert Bolton. I find it extensive and would not have done better myself. He wraps them up in three sections: Judging, sending solutions, avoiding the other’s concern.
I will not develop here as that would side track me into another different research paper.
- Communication tools to use with clients and develop with them. Coaching vs training.
There are an array of tools. Effective communicators master several skills such as: listening, questioning, trust, empathy, sychronisation, feedback, self-awareness, empathy. All these tools are also the coaches’ tools for developing an effective coaching relationship with your clients. Many of these tools are studied at ICA (active listening, open-ended questions) so I will not delve on these.
As a coach we can effectively use these tools in our client/coach relationship. By simply setting the example the client can learn by experience. I also handout effective communication worksheets to my clients. As I make clear I am not a trainer, my goal is to provide material and see how the client can integrate it and make it his own. I never say : this is how you should talk. Instead I offer possible solutions and see what works, what doesn’t with the client. Very quickly we enter the realm of coaching: what is stopping you, what is your intention, how would you like your message to be received? When you look at yourself what do you see?
- What is communication coaching? Is there such a niche?
While all coaching will delve into communication issues at some point does communication coaching exist as a niche? To answer that question I asked myself would someone come to see a coach to work solely on communication issues? My answer to that question is yes. Some of my clients during my training only came to me to learn how to speak or to present themselves.
I also googled communication coaches to get a better idea. And yes other coaches market themselves as solely communication coaches. Some were as me former journalists.
But communication coaching can also be part of other problematics. For instance some of my clients wanted to work on changing careers. Effective communication was integrated into that: preparation for interviews. Other issues I got contacted for were to prepare for an important meeting with hierarchal superiors or learning how to make an effective presentation all the while keeping your personal style.
I am also working on communication coaching for groups within companies.
- What are the potential clients?
The client range is in effect very wide. Clients can be anywhere on the corporate ladder. The common denominator is that entry point to coaching is a communication issue whether personal or work related.
- How can coaching make clients better communicators? Two case studies.
Communication and coaching can go hand in hand in an infinite number of issues. I’ve decided to illustrate this article with two case studies. Of course as stated above there are as many cases as there are clients.
- F. came to me because she lacked confidence professionally. She was aiming for a job she felt was just right for her, but two times got told to work on her presentation as her difficulty in speaking was a sign she could not handle stress. Her future employers wanted to make sure that her lack of assertiveness and confidence would not hinder her job. The selection process was long and tedious and included a group interview during which each candidate would have to find their role. Apart from delving into underlying beliefs F. really wanted to improve her oral presentation and expression. She felt this would not only help her secure her job interview but also have an easier time at work: say no to colleges, delegate and more generally create barriers around her so she did not feel overwhelmed.
I used a camera to film her. I refrained from giving my feedback straight away. Before reviewing her performance I checked to see how she felt. How she thought she came across. We then envisioned the video together. And she gave her own feedback. The exercise was very powerful. In just the first session we unearthed most of her underlying beliefs that were stopping her from expressing herself in a fluid manner. For example she never finished her sentences because she was sure “she has nothing interesting to say”, or that “she is not intelligent”. Just this short exercise made her realize that these two beliefs were untrue. I repeated the same process for a few weeks every time challenging her on an area where she lacked confidence.
- A. wanted to convince her boss she was the right person for the new job opening in her company. She had not been considered as potential candidate. This made A feel angry as she was dedicated and hard working. A. asked me to work on what she would be telling her boss the next day. I asked her what she wanted out of the conversation. The question made A. realize that it was not the promotion she was after (she acknowledged that there was little chance she would get it) but that she wanted her boss to know that she was motivated and that if there was no progression in her job she would leave the company. Just focusing on the intent bought the conversation into a whole new perspective. A. focused on what her strengths were inside the company, how unique she was to the team and how she had shown over the years she had been there that she had always seized every opportunity to grow. I followed up a few days later. A. Told me the conversation had gone really well and that she was happy with the outcome.
Other examples where communication can beneficial to the client:
Avoiding conflict, finding your place in a team, defining your communication style, smoother relationships around you.
As a conclusion I will add that to answer my initial question: yes communication coaching can exist on its own as well as be integrated in other coaching problematics.
This paper was a lot of fun for me to write. I used it to dig deeper on how I can work with clients on specific issues, how to integrate my skills into coaching and how to add value.
Reading material. I hope I have forgotten none. I have done a lot of reading on the web and in other non-coaching related books.
People Skills, Robert Bolton.
Coaching Skills, Jenny Rogers
It’s the way you say it, Carol Flemming
The Seven Cs of Coaching, Mike Cope
Walter Bonati, My mountains
On becoming a person, Carl Rogers.
I have also extensively used tools and sheets form Mindtools.com
As well as teaching material by ICA and my NLP practionner course in Paris. I would like to thank all the trainers I have met along the way. And special thanks to my clients with which I have learnt so much.