BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
ABCC: The ABCC approach synthesizes many of the behavioural-change tools when a parent feels anger rising. The parent can visualize quickly and easily the mnemonic and each step: Acknowledge the anger and feel it subside, Breathe deeply and reaffirm the new beliefs about children and parenting. Visualize what is most wanted – harm or helping. This pause gives the parent time to be Curious about the needs of her child and her own needs as a parent. Next she can make a Choice to use effective assertive parenting skills (Adams 2009, pp. 93-95).
CONCLUSION
Brain research provides clear evidence of how and why habit change is possible. Using visualization and visual cues as part of the coaching process parents can develop somatic and emotional intelligence and the ability to acknowledge and analyze their thoughts and beliefs to expedite habit change from anger to calm-assertive energy.
REFERENCES:
Adams, M 2009, Change your questions change your life: 10 powerful tools for life and work, 2nd edn, Berrett-Koehler Pub, San Francisco, CA
Doidge, N 2010, The brain that changes itself: stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science, revised edn, Scribe Pub Pty Ltd, Carlton North, Vic, Australia.
Duhigg, C 2012, The power of habit: why we do what we do and how to change William Heinmann, London, GB.
Goleman, D 2011, The brain and emotional intelligence: new insights More Than Sound, Northhampton, MA,
Gordon, T 2000, Parent effectiveness training Three Rivers Press, New York, NY.
Glasser, W 1998, Choice theory: a new psychology of personal freedom Harper-Collins Publishers, New York, NY
Judith, A 2004, Eastern body western mind Random House, New York, NY
Kohn, A 2005, Unconditional parenting: moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason Atria Books, New York, NY McKay,M, Fanning, P & Davis, M 1997, Thoughts and feelings: taking control of your moods and your life New Harbinger Pub Inc, Oakland, CA.
Semmelroth, C & Smith, D 2004, The anger habit: proven principles to calm the stormy mind Sourcebooks Inc, Naperville, Illinois
Siegel, D & Hartzell, M 2004, Parenting from the inside out: how a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive Penguin, New York, NY.
Siegel, D & Payne Bryson,T 2011,The whole brain child Delacorte Press, New York, NY.
Silsbee, D 2008, Presence-based coaching: cultivating self-generative leaders through mind, body and heart A Wiley Imprint, San Francisco,
Stoltzfus, T 2008, Coaching questions: a coach’s guide to powerful asking questions Tony Stoltzfus, Virginia Beach, VA,
Thich Nhat Hanh 2012, The art of mindfulness Harper Collins Pub. Inc, New York, NY.
Websites
Compassion meditation,
NLP & the importance of the subconscious mind,
NLP, positive thinking & visualization,
Appendix
Parent survey questions by Kathryn Tonges
- What is your preferred emotional state/s when you interact with your child?
- What is your emotional state you dislike most when you interact with your child?
- What are the main triggers for your disliked emotional state?
- On reflection what thoughts are in your mind just prior to your triggers?
- What ideas have you used that have worked in making a change from your disliked emotional state to your preferred state?
- Would you like to learn new ways to make this change and if so why?