The main factor that will influence the ease of your transition is you, and your attitude to your move
Another said;
A local coach in the country who could give guidance would be a great support.
The general feel I got from both the expat spouses and the various online websites is that it is imperative to get out and involve yourself in the local community. Join groups, sporting associations, and school activities and be prepared to accept any invitations that come your way. Building up a social network for the expat spouse is important for mental well-being and emotional stability.
You must be willing to step out of your comfort zone, join a women’s group, find out about coffee mornings. Accept any invitations you receive, as you never know who you might meet, and sitting home alone won’t get you anywhere!
The general rule is;
Happy wife (spouse), happy life.
Implications for life Coaching
From the research I have conducted there are several implications for Coaching. Fundamentally Life Coaching is about support. It is a safe place to share concerns, discuss problems and find actions steps to move forward. From personal experience, a life Coach would have been invaluable for me in the first few months in Vietnam. My life was in turmoil, my children hated me, I had no friends and no support whatsoever. As soon as my husband and children walked out the door for the day, I was alone, and lonely. I would have loved nothing better than to talk to a Coach about the emotions I was feeling, and how to manage them.
A Coach can work with a client to focus on the positives of the expat Lifestyle. They can help build a bridge between your “old” life and your ‘new’ life. With a coach you can discover ways to re-build your identity and self-esteem, re-build your feeling of security and plan ways to use your time effectively. While most spouses get there eventually, it can take time and impact on the relationships close to you.
One area that the spouses I interviewed all struggled with was the feeling of loss that came with leaving old friends and a familiar environment behind. To combat these feelings, a coach can use tools to re-direct their client’s energy and focus on positive feelings and help them to identify a sense of meaning and purpose. Recently a friend of mine from Kuala Lumpur was really struggling with finding her “purpose” in her new country, and wasn’t feeling settled, even though she had been there over a year. She decided to consult with a Life Coach and find a way out of her unhappiness. Through the coaching process she re-discovered her love of craft and organizing. Within a few months had managed to single handedly pull together a Market to cater to expat woman who had various craft skills, but nowhere to showcase them. The Market has been running for nearly 12months now and has grown so big, that it is impossible to get a stall. My friend is feeling complete, satisfied and energized. Her life now has a focus and a purpose. It took Coaching for her to look deeply inside herself and find a way forward.
In her book “The Culture Shock tool Kit”, Margarita Gokun Silver summarizes the three strategies that she believe can help an expat survive the culture shock of a move.
As Coaches we can use powerful questions to re-frame the expat spouses perspective from one of fear and negativity to one of wonder and enjoyment. By working with an expat spouse and allowing him/her to embrace life in a new country, the dynamics within the entire family can change. As demonstrated in the case study with “Carla”, once the spouse was happy, the children became more confident and accepting of their situation.
Conclusion
The expat lifestyle is fraught with challenges. It is a leap of faith for families who are prepared to throw themselves into a new country, new culture and new experience. While the whole family undergoes change, it is the expat spouse who carries the burden of setting up the new life and supporting the family as they adapt. This is a huge role, and one that carries enormous responsibility. However, with the right support network to help the spouse, the transition can be made easier.
With help of a Life Coach an expat spouse can discover that not only can a move to a new country be rewarding, it can be a learning experience, and a time for Personal growth. New skills are learnt along the way that many spouses don’t even realize they are acquiring. To walk into a room full of strangers and have to start talking to people and making friends can be incredibly daunting, but it can also help build self-confidence. Learning to negotiate your way around a foreign city can be frustrating, but it also takes courage and determination. Not being able to work can open the door to exciting opportunities to do further study or indulge a hobby that had been put aside due to lack of time.
From my research and the interviews I have conducted, I have no doubt that a Life Coach can add enormous value. If a coach can help the client to keep a positive attitude, to embrace change and view the challenges ahead as life learning experiences, then the expat move becomes one of opportunity, instead of loss. I have also come to the conclusion that the Companies responsible for the move would benefit by offering Coaching sessions to their employees spouse. Not only would it be beneficial for the spouse, it will help the whole family to settle in and allow the partner to focus on his/her job.
From my own personal experience, Coaching would have been a valuable resource in the early days of each move (particularly in KL when the children started telling people I talked to our bunny rabbits as I had no friends!). The past six years of living in Asia has been life changing for me. I now see the world as a relatively small place, I embrace new friends and experiences, I am more confident and self-aware. I have learnt that being independent gives you freedom to make choices and I have been lucky enough to have the time to devote to the career path that inspires me, which is coaching. All this I have I discovered in my journey as an expat, and I wouldn’t change a minute of this amazing lifestyle I lead. However, with a Life Coach to support and guide me, the transition in each country would have been so much easier. I would have settled sooner with each move, and been able to put strategies in place to build a network. Doing the research on this paper has been an invaluable experience for me as a person and a Coach. I believe that with the right help, expat spouses can focus on seeking meaning and purpose in a positive way with a sense of excitement and wonder, so that each move is more like a wonderful adventure instead of a trial to be endured.
As one expat spouse said:
Regardless of the reasons behind your relocation, a positive attitude is essential
References:
Wikepedia – “Expatriate”.
The Culture Shock Tool Kit: Three Strategies for Managing Culture Shock. Gokun Silver, Margarita.
Global Coach Centre
www.GlobalCoachCentre.com
HSBC explorer survey 2008
Expat Spouses: What do they want. Nina Cole, Associate Professor of Human Resources Management, Ryerson University in Toronto,
A Broad abroad: The expat wife’s guide to successful living Abroad.
Robin Pascoe The Expatriate Lifestyle: Are you cut out for living abroad. Kelly Herdrich. Contributing editor
www.expatwomen.com
www.shrm.org/research/surveyfindings/pages/globalhr.aspx
www.iwasanexpatwife.com
Families in global transition
www.figt.org
Personal Interviews:
Ella – 7 countries, 20 years abroad
Christine – 2 countries, 4.5 years abroad
Susan – 1 country, 4 years abroad
Gerardine – 4 countries (about to start 5th), 16 years abroad
Helen – 1 country, 4 years abroad
Joannie – 1 country, 6 years
Catriona – 8 countries, 21 years abroad.