Research Paper By Joanna del Pino
(Life Coach, TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO)
I only appreciated the importance of the ICF competency “Coaching Presence” after completing my mentor and observed coaching requirements. I began my Observed Coaching with a lot of anxiety – questioning whether I was capable of being a good coach. My self-doubt increased to the point where I found myself praying that I would not be asked to re-do the observed coaching requirement. It seemed a likely scenario that flashed through my mind often: that I may actually fail. This anxiety had morphed its way into panic which I believed gradually grew strength over the course of my mentor coaching “progression”. During my first three attempts at being the coach in mentor coaching sessions, I felt myself gain confidence in my abilities as I took the feedback given to me into consideration. However thereafter, I noticed a decline in my performance.
I couldn’t understand this regression. I was taking detailed notes from my coaching session as well as the ones I observed. I had pages of pointers/reminders made from a wide range of facilitators which I read through frequently and tried to remember everything before I next took on the role of the coach. I was getting positive feedback from my Peer Coachees yet somehow this was not translating to the occasions that I was being observed by a facilitator.
I even brought this topic to my peer coaching sessions as a client, to try to ascertain what was happening and to look at this underlying anxiety. I would leave the peer coaching session feeling better about the situation and use techniques to shift my perspective to a more empowering one. However, with the ebb and flow of my coaching “tide”, the un-ease would return and engulf me leaving me gasping for breath as I navigated those overwhelming waves.
This paper is my attempt at self-reflection: to better understand what impacted my presence as a coach and ultimately influenced the success that I had with my clients.
1. Coaching Presence Explored
According to the International Coach Federation (ICF), the coaching competency referred to as Coaching Presence is defined as the
ability to be fully conscious and create a spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible and confident.
It goes on to say that this means the coach:
i) Is present and flexible during the coaching process, dancing in the moment.
ii) Accesses own intuition and trusts one’s inner knowing—”goes with the gut.”
iii) Is open to not knowing and takes risks.
iv) Sees many ways to work with the client and chooses in the moment what is most effective.
v) Uses humor effectively to create lightness and energy.
vi) Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments with new possibilities for own action.
vii) Demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions and can self-manage and not be overpowered or enmeshed by client’s emotions.
As I read through this, the following words/phrases stood out in my mind: flexible, dancing in the moment, intuition, takes risks, chooses in the moment and confidence. When I compared that to my stance before embarking on a coaching session, flipping through my pages full of notes with my battery of questions before me, I noticed the disconnect. I was overthinking.
The only dance that I was doing during each mentor coaching session as a coach was a rigid sort of march where I counted the rhythm and beats aloud without even allowing myself to listen and feel the music to guide my movements. How could I allow my intuition to guide me and agree to take risks when all I was trying to do was memorize the possible ways I could guide the session? The confidence that I needed to be truly present was not there. In essence, I was planning for each session with the hope of a turnkey solution to overcompensate for the insecurity that I was feeling.
Needless to say, the results were predictable. I sometimes froze during the session. Other times I mentally gave up as I imagined just hanging up and running for the hills. The mentor feedback reflected exactly how I felt about my own performance. One facilitator actually vocalized what I was thinking in my penultimate session as the coach in the mentor coaching session: “Your observed coaching is starting when? In two weeks time? Hmmmm…..you have a bit of work to do before that then.”
2. Shifting from “Overthinking” to “Confidence”
The gap between where I was on completion of my mentor coaching requirements to where I needed to be for observed coaching seemed chasm-like. However, I believe Abraham Maslow’s Conscious Competence Framework helped to understand the situation at hand more clearly.
This framework is used to explain how people develop new skills. It is used to illustrate how people move from unconscious incompetence (not knowing you don’t know) to unconscious competence (knowing without thinking). In the first phase, before learning a skill, a person is usually unconsciously incompetent. (S)he may often have no real idea of what is involved. For example, driving looks simple when done by someone who is experienced. However, when someone first begins driving, they realize that involves a lot of different tasks that need to be done almost simultaneously. It really isn’t as easy as it looks. Things such as changing gears (manual gear system), braking or even steering in a way that keeps them centred in one lane may be challenging. At this point (s)he may become aware of the challenges and the things that they need to work on. They are now consciously incompetent.
Nevertheless, the more they practice their driving, the better they become at it. Regardless, they are still very aware of what they are doing. The learner driver may now start mentally outlining the steps of what (s)he has to do. The point at which they are consciously thinking about what needs to be done in order to get the job done is where they are described as consciously competent. Usually, at this point, they get their driver’s license. After a few months, with a lot more driving experience under his/her belt, there is a shift to where the driver can drive to their destination without consciously thinking about it. Through experience, the driver becomes more confident and more intuitive on the road and learns to deal with unexpected changes on the road (egs road hogs, challenging weather conditions and a busy highway) more easily. At this point, the driver is now unconsciously competent and the driving experience feels more relaxed and enjoyable.
After looking at Maslow’s framework, I realized that during my mentor coaching sessions I was in the consciously competent mindset. I was aware of all that I needed to do and would sit there trying to mentally piece together all the things that I had to do and to use the driving analogy try to prepare for every possible eventuality that may happen between the time that I started my car to when I reached my destination. Any sane driver who tries to do this would probably not drive for very long distances or would drive way below the legal speed limit to ensure they had sufficient time to react to any of the possibilities that may come their way. The idea of what I was attempting to do is ludicrous when I look at it from Maslow’s perspective. However, the question remained: how could I make that shift from “overthinking” to “confidence” or from conscious competence to unconscious competence?
3. Developing Coaching Presence
There are undisputed benefits of having a good coaching presence. Firstly, it impacts the coach/client relationship as it enables greater trust and intimacy. Once this environment is created, the coach/client connection is deepened which leads to better and more honest and open communication. This in turn results in greater exploration of issues, ideas and solutions as well as self-discovery by the client.
In doing my research, I realized that there are quite a few recommendations for developing confidence and my coaching presence. However, I have summarized them into four main points:
i) Centering and Deep Breathing. This practice not only calms nerves but assists with reducing the anxious thoughts or overthinking that may get in the way of a coach being fully present and engaging with the client. Further, the silencing of the mind allows the coach to better connect with his/her intuition.
ii) Letting go. At the beginning of each session a coach has to understand and agree that the session is not “about me” but instead all “about the client”. In understanding this, one truly realizes that it’s no longer about having preconceived notions, judgements or prepared solutions at hand so that I (the coach) look good. Rather it is about being truly present to listen, connect with and support the client so that (s)he walks away feeling better. It’s about letting go of outcomes and being committed to supporting the client in any way possible. I actually have started my sessions by affirming this and telling the client: “My only goal over these next {insert time frame} is to support you”.
iii) Creating an ideal coaching environment helps in the grounding process. This includes limiting distractions, creating a calming décor, displaying positive and uplifting images and offering a comfortable supportive chair to the client can supplement efforts to be present and in flow.
iv) Supervision. For long term sustainment of a good coaching presence, regular supervision by a masterful coach is needed to help with objective feedback on the coach’s progress.
4. My Observed Coaching Journey
Thankfully, things worked out for me for my Observed Coaching requirements. The nightmare of failing my observed coaching never actually became a reality. My shift from overthinking to confidence flowed once I truly understood what was causing my dis-ease and adjusted my mindset and behavior to suit.
After hearing the heart crushing mentor coaching feedback out loud, something switched in me. The reality of looming failure kicked my survival instinct into operating mode. I decided that I was going to stop overthinking and just let go. I had previously planned to connect with one of the other students scheduled for my observed coaching sessions to look at the possibility of partnering beforehand. In my “overthinking” mode, I felt the need to practice and go through mock sessions. However, I eventually decided against it.
I showed up to the first observed coaching class in free falling mode: I had just decided to take that leap of faith. I took some deep breaths and tried to centre myself before dialing in. My only desire was to build a good connection with the person that I would partner with. It was at this point that the magic unfolded. I was paired with Gerard, a humble, family-loving, wholesome, genuine soul and from our first class we seemed to connect in a meaningful way which led to mutually fulfilling coaching sessions.
In addition to centering, deep breaths and letting go, the other key factor that assisted in making that huge shift was our Supervisor or MasterCoach, Kathy. Her objective and meaningful feedback which was always done in the most positive and uplifting way helped me understand my blind spots and ways in which I could improve as a coach. Her support helped increase my confidence which impacted my presence in each session.
5. Conclusion
I am still a “Work In Progress” when it comes to my abilities as a coach but I feel content with where I have reached and I remained focused on continual improvement. There are many issues that we all encounter on our coaching journey but the one thing that stands out to me, of which I have to continually remind myself, is to be gentle and compassionate to myself. Most of us aspire to be coaches in order to be of service of others and contribute to their development and growth. Oftentimes, we forget to offer ourselves the same non-judgmental, sympathetic/empathetic and kind support that we give to our clients.
References:
The Gift of Coaching Presence (Feb 2018): Sadhan Bhattacharya
A review to define a coach’s presence and explore its impact upon the coaching relationship and how this is developed: Damion Wonfor
ICA: Coaching Presence: Confidence Module.
Coaching Supervision Academy: Coaching Presence (2005): Edna Murdoch
Developing your Coaching Presence by being a Person first, not a Coach First (April 2015): Dr. Lee Hancock
Blanchard LeaderChat: 4 ways to develop your coaching presence (2017): Terry Watkins