Stresses caused by work, family and health issues can cause one to feel drained of energy and caught in a cycle of worrying and negative thought that, in turn, lead to ever more stress. The results will be reflected in your body, your thoughts and the way you speak to others, which can adversely affect your relationships at home and at work.
The best way to break this cycle and start tapping into your personal energy is through the breath. Breathing deeply and consciously in stressful situations and at regular intervals throughout the day is a simple way to relax and become energized, thus enabling your most authentic way of speaking. According to Dr. Edward Steiner2, breathing deeply sends
powerful doses of oxygen to the brain and every single cell of the body.
As oxygen enters the blood stream, health and mental clarity are improved. Along with recharging the body’s oxygen, the physical act of breathing correctly can relax and re-align the body. It is hard to slouch or stand rigidly while taking a deep breath.
Releasing tension is the next step. While focusing on the breath, start to notice any tension in your neck, shoulders, or other parts of your body. Identify each area of tension and release it. Especially tune in to the muscles in your throat and jaw. Allow them to relax and open. Speaking with an upright but relaxed posture allows your voice to flow freely and produces a richer, fuller, more confident sound.
Now, begin to relax your mind. Just as you tuned in to where the tension was being held in your body, you can now tune in to your thoughts, and how they might be causing you stress. Is there a running dialogue in the back of your mind, saying things like “This is going to sound stupid”, “They are never going to respect my opinion”, “I know I’m going to say something wrong”, “She doesn’t love me” or “He‘s going to be so angry at me”?
Negative thoughts will block your ability to experience your true self. This kind of thinking will cause your throat to close and your voice to express confusion, fear or anger. You may hesitate or even begin to stutter. Not only is this frustrating and
humiliating, but can also cause others with whom you are speaking to feel tense or nervous. In order to communicate in a healthy and satisfying way, the negative dialogue needs to be turned off and your mind cleared. Working with a coach to re- frame your perspectives is an effective way to enable this process.
Discovering Your True Feelings
Releasing stress, getting in touch with your personal energy and blocking negative thoughts are the first steps to expressing your authentic self. Understanding how you truly feel is what you will need to discover next.
Feeling powerless, “stuck”, resentful or guilty in a situation will negatively affect the way you speak and interact with others. But examining the causes of these feelings can be scary. It is easier to discover why we feel frustrated than it is to initiate the positive changes necessary to transform those feelings. This is especially true when a situation involves other family members or co-workers. Examining (Transforming, Improving) these types of issues are at the heart of coaching, and being supported by a coach in the process of discovering what is true for you is the most effective way to clarify your desires and make them a reality.
Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs
An important part of this process is letting go of limiting beliefs. As Lion Goodman says in his wonderful method The Belief Closet Process,
If you want to change your outer circumstances (your work, your financial situation, your relationships, etc.), you need to change your internal state. How you feel, what you think, and how you react to the situations and people around you are determined by your beliefs. Your attitude, your focus of attention, and the energetic signals you put out to others are all determined by the beliefs stored in your subconscious mind. If you feel limited in any way, you have beliefs that are limiting you. In order to change any aspect of your life or circumstances, you must first change your beliefs. 3
Many of these subconscious beliefs were formed during childhood, as you reached conclusions about who and what you were, how you were supposed to act, the world around you, and your place in it. This understanding was gained and the resulting beliefs formed from your inexperienced, childhood perspective. Such beliefs might include “I am too demanding”, “I need to be a good girl and always do as I am told”, “I am pretty but not very smart”, or “I will always have to fight for what I want” and “sensitivity equals weakness”.