No More Drama!
Through coaching, a People Pleaser can begin to create awareness around their life experiences and learn how their own beliefs and behaviors are contributing to these undesirable patterns. The coaching relationship can explore whether the client is living in truth or fraud and if they are in fact happy with the way they are showing up in their relationships. Looking deeply into the anger or resentment can reveal insight into how unhappy they actually are with the situations they have created and expose the real motivation for their actions. This can reduce the extent to which they take out this anger on others or themselves in the form of punishment or neglect. They can become enlightened around their fears and challenge them in a safe and non-judgmental space as they are likely to be irrational or irrelevant in their adult lives (unlike as in their childhood where the fears may have been very relevant and real).
Coaching can assist clients in identifying what a healthy relationships looks like or what happiness looks like for the client and begin to develop structures to support them in creating this sort of life. They may also need to support clients in leaving toxic situations that are beyond damage control. Exploring tools like blame versus responsibility will help clients acknowledge their own contribution to situations and realize their power in creating healthier experiences for themselves. Additionally, looking at commitment versus trying can help the client see where they might not fully be committed to prioritizing their own needs and what underlying commitments like being liked or needed are taking precedence. Finally, the attached power tool on Cooperation versus Compliance can help clients see the difference between being nice/helpful versus engaging in people pleasing patterns.
Conclusion
Coaching a People Pleaser can be difficult in that they may have a low internal locus of control and feel powerless in their people pleasing experiences. However the coaching process is designed to bring about awareness and provide the client with opportunities for questioning and analyzing their own experiences in order to create change. People pleasers can learn to develop their own self management techniques and improve their own self concept as opposed to seeking validation and approval from those around them or seeking to control others in order to feel secure and worthwhile. Coaching can be an amazing opportunity for a People Pleaser to take action and create habits that will support their own authenticity and help them get out of their own way in order to experience true happiness.