As opposed to:
When looking at his own contributions and state of being, the client moves from a reactive state of mind to an active state. He regains control over his life and is in the driver seat again. Working with this attitude towards finding a new career will be totally different from before. The client now will be able to find solutions, to be pro-active and to work on issues that are within his control. Indeed, if we wish to be effective, we need to work on ourselves! Becoming pro-active instead of re-active is the key. The ICA power tool Responding versus Reacting focuses on the same issue.
The ICA power tool Lightness versus Significance can be very helpful here too. With this tool the coach can help the client to let go of the weight of the resignation. Opening up to the possibilities of the future instead of being worn down by the defeat of the resignation makes all the difference in how a client looks at his day.
Asking the client to keep a gratitude diary and to write down 3 things for which to be grateful every day may also help to shift his mind from being negative to positive.
Encouraging the client to visualise his future professional life works equally empowering. This tool also shifts the focus on possibilities rather than on problems.
3) Dealing with the outside world
When a client looses his job, the people close to him also experience a loss. The client therefore does not only have to come to terms with his own emotions, he also faces the reactions of his friends, family and the world around him. In fact, his environment goes through the same stages of trauma processing with the same variations in intensity and time (Curve of E. Kubler-Ross).
Often the emotions and reactions of the client’s partner are the most disconcerting ones. The client may suppress his own feelings in order to spare his partner. Or, it may very well be the other way around. Often, these interactions change over time.
Also the comments of people further in his circle of connections may be experienced as disturbing, frightening or discouraging, even if they are well meaning. The questioning by a possible future employer during an interview about the how and the why of the resignation can be very though on a client still struggling with these very issues.
Coaching opportunities
To overcome fear of the reactions of others, a coach can offer help.
When responding to questions about his resignation, it can be very tempting for a client to focus on the pain and to indulge in complaints and negativism. There probably is a lot of hurt, frustration, anger and self-pity and, when asked to tell his side of the story, the client may easily go back into these emotions.
Awareness about his feelings and the ability to move from responding towards proactively taking responsibility (issues which were addressed in the former sections) are at the basis of an assertive but open and positive communication.
The coach can help the client to be aware of his own power and to use this positive mind-set when communicating with others. He can help the client to focus on his hopes and plans for the future when talking to others, rather than reminiscing on the past and the negative feelings this past may revoke. The conversation will become positive and powerful. When asked about his resignation, the client can now choose to focus on his hopes, possibilities and strengths.
Role-plays where the coach takes on the role of a panicking spouse, a questioning neighbour or a future recruiter provides the client with exercise and training in order to become more natural and fluent in his responses.
Peer group sessions where people confront each other in a coached and safe environment also can provide good opportunities to deal with anxieties.
The client can practice to explain to others what is important to him and why. He will be able to ask for support, advice or even peace of mind in a positive and empowering manner. This will result in self-confidence. And, as we all know, a positive appearance reinforces positive emotions and invites positive outcomes. It is –in a way – a self-fulfilling prophecy and will reinforce the positive awareness of the client.
4) Definition of your dream job
Clients who loose their jobs after a longer period of employment, tend to look immediately and hurriedly for a similar job. The urge to join and belong to the working part of the population is huge and pressing. Isn’t it so that often the first thing we ask when meeting a new person is: “What do you do?” “What business are you in?” No wonder people feel at loss without the context of a job! They wish to solve this as soon as possible by jumping into the first job that comes along. If financial issues are difficult and urgent, the pressure to get started again is even more present. A job that is familiar and known seems to be the fastest and therefore best solution. But is this really so?
Especially people who already have a longer career behind them (20 years or more) and who are in the middle of a busy and challenging family life with growing children, a house to pay off, a certain standard of living may find it hard to pause long enough to overcome the shock of being without employment and to consider their options carefully. However, this might be the perfect and sometimes the only time people have the opportunity to refocus and recharge batteries.
Coaching opportunities
Important is to work with the client’s life purpose and values. Is the client aware of those? Have they changed during the years? Reconnecting to life purpose and values is the key for a client to launch into a more fulfilling and true (professional) life.
Often, as a result of these musings (which can be hard work!), clients realise that they do not wish to pursue the same career. They realise that their former job was actually not in line with their values and therefore not giving them satisfaction and fulfilment. On the other hand, they may realise that they do want to pursue the same career, and be very clear about why and how.
In fact, the realisation may come that losing the job was the best that could have happened to them, no matter how precarious the situation. Based on a better insight in their own values, strengths and dreams, they can consciously work towards a job that fits them.
By being aware of and in harmony with their values and strengths, they are in a much better shape to define their ideal job, but also to convince possible employers of their application.
Tools to connect with the client’s values and strengths are of high value here. The Wheel of Life, or the Strenghtsfinder of Tom Rath are just a few of them. Visualisation tools help them to clearly understand and picture their ideal.
5) Getting your dream job
Knowing what you want is very important, but not enough. In order to reach his goal, the client needs to take action. Searching for a new employment is not something most of us regularly do. The task may seem huge with plenty of obstacles. It might be very difficult for the client to get a grip on what needs to be done, on how to get started and on how to keep on going until the goal is reached.
Coaching opportunities
Inviting the client towards action is an important task of the coach. Of course, it is not the coach’ job to suggest what needs to be done, although he might have many ideas. The coach best supports his client by creating awareness and clarity about what needs to done and how to go ahead and do it. This process has several steps:
1) defining the actions:
In order to define the necessary actions, the coach can ask powerful questions, such as “What is the first step you need to take?” “What kind of support or structure do you need in place to be able to move forward?” “ What is stopping you?”
2) set up a plan:
When the client knows what he needs to do, the coach can support him to outline an action plan. Here, the coach can help the client to define the best of possible plans by making him aware of what works for the client and what doesn’t work. Time management tips and support may be needed.
3) ongoing support and celebration:
Once the plan is in place, the coach supports the client by encouraging commitment and responsibility. He can help the client to deal with issues of avoidance or delay by asking powerful questions and employing tools such as Action vs Delay, Trust vs Doubt and Commitment vs Trying. Underlying beliefs may come up and hinder the process. Keeping an eye on possible gremlins which cross the path of our client and supporting him to deal with those will enhance the client’s power both in the short and the long run. Helping to keep the focus on the goal may be crucial during a long process.
Sometimes, the client may also need to slow down and the coach can then ease the process by creating flexibility and time for reflection and resourcing. Along the way, positive affirmations and acknowledgement for all wins, small and big, provide the necessary support to persevere when the going gets tough.
