- What are you good at? – make a list of your strengths. Spend at least half an hour writing down everything, try and get at least 50. Tiny things, ‘useless’ things, things that everyone else is good at, it doesn’t matter, write them all down. Then pick at least 10 strengths that you enjoy and would like to develop. How could you develop each one? (Then there’s that doing some doing bit…you’ve got it by now right?)
- Go out and meet people – there are lots of people out there with lots of stories and lots of experience, go and chat to them, let them inspire you! Notice who you like talking to, what conversations light you up, what topics keep popping up. If you’re nervous about chatting to people just listen, people love to tell their stories and be listened to.
- Go back to your 3-year old self – no tantrums! Just inquisitiveness. Think through the why of everything, the world around you, other people, your own thoughts and feelings. Keep asking ‘why?’ until there are no more whys to be answered.
- Grill yourself – in Tim Minchin’s occasional address at the University of Western Australia he encourages us to be hard on our opinions. “We must think critically, and not just about the idea of others. Be hard on your beliefs” [2]. Take Tim’s advice – assume nothing, question your actions and opinions. Many of our beliefs are outdated and hold us back. If you want to find your life purpose thoroughly question everything you believe in.
- What’s wrong with the world? – ask yourself that. What is the change you would like to see in the world? No, not the Miss World answer thanks, I don’t want to hear “world peace” (unless that is really truly what floats your boat). I want to hear what you would like to see changed – better access to assistance dogs, more beautiful clothes for over 80s, a juicer that doesn’t take 10 minutes to clean – these are all worthwhile pursuits, these will all change the world. Changing the world doesn’t happen by doing something someone else deems ‘worthwhile’, it happens by doing something you love.
- Learn to still your mind – you can’t find your life purpose whilst thinking about what to cook for dinner and whether you’ll meet that deadline and if you can afford that new dress. It’s difficult to still your mind in today’s switched on society, but you need to find a way. Try meditation, yoga, running, being in nature or a bubbly bath. It might take 20 minutes to quiet the noise or it might take half a day. Don’t resist thoughts that pop up, they’ll only come back. Slowing down encourages all the thoughts that get pushed down in the busyness. Spend 10-20 seconds with each one. “Yes, I know I need to renew my driving license, thanks for reminding me brain, I’m on top of it”. Then try and be peaceful again, keep doing this until you get some good quality, uninterrupted still time. Stay patient, it takes me about 45 minutes to get through all the ‘brain-admin’. Then see what pops up! If you’re worried about remembering things just keep a pen and paper nearby.
- Me, myself and I – spend some time in your own company, with nobody else, no radio, no TV, no phone, no internet, just you. How comfortable does it feel? Maybe write about it in your journal. If it doesn’t feel comfortable do it until it does, do it until you look forward to it. Your passions are within you so spending time in your own company will help you uncover them.
- ‘Feelings’ isn’t a bad word – our feelings seem to get such bad press, when we show them we risk being labelled as weak, sensitive, touchy or hormonal. Your feelings are a huge asset, learning how to recognise them and properly feel them will tell you so much. “How am I feeling?” Ask yourself this each day, when something unexpected happened, when you are doing something new. Ask as often as you can.
- Forget about the rest of them – some people won’t like your choices, or the fact that you’re changing and growing. It doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t. Start trying to let go of those hang-ups. It’s a tough one, but uncovering your life purpose will be so much easier if you’re not worried what everyone is going to think of it. You can’t control their behaviour, but you can control how you chose to feel about it.
- Bench your ego – your ego is that voice that says “let’s show everyone how good we are at this” or “everyone will be really impressed when I do that”. Your ego skews your life purpose to look like what she thinks everyone else wants to see, so it’s time to bench her. This takes time, but it’s a simple matter of persistence, every time your ego gets involved on the pitch, call her back and bench her. Repeat. Over time she will get the message and stop pitch-hogging. Without your ego interfering your life purpose may well start to morph into something else.
- Nobody else has this ‘life purpose’ thing sorted – they really don’t. Even the people who look like they have it all sorted struggle sometimes. People who are happy and fulfilled work every day to maintain that, it’s never ‘finished’. So try to chill out, you’re not miles behind everyone else.
- Be grateful – don’t use all of your energy hunting for more fulfilment, use some to think about what you’ve got already. What already exists in your life that lights you up and makes you smile? Take some time to appreciate that. Maybe you’re so busy looking for shiny things you’ve failed to see the ones you’ve already got.
- What if it’s not all about you? – I know, I know, I’ve told you it is all internal! But just give me a second, I’m playing devil’s advocate. What if your life purpose isn’t all about you? Just for a minute stop focusing on what’s in it for you. What would you be doing if this wasn’t about you?
- Be honest – we all have little secrets, the bits about us we don’t like to admit, the unhealthy obsession with FarmVille, the unorthodox crush, the extra dress size – sure! And what about the rest? I’m not asking you to admit them to anyone else, well not yet anyway, but do you admit them to yourself? To find your life purpose you have to be brutally honest with yourself, accept who you are, even the ugly bits. It’s scary, but it sure is empowering! Oh and also the ugly bits are a lot less ugly when you just accept them and work with them!
- Ask ‘why?’, not ‘what?’ – once you’ve got some ideas to explore, rather than looking at ‘what’ they are look at ‘why’ you want them. What will it bring you? Once you know, go after that first. Want to live in the country so enjoy your surroundings more? Try enjoying your surrounding where you are. Want more money so you can have more freedom, try working on the freedom first.
- Sail away in your dreams – shut your eyes and think about what you would do if anything was possible. Where would you be 5 years from now? You might get more ambitious ideas from visualising than from more practical goal setting methods. In a fantasy world your brain might allow you access to things that would otherwise be under lock and key. They’re safe in the fantasy world, they can’t hurt you, you’re not actually going to go and try to do them, you’re just fantasising. Haha, gotcha brain!
- What’s important? – your true life purpose will undoubtedly align with your values – the principles you want to live your life by. Ascertaining these values can give a great insight into your purpose. Start by making a list of everyone you admire, and then write down why you admire them. It’s likely these reasons will align with your most important values.
- What moves you? – Is there anything you get really emotional about? Anything you won’t shut up talking about once someone mentions it? Anything that makes you cry with joy, or with sadness? Any injustice that saddens you? Anything that never fails to make you smile? Think about why. What does that trigger in you? What’s going on there.
- Don’t worry about never finding those things – when I was where you are never finding ‘it’ was my biggest fear. I never quite managed to shake that, but please do try to, you’ll feel a lot better. I promise you will find lots of things that light you up, they might not be the huge lifelong thing you were looking for, but if you do something that makes you shine every day the effect will be the same.
- Make small improvements – you’re probably not going to stumble upon the exact set of life circumstances that would suit you perfectly, and if you did, well, life would just get in the way anyway. Instead try to constantly make small improvements to every element of your life. How can you make life 1% better today? Spend an extra 5 minutes with the kids in the morning, tell someone you love them, finish that report.
- Where did your goals come from? – with all goals/purposes/ideas, new and old, check their source. Are they actually yours? Or are they someone else’s? Maybe you can’t find your purpose because you’ve got someone else’s definition of what life should look like.
- Don’t waste time on ‘forever’ – don’t bother trying to find your life purpose, instead – what would be the best thing you could do right now? What about a purpose for this week, month, year, or even the next 5 or 10 years?
- Get out of your comfort zone – firstly, you’ve done everything in your comfort zone already (it’s a fair assumption, we’re generally not completely comfortable with something we have never done). Secondly, you haven’t found your passions yet, so at least some of them could be things you haven’t tried. Therefore, to find your passions you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone. The logic is undeniable! Make a list of things that make you cringe a bit to think about, things that give you butterflies. Leave off anything that makes you breakdown completely and hide under your duvet with a pack of chocolate fingers, you’re not quite ready for that. Yet. Then pick one!
- Take action – if this article was entitled “1 way to find your life purpose” then this would be it. You have to do stuff. Yes, there’s thinking and journaling and talking about your feelings, but ultimately your life is what you do. And I know that it’s scary, and hard, I know you’re scared of getting it wrong, or of falling flat on your face. I know you’re going to say I’ll do it next week, or that you’re just too busy. I know that you’ll do it once you have more confidence, or have taken some more training, or have planned a bit more. I get all that, I do. But I’m asking you to do it anyway, and not because I’ve underestimated how hard it is for you and not because I don’t understand, because I do. I’ve been there before and I will be there again, and again, and again. Sometimes I’ve chosen action and sometimes I haven’t, but I know that action is the only way forward. The only way. Go do!
- Ask for feedback – ask your friends and family if they’ve noticed anything that might be useful in your search for purpose. Run ideas by them and get feedback. Just remember most people will want to give their opinion, that’s fine, but just remember that’s all it is, their viewpoint based on what’s going on in their head. Accept all feedback graciously, use what you want to and discount what you don’t need.
- Let go of comparison – comparison is another way to do life on someone else’s terms. To ‘win’ at comparison you have to pick something universal within the group you are comparing. Cue the usual suspects: house, job, income, appearance, weight, relationship status, these are all easy to compare. But do we actually care about these things? Do you actually care what car you drive? Would you still want that Ferrari if it was your secret, if nobody ever saw you drive it and it was just for you to enjoy, alone, out on the open road? Some people would, people that genuinely get enjoyment out of driving a nice car, but if you’re thinking “what’s the point of having a nice car if nobody ever sees you driving it”, then consider who that car is really for. The comparison game is actually impossible to win, there is always someone who’s got something better. Even if you become the richest person in the world, someone will have a more supportive partner or better behaved children or better bicep definition and you will just start chasing that, because you’ll be addicted to being better. The most amazing thing about your life is that it is actually your game, you set the rules, you decide how to win and you’re the only one that gets a shot. So please, just throw that old comparison game away, the game you can’t win and don’t actually care about. Sit down, write your own set of amazing rules, then play as hard as you can and celebrate winning your game every single day.
Conclusion
Our life purpose is not defined as a single song, but as a series of notes, put together by us to form a beautiful and melodic whole. Taking this approach to life purpose allows us to live a fulfilling life even in the presence of internal and external change. It keeps us open to new opportunities and possibilities and allows us to find fulfilment in all areas of our life, rather than only in our work. Accepting that life purpose is made up of lots of smaller parts reduces the pressure to figure it out.
There are various ways to investigate life purpose, 34 of which are presented in this article. The main focuses are: action, getting to know yourself and your subconscious, courage, incremental improvements and being less concerned with other people.
References
University of Minnesota – Taking Charge of your Health & Wellbeing. What Is Life Purpose? http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-wellbeing/purpose/life-purpose/what-life-purpose (accessed 29 July 2014)
TimMinchin.com. Occasional Address. http://www.timminchin.com/2013/09/25/occasional-address/ (accessed 30 July 2014)