Empower Triumph:
Throughout the coaching process, I made sure to acknowledge the changes that were occurring while continuing to talk about the challenges, the wins and the focusing on the goal:
Let’s talk about your wins? How do you feel? How can you be grateful? How do you keep yourself motivated? How do you reward yourself? How do you keep the goal(s) vivid and tangible in your mind?
The first desired goal was met:
Amal changed drastically through the following months when it came to her relationship with her mother and her family. I felt amazed when the mother, with a happy face, talked about the closeness and the changes she noticed in her daughter, for the first time in along time she said; “Amal just came from nowhere and hugged and kissed me while I’m standing cooking in the kitchen.” She started to open up more and talked about school and peer pressure. She started to respect the rules which minimized the lies and manipulations.
She felt she is a priority in her mom’s life which made her feel important and loved, and that increased her confidence.
The second desired goal was met ( inner happiness and satisfaction):
The mother’s successful efforts, to bring her daughter closer to her, brought the whole family together. The involvement of the father was crucial to the family relationship to grow. They tried to do family activities and open up more to listen to the children’s needs and aspirations. The mother felt stronger and more proud and successful.
She found herself changing in the process, becoming more educated but she still has a way to go, but she felt open to challenges. She left her comfort zone and started to meet others outside her culture and in the process made new friends.
What was truly amazing to me and rather unexpected were the quick changes I noticed in the mother and the will to pursuit her ‘action plan’ in order, ‘to save her daughter’ as she mentioned to me many times. Amal was on the verge of a big psychological problem: cutting herself, leaving the house, chatting with older men and perhaps other things. Amazingly, however, she steadily started to listen to her mother, discuss her needs and becoming an active part of her family again.
Follow up:
The mother thanked me profusely and expressed her gratitude in different ways. She also wrote me a statement encouraging mothers to welcome and work with coaches by saying: ‘It’s never too late to work on relationships!’ Finally, she calls me occasionally to keep me updated on her progress- knowing that I’m here if she needs me.
Final Note:
Due to the unique cultural situation and the mother’s repeated plea, I agreed to coach the daughter at the same time which, in my opinion, helped the process move along faster and better while garnering the aforementioned results; however, the details of those sessions would require me to write another research paper. For now, let this suffice.
Let’s raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhood. Pam Leo
References and acknowledgment:
Muslim Teens’ A practical parenting guide; Dr. Ekram & Mohamed R. Beshir.
Active Parenting Now’ by Michael H. Popkin.
Why Muslim Teens Rebel’ by Mohamed R. Beshir.
ICA website and other related sources.