Challenges facing the mother
1) Understanding adolescent’s development stage
According to Dr. Bettie B. Youngs, in her book,’ Safeguarding Your Teens from the DRAGON of Life’ she defines the adolescent as a person who:
Another dimension; Muslims and middle-eastern Teens in particular;
Most of Muslim youth living in western societies feel they’re a visible minority and that they are different from the mainstream; some Muslim Teens (girls) wear Hijab (Islamic veil) during junior high and high school, Muslim Teens are required to pray sometimes in school when prayer time is in, they fast during the Holy Month of Ramadan, also they are not into dating or dancing parties which is usually associated with drinking and drugs, but for them the hardest part for them is they have to explain themselves to their peers.
In the midst of a Western culture in which dating, drinking, concerts and parties are the focus of day to day conversation of Teens, surely it adds to the pressures they face.
2) Understanding the children’s environment
Muslim teens’ struggle between two clashing cultures:
As mentioned in Dr. Ikram and Dr. Beshir Book,”Muslim Teens, Today’s worry- Tomorrow’s Hope” it is very important to understand the psychological struggle and the challenges Muslims teens face while trying to form their own identity, being exposed to two cultures which are almost contradictory to each other.
Popular teens culture in North America:
It promotes individuality sometimes to the level of selfishness, challenging authority, exploring and experiencing disregarding responsibilities or consequences much of the time. Additionally, this teen culture encourage living for the moment, having fun now and thinking later, instant gratification, and short-term thrills.
Interestingly enough, a Columbine High School student wrote: “The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller building, but shorter temper; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learn to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor; We’ve cleaned the air, but polluted the soul; we’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.”
Faith and Middle Eastern Culture:
Faith is a big part of the Middle Eastern culture; however, it tends to promote almost the opposite of Western Culture.
Because the above Muslim values tend to be differently expressed from their Western counterpart, parents and teens face tremendous challenges in dealing with apparently completely contradictory cultures and their subsequent forms of expression.
3) Lack of parenting skills and effective communication:
As an immigrant parent, the mother faced immense challenges adapting to her environment, not being able to master the language which affected her communication skills, and her ability to understand the new culture and its implication for her children, their environment, their struggles; consequently, the barrier between her and her children had widened.
4) The mother’s inner struggle for happiness and fulfillment:
As a young woman who got married very young and who didn’t attend college or experienced life, the mother found herself responsible for a spouse, children, and elders living in the same house; consequently, she had very little time for self searching and self fulfillment. During our session, it took her a long time to come up with a list of things she loves to do. She also had difficulty answering deeply personal questions, such as: What excites you? What are your strength and positive traits? What is your goal and purpose in life? If you would be given the choice to pursue your dreams, what would it be besides having a family?
Coaching Process:
This was a challenging case for me as many issues needed to be untangled and separated. There were two desired outcome, however, she hoped to achieve by the end of the 12 coaching sessions:
- To know how to better her relationship with her children, especially her daughters.
- To find herself in the process and become a happier, more positive individual.