For deep coaches, our greatest effort goes not into asking questions, but into nurturing a healing space for transformation as we tune into the higher intelligence that is available. Silence is the connective tissue of which that healing space is structured, and allows us to just be with another person, in our most authentic state. Why should we limit this higher intelligence by letting ourselves get in the way?
I feel a natural comfort with silence. Some coaches may be uncomfortable with silence and feel the need to break an awkward silence by asking a powerful question to move on and achieve results. As I settled into the flow of the course I truly appreciated the mindfulness teachings and practices that I have incorporated into my life. My coaching is evolving as I bear witness to the unfolding of change in my clients and me, recognising that there is nowhere we need to get to, and no results that must be achieved. Being in the moment, truly present, aligned with the primary aim of cultivating our connection with spirit and our inner life force, I use all tools and practices available to support and foster that connection, including silence.
Silence in coaching gives a person time to slow down their thinking, explore thoughts and feelings, to contemplate ideas and process information, and to develop what they want to say. Silence helps people to go deeper, to the core of who they are. With the slowing down of a conversation, and periods of silence, inspiration can arise in the space between the words.
The practice of living spiritual values and releasing spiritual agendas was challenging for me to grasp as our spiritual beliefs and values can have both a positive and a negative effect on another person’s transformation. As transformational coaches we are concerned with how our belief or value system can creep in and unduly influence the transformational process.
Although it may never be possible for us, as coaches, to be completely free from influencing the coaching space with our beliefs and thoughts, we can become aware of the potential, and begin observing how we negatively and positively influence another person’s transformation. With increasing awareness, it becomes possible to let go of or shift our beliefs and thoughts, so that the space we create is as free as possible of any ideas of what should or should not be happening. It is not our role to judge or direct the natural unfolding of change occurring within another human being.
The prime directive of deep coaching is to foster within our clients a connection with their inner life force. When people connect with their inner life force they are in a most resourceful state and through the guidance of higher consciousness life flows with the greatest amount of ease and joy.
We use both beliefs and values to guide our actions and behaviours, and to form attitudes towards different things, but they are essentially different, and this difference lies at the heart of the deep coaching practice of releasing spiritual agendas while living our spiritual values.
Beliefs are convictions that we generally hold to be true; they are assumptions we make about the world. Each religion, religious sect, and spiritual program has its own set of beliefs and doctrines.
Values are things that we deem important. Our values are more universal in nature, and can include concepts like equality, honesty, love, effort, perseverance, loyalty, faithfulness, and many, more.
The challenging part for me is this: we are releasing spiritual agendas, AND with this deep coaching practice we are being encouraged to live our spiritual values. This may seem like a contradiction. On one hand we are being asked to let go of our spiritual agendas so as not to unduly influence another’s transformational process, and on the other hand we are being encouraged to live our spiritual values which can also influence a transformational process.
The answer to the apparent dilemma lies in identifying exactly what is being influenced by our spiritual values. Recall the metaphor that deep coaches are the cocoon in which a person’s transformation is happening. Each one of us, in our radiant uniqueness, makes up the nature and character of the cocoon and the cocoon we are nurturing is a healing space. Therefore it makes sense that certain spiritual values can positively influence the transformational process, particularly those values, and their related energies, which enliven and strengthen the fabric of a healing space.
To get clear on this, however, we must first determine what our spiritual values are and how those values show up in our coaching space. I invite you to take a moment to reflect on and write down honest answers to the following question.
Q. What are your core spiritual values? List as many core spiritual values as you can. What is important to you? Out of this list, designate your top five core values in order of priority.
In answering this question I identified my five core spiritual values as love, acceptance, compassion, trust and authenticity. I now have a clear picture in my mind of the difference between spiritual beliefs and spiritual values and the influence that they may exert in a coaching conversation. Being clear on my spiritual values supports me and the cocoon that I nurture for my clients, creating conditions which are conducive to organic growth into wholeness, integrity and alignment.
Transformation is a unique occurrence in one’s life. Growth and change are regular and ongoing aspects of the human experience, but profound inner transformation is something that happens infrequently over the span of a lifetime, just as a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly but once.