Leon co-created a nurturing cocoon for our class, group experience and learning. He and the ten class participants bonded by sharing introductions and stories of how and why we were in the class. Leon also read the Standards of Presence (SOP), as adapted from Coach for Life and The Foundation for Inspired Learning, to the class. The primary underlying principle of the Standards of Presence is acceptance. By respecting and following these Standards we can accept that everyone is doing their best to learn and grow. Initially I felt a little overwhelmed in the class, judging myself as inadequate in my experience from a spiritual perspective, and feeling that I did not have the spiritual language of some of my classmates. As my self-acceptance grew I experienced the benefits of the safe, empowering environment to learn, create, communicate and celebrate.
We quickly built a sense of community from the first class, becoming a cohesive group, trusting of each other, open to authentic sharing, and able to express one’s self without fear of what others would think. I had entered the class with an open and innocent mind and heart, and felt a sense of mutual intent and purpose with the class members. We shared agreement and commitment to the SOP setting the tone for the ten week course. The SOP provided a strong platform for the class and peer coaching experience, adding breadth and depth to the ICF Core Competencies as applicable to group dynamics. Additional standards are practicing a positive focus, connecting at the heart level, claiming my experience as my own, giving and receiving acknowledgement and support, practicing self-care and self-responsibility and allowing others to do the same, and being fully present.
Living in the current fast paced world, and in coaching conversations, we have a tendency to want change to happen quickly. Making choices, setting goals, taking actions, assessing progress and results are all top of mind in many coaching relationships. Most change happens gradually in the world of human transformation and striving for faster results can disconnect us from our most resourceful state.
Two primary intentions of a deep coaching relationship are to provide a sanctuary from the rigors of life in which a different rhythm is experienced, and to showcase how life slowed down can be a life lived with greater ease, clarity, and often joy.
As coaches practicing deep coaching we are encouraged to let go of any sense of striving and replace it by slowing down and syncing with the life force that is beneath the surface dramas of day to day living. We are creating a coaching space in which clients are invited to experience and become aware of themselves in sync with their inner life force.
In peer coaching my cocoon was built on mutual understanding, and as a client I felt safe, respected, and open. Trust had already been built in the class so we were able to share the experience of slowing down and to explore deep issues, trusting instinct, intuition, and gut.
A healing space is one in which a person is capable of relaxing the stressors in their mind and body to the point where they have access to their most resourceful state. We are the creators and holders of the healing space in which people can grow and transform themselves into new possibilities. We are the safe and secure cocoon in which the transformation takes place, allowing vulnerability, nourishing and supporting transformation, and woven with the fabric of emerging potential.
In deep, transformational coaching, the heart must be at the heart of coaching. We are connecting with the heart, listening deeply and allowing questions to arise. The deep coach places the intention on supporting the client and holding the space to allow great empathy and expanded insights to arise. Other elements central to deep coaching—trust in self, faith in the unknown, courage when afraid, perseverance in the face of setback, love as an integrating force—are all creations of the heart centre.
In my experience, as a client, I have been in situations where the coach is driving their own agenda in my session, is action focused, and losing sight of my agenda. As deep coaches, when we tune into our client’s deepest sense of self and let that lead the session, we are free of our agenda. We turn the guidance of our client’s life over to that aspect of himself or herself which KNOWS what is needed in any given moment.
Listening deeply, with an open heart, we listen for the signals of what wants to happen, and what is trying to emerge from the deeper flow of source and authentic self. We are allowing the natural unfolding of change.
In peer coaching sessions I experienced how difficult it can be to let go. My clients in peer coaching went through a process, letting intellectual thought go, and allowing knowing to arise. Letting go allowed them to reconnect to their inner field of perfect peace, knowing and ease. DCI has brought me a long way as a coach in letting go of the need to find solutions and trusting the process at work.
Recently I had a wonderful ‘letting go’ insight in a session with my coach. “I realise that I have been holding on until my knuckles are white. I am now letting the rope slip through my hands. I allow my knuckles to be pink. They no longer need to be white!” That is what surrendering is all about!
Reflecting on the five practices we have covered so far, we see that silence is intimately connected to each deep coaching practice. Silence results when we slow it all down and sync with the rhythm of life and spirit; silence arises naturally when we nurture healing spaces, because silence is a healing space; silence allows us to still our thoughts so that we can drop into the intelligence of the heart; and in silence we can effectively tune into our client’s deeper sense of self and the emergence of what wants to happen. In silence, a higher intelligence can manifest.