How does the coach support client? What is the process?
The coach starts by unveiling the root of the issue. Basically where does the idea of feeling “not good enough” comes from? Awareness is the first important step to moving forward. No one can go through life sleeping and not knowing what has contributed to a certain issue. This helps the client learn that the idea of “not good enough” does not come from him, but that it comes from someone or something that made him feel this way.
Being aware is like breathing, it is fundamental to our everyday existence. Without awareness we are moving through life without breathe, without direction, without connecting with ourselves and thus others. ( IE-107-CRAW: Creating Awareness, ICA module, level 1)
Coach helps client discover where the negative self-talk begun so client can be compassionate and understanding towards himself. By discovering the unlimited beliefs awareness is being created. This helps client move forward.
Moving forward can be achieved by recognizing the belief that underpins a behavior and deciding whether this belief is something you still want to believe in. You can stop the behavior by stopping the belief. (Underlying Beliefs, ICA module, level 2)
What happens if a client feels guilty? In this case the coach encourages the client and guides him with questioning to help client see that he has nothing to blame himself for.
A quote the coach likes to use which is very powerful:
When you know better, you do better. (by Oprah Winfrey: Lifeclass show on OWN)
The client cannot know what he was not aware of in the past, he only has the power to improve the present and the future.
The 2nd step of the process coach guides client towards self acceptance. Once client has gained awareness, he can start to accept himself as he is. Acceptance means that you do not judge yourself for something you did. You are simply aware that this is the situation right now. You don’t have to agree with it but simply make peace with it.
Once the underlying belief is detected, you have the power to decide how you will use this new awareness. One of the traps is distinguishing any underlying belief is to make a judgment about the underlying belief by thinking that it is ‘bad or wrong’ and reflecting that judgment back onto ourselves and who we are. Making an underlying belief ‘bad or wrong’ or making ourselves ‘bad or wrong’ for holding a belief is disempowering and will only leave you feeling stuck. The power of identifying an underlying belief comes in facing and owning it-that is, by allowing it to simply be, or detect it and not judge it. Identifying an underlying belief this way allows you to see other opportunities that apparently seem not to have been there before. (Underlying Beliefs, ICA module, level 2)
Self acceptance is an invitation to stop trying to change yourself into the person you wish to be, long enough to find out who you really are. (Robert Holden)
Coach helps client achieve this through questions such as:
Is this true? What step can you take now that will be more positive and softer with yourself? Why is it hard for you to accept this about yourself? How do you feel about it?
In addition coach gives client some activities such as saying or writing positive affirmations , and journaling.
One way to stretch your comfort zone is to bombard your subconscious mind with new thoughts and images… The technique you use to do this is called affirmations. (Jack Canfield)
These activities help client increase awareness so client can observe when she is having trouble accepting herself as she is. Many times coach will use a quote to inspire client.
Once the client accepts a situation as is, he is being more loving towards himself and therefore can move forward towards shifting a negative self talk into a more positive one. A new perspective. The moment client does that, he sees life in a different lense. Now he is ready to move from not good enough to excellence. In a gala of merit that was hosted by an organization for the Montreal airport the president of Air Canada, an aviation company said something very important regarding success, achievement and excellence. He said that success is about focusing on excelling, on doing the best that you can do and allowing yourself to make mistakes. He also said that excellence is about focus, knowledge and strategy.
In the 3rd step coach guides client to find a more positive perspective that is suitable for where he is now in his process of growth and development. The idea is to move the client just one little step upwards and closer to his goal and help client find a perspective he feels comfortable adopting. Coach guides client by using powerful questions such as:
How is this perspective serving you now? How is this perspective make you feel now? What perspective are you ready and comfortable taking now that will shift you one step forward. Coach will also use an inspiration such as a quote or a story to assist client to move one step forward?
This new perspective will assist client to move to the next step which is taking action towards achieving his goal.
Now client is ready to take actions to manifest the goal into his life. Coach guides client through questioning to find actions client feels comfortable taking.
Questions such as:
What steps can you put in place that can move you closer to your goal? So you want to reach X, what step you feel comfortable taking now to get closer to that goal? Would you like to brainstorm some options together?
Then with client’s consent coach helps him find strategic ways to implement these actions in his life.
Another important step a coach takes is to encourage client to be accountable by assisting him to find solutions to:
- organize himself by integrating the action into their schedule.
- Find ways to deal with the resistance that might come along such as fears for example.
- Find ways to overcome obstacles that come during the process of taking action.
Troubleshooting:
Many times clients are afraid to fail and make mistakes. While taking actions they might be fearful and doubtful. Coach helps the client overcome his fears by using “worse case scenario” technique. Coach asks client the following question:
What is the worst thing that can happen if X happens?
Coach goes further as to also make client see what she might miss if she holds on to her fear by looking at all the opportunities she can get if she takes that action she is afraid of and overcomes it. Coach also encourages client to be detached from the result and expectations and rather focus on visualizing and keep her attention on her goal. Coach gives examples of how successful people have overcome their fears and reached success. Coach asks client to look back at her previous successes and asks her to name some of her successes.
Coach does that by giving an exciting assignment form to fill in between sessions. These methods help client stay on track and helps client achieve her goal.
The objective is to help client become a high-achiever who creates success by being true to himself, loving who he is and attain excellence in an accepting and loving way.
Conclusion
The entertainment industry is a tough world where expectations are for perfection. Women in this business suffer from a lot of pressure to be perfect which in turn affects their own perception of themselves. Coaching can help them do what they love and reach excellence by keeping their self-confidence strong by not being influenced by what the external world tells them. Being successful is about perfecting your art, by excelling in it, versus being perfect. Once the idea of perfection is removed even though the strive for perfection is an important element of excellence, then the perception of the self is more accepting and loving.
Finally, please remember the following quote:
When you know better, you do better. (by Oprah Winfrey)
This is the essence of excellence. This replaces
I am not good enough
by being the best that one can be and using one’s strengths and talents to the maximum. This is what the coach is striving to accomplish with these clients in a world where the pressure to be perfect is high.
Bibliography
Douglas Eby, (May 1st 2012), Actors and Self-Esteem-Boosting Self Confidence, http://ezinearticles.com
Brianrios 1025, (May 1st, 2012), The prisoner of Your Respective Own Thoughts, How You Can Overcome Perfectionism in 6 Convenient Uncomplicated Options?, http://www.blogster.com
Creating Awerness, ICA module, level 1
Underlying Beliefs, ICA module, level 2
Robert Holden, (May 3, 2012), title, http://www.Oprah.com
Douglas Eby, (May 3rd, 2012), Artistic Confidence: Rejection-does it defeat you or fuel you? ,
Oprah Winfrey Show
Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer, The Success Principles, How to Get from Where You Are to Where You want to Be, New York, Harper Collins Publishers inc., (2005)
Martin M. Anthony PH.D. and Richard P. Swinson, MD (2009 ), When Perfect isn’t Good Enough, Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism, 2nd edition, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., California, retrieved from http://books.google.ca