The ideal role of the Inner Parent
The positive role of the inner parent is created by unconditional love, support, and nurture of the inner child. John Pollard, in his book Self Parenting says: “The inner parent is able to accept, teach and motivates the inner child while still having a sense of inner child being a separate and distinct self.” When we refer to a healthy inner parent, this leads us to the idea of what a great parent is: skillful in the parent/child interaction. This great parent fulfills and pays attention to the present child emotional needs and realizes the necessity of being loved, accepted, recognized, motivated, and complimented. This child will grow in solid emotional foundation and become a strong emotionally stable adult. Every healthy parent wishes the best to their children. This parent will guide and encourage the inner child towards the exploration of his/her interests and talents. As your inner parent’s skills improve you can help your inner child discover and develop his/her natural aptitudes and qualities as well as his/her knowledge and patience.
Great attributes for a Positive Inner Parent
Usually s/he pays attention to:
How is your Inner Child?
“Eric Berne” was a Canadian-born psychiatrist best known as the creator of transactional analysis and the author of “Games People Play about states of Ego”, in which he describes four states of Ego during the child development. He describes:
Four states of Inner Child
The child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:
Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative)
Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative)
Four states of Inner Parent
The parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:
Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative)
Controlling – Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative)
Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.
Inner Conversations
How to begin inner bonding?
Make peace with yourself
The book “Make Peace with your Parents” from Bloomfield tells us about the importance of releasing inner conflicts with our family, specially our parents in order to find our inner peace. “I sensed that you don’t get to heaven alone – you take your family with you.” (Bloomfield, 4)
When we deny, judge or do not accept our parents for any reason, we automatically block the natural flow of energy and emotional difficulties arise. In some cases people condemned the parenthood and end up becoming severe Inner critical and having relationships problems. In order to apply a healthy self- parenting, it is important to bring awareness about the parent’s client relationship quality as well as the underlying beliefs associated to this relationship. After clarifying the importance and benefits of accepting and forgiving parents out there, the client will be aware of his/her inner dynamic and chose to accept, improve it or not. The option and benefits of forgiving parent’s mistakes and become a better Inner Parent can be a starting point for a new journey filled with peace and self-love.