Julia Cameron in her book “Vein of Gold” says: ” Take the time to add to your Narrative Time Line any accomplishments that you now realize and had overlooked and undervalued.” Most of the people are not used to listen to good things about themselves because of improper education, criticism or negative self-criticisms that have been presented in their lives. In order to change the perspective towards the client’s self-perception, there is a need to reinforce a positive attitude in their behaviors. The self-acknowledgement can be described as an infusion of positivity about the good parts of the inner Self. This adds a new self-approach and growth of self-esteem. The fact of reissuing a new treatment toward the client’s inner child allows him or her to approach them in different and qualitative emotional manner. By building self-recognition and self-appreciation for what they have achieved, coaches can re-educate inner parents to treat inner child in a friendly and gentle way. The results of this approach are shown with the gain of inner peace and growth of energy levels.
By reflecting upon this interaction and understanding this inner relationship between inner parent and inner child, it delivers a sense of a broader vision about our psychological components that run our mind and how fundamental it is to create a safer inner emotional mind. The closer the intimacy we develop between these two Selves is, the better it will mirror our external relationships with other “inner parents” and other “inner child”. Consequently the high levels of interaction, quality, love, flexibility will appear in our relationships.
Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them – Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943
The Inner Child conflicts
John K. Pollard defines in his book Self Parenting: “Inner conflict occurs between the needs of the Inner Child and the Inner Parent, within your inner conversation.”(Self-Parenting, p.112) Who never felt tension, awaking up with some inner voice, indecision, or a deep emotional emptiness inside the stomach? By looking to the inner interaction dynamic, we can define inner conflicts as a problem with our inner conversations.
Inner conflict is any kind of upsetting difference between our thoughts – what we think we should do or feel – and our feelings – our level of emotions and attitudes. INNER BONDING (Paul, Margaret PH.D).
We face everyday life problems all the time that demand our energy, but it is still possible to handle it, because they are out there. The inner conflicts drain the individual’s energy. The inner peace is withdrawn, as well the ability to think clearly. It also affects the ability to produce or perform quantitatively. Some people can suffer from their inner conflicts during a lifetime, if they do not identify and handle them properly. Usually those inner conflicts are expressed by guilt or obligation. The transformation needs to start from inside out, and the more aware one is when in the inner conversation, the easier one will be able to handle both selves, diplomatically. Sometimes inner conflicts can be so strong that they paralyze a person’s life. For better understanding the inner dynamic process, it is important to learn how to identify these two different personalities expressed by Inner parent and by Inner Child playing within our mind. The ability to role play mentally between Inner Parent and Inner Child creates a unique opportunity to look into the conflict by two different aspects, emotionally and rationally. This will develop self-flexibility and self-nourishment that pleases all aspects of our mind.
When the conflict is not resolved and we take action, without consider our feelings, or take actions that is opposed to what we feel, or even ignore our feelings, we abandoned our inner feelings (Child) or disconnect from them. As a result we create an inner turmoil, discontentment, emptiness and lack of joy.
In order to find a solution for the inner conflict, it is important to remember that the inner parent will be the Self in charge of the conflict resolution. Our rational mind can see and understand clearly what is going on underneath the problem, once Inner Parent can listen to and perceive the inner Child’s needs.
Resolutions
By applying the power of self-love we can heal ourselves. Certainly other’s love can support this process as from friend to friend, mate to mate, but only when the Inner Adult loves the Inner Child the healing process happens and the inner alignment between both Selves occur.
The negative Inner Parent – Break the Pattern
Usually when people were neglected, abused or received a poor affection and love during childhood, they tend to develop a similar pattern that repeats itself. The consequences are expressed into behaviors such as self-invalidation, misunderstanding or ignoring the inner feelings or desires. Most people love themselves conditionally. Due to distorted education they learn that love needs to be associated to some performance or acquisition in order to be approved. The negative Self-Parent tends to be selfish and demanding, or becomes too perfectionist and puts undeserved pressure on the inner child. “Why are you so hard on yourself?” or “Why don’t you take a better care of yourself?”
Self-application
Go back to your memories and observe how your childhood was. Identify the patterns that were present during that time. Remember your relationship with your siblings, your parents, or significant people in your life and observe the way they used to interact with you. Is there any similarity with the way you treat yourself today? Find the Underlying Beliefs that you have the tendency to use when you are under stress, seeking for love, recognition or acceptance. If you had critical voices calling you, how would you call yourself today, as an adult?