Aging Gracefully
Janet’s final point of focus was on exploring and processing through her feelings and thoughts around getting older. The path these coaching sessions took was the most surprising to me because of the awareness she gained into seemingly unrelated areas of life. We had been coaching for nine or ten sessions when we came full circle back around to one of Janet’s responses from her initial questionnaire. She had said, “I feel I’m slowly fading into the faceless persona of a woman over 50. I don’t like it.” She didn’t know quite why she felt like she was fading away. She wasn’t sure how to feel solid and stable again. Despite loosing weight, Janet also described a “gray aura” that seemed to linger from when she was heavier.
To move Janet forward, we explored:
Janet discovered:
The result was:
Insights as a Coach
The process of coaching Janet was a wonderful opportunity to see the coaching process work from start to finish. I was able to see first hand proof of many of the key coaching principles ICA teaches.
All coaching is life coaching.
When Janet approached me about style-coaching I was excited to use my coach training along with my past experience in the fashion and beauty industry. I expected to talk about her hair, makeup and clothing. These are areas I have expertise. I didn’t expect us to get into so many areas I where I have little or no expertise. In ICA, there is a common adage that “after the first few sessions all coaching is life coaching”. My experience with Janet really solidified that truth to me. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have context for some of the topics we explored. My job was to be a coach, not an expert in the areas that she explored.
Trust the coaching process by letting the client be the driver.
The hardest thing for me when I started coaching was to trust the process to work. It’s tempting to have an agenda, try to predict where things need to go, or go into problem solving mode for the client. From the first session with Janet, my goal was to step out of the way and let her choose the direction we took each week. At times, it was difficult to let her steer because I wanted to follow up on something from the last session or get back to a question that I hadn’t had a chance to explore. However, I noticed that when I let her continue on the path she was on, she gained new awareness in areas I wouldn’t have investigated and often times she circled back to a subject I wanted to explore. I learned to stay in a coach role and let her do the work she needed to do at her own pace.
It all comes down to core values.
Janet’s initial issue was pretty surface level. She just wanted to learn how to look professional for her new business. By coaching her, I’ve learned that surface-level issues usually have deep roots. Janet’s deeper issues were a misalignment of core values of worth, purpose, and identity. What she looked like on the outside was only a symptom of the turmoil that she felt within. By asking powerful questions, it’s possible to get to the root of every issue. Coaching is about helping the client discover their core values and helping do what’s necessary to align everything to them.
Setting a strong foundation is key.
Perhaps one of the greatest lessons I learned is the power of creating a safe and trusted space for the client. Janet and I were nine or ten sessions into coaching when she started sharing the deeper more painful parts of her of story with me. She was only comfortable being open because she had been listened to, supported, and encouraged through the more surface-level issues. Being in safe and trusted space allowed her to open up and process through things she hadn’t been able to before.