A Research Paper By Kate Glover, Corporate/Leadership Coach, AUSTRALIA
Coaching Leaders: Purpose – This Paper ‘Why’
Having worked with Leaders for more than 15 years, the one comment I repeatedly hear from managers is that managing people is the hardest part of their job. They are fearful of having difficult conversations and survey after survey says employees do not get the feedback they need. It is my hope as a Coach to support Leaders in getting comfortable in the uncomfortable and see the conversation as a human interaction and opportunity to inspire.
Having difficult conversations is a part of life. Leaders in an organizational context, will be required to find the courage to have difficult conversations and deliver feedback to the employees they manage. These types of conversations may relate to; poor performance, poor behaviors, delivering an unpopular message, and much more.
There are many studies that show Leaders go to extraordinary lengths to avoid having uncomfortable conversations with the employees they manage and there are a variety of reasons as to why Leaders avoid these conversations. For example, the Leader may be concerned about not staying in control, appearing to lack confidence, fearing the employee’s reaction and the leader may have a strong need to be liked and perceive the working environment as unsafe.
A difficult conversation isn’t just about delivering a message, adhering to a process, or providing feedback it is a human interaction that has the potential to bring about a change in the emotional state of both the employee and the Leader.
The purpose of this research paper is to explore the role of coaching in supporting Leaders to have difficult conversations and deliver feedback. It will explore how coaching can be practically applied in this context with a focus on emotional intelligence, process versus the human perspective, appreciative inquiry, and finding out the ‘why’.
Why Do These Conversations Matter and What’s at Risk?
Regardless of a person’s background, cultural context, and field of work, people desire meaningful human connections. By avoiding difficult conversations, the Leader reduces the opportunity to have a productive and meaningful relationship between themselves and the employee. As a result, there may be increased dysfunction, disconnection[1], mistrust, lower performance, a decrease in morale, and lower job satisfaction.
Furthermore, avoidance risks the issue escalating into a much bigger and more complex issue.
When you make a choice, you change the future: Deepak Chopra
Process Versus Human Interaction
In an organizational context, there are times when the focus of the difficult conversation centers around the process and not the person. For example, the process to optimize return on investment, the process for technology enablement, conversational frameworks, and methodologies (i.e. feedback sandwich and scripts) are seen to drive improvements. And while the process is important, it alone doesn’t address human behavior which is complex and often underpinning the very reason for the conversation. Leaders who balance the conversation with both, process and an understanding of human behavior invite a human experience into the conversation which increases the opportunity for improved performance and a healthier relationship between themselves and the employee.
What Leadership Traits Make For Effective Conversations
As described in Korn Ferry’s research[2], Leaders who balance processes whilst incorporating human interaction overwhelmingly described a consistent set of traits. These traits are believed to support the delivery of successful feedback conversations. The traits are described below.
Courage: Is stepping up to address difficult issues, saying what needs to be said[3]
Humility: Fosters trust and openness of the free-flowing dialogue. When Leaders are humble there is an ‘inclination for inquiry over advocacy and self-awareness to be genuinely curious about how others see the world’[4].
Credibility: The concept of being credible to deliver feedback was strongly reported by the respondents in Korn Ferry’s research[5]. One of the respondents commented that ‘you need to get people involved in the feedback process who have wisdom, experience, and respectability, and know the workforce.’
Empathy: Enables Leaders to give feedback whilst sensing ‘the feelings of other people by imagining themselves’, in the other’s lives or situation[6]. By sensing the feelings of others at that moment, empathy assists the Leader to deliver the message in a way that is unique to the person and the moment ensuring the message lands more positively.
Honesty: As Benjamin Franklin wisely said, ‘honesty is the best policy’ and this is true for feedback. As difficult as it may be for a Leader, providing honest feedback is honoring the person.
In summary, these 5 traits increase a Leaders self-awareness and inform what the Leader does and says in the conversation. With this platform to work from Leaders can provide feedback with a respectful and reflective lens.
Coaching Leaders: The Role of Coaching in Supporting a Leader in Having Difficult Conversations/Providing Feedback
What Is the Aim of Coaching?
Marion Faulkner wrote in her book, Laser Focussed Coaching, the aim of coaching is to ‘shine a light on something our client cannot see for themselves [7]. And in shining a light Coaches create the space for the client to become more self-aware, uncover limiting perspectives and create new ways to achieve their goals.
In the context of having difficult conversations, Coaches can invite the client to explore why they may avoid difficult conversations and why they struggle to provide feedback.
Whilst there are many ways a Coach can partner with a Leader to increase their effectiveness in having positive conversations, this paper will reflect on 3 areas: Emotional Intelligence, Appreciative Inquiry, and getting to the ‘why’.
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to effectively use a wide range of ‘skills and competencies that drive leadership performance’.[8]
Emotional Intelligence was popularised by Daniel Goleman who divides emotional intelligence into 4 main constructs:[9]
Many Leaders are promoted into leadership roles for their technical capabilities, and it isn’t until they start managing people that they realize, leading people can be challenging. They realize that up to this point, they have progressed by being technically proficient and they have not had to rely on or develop skills in emotional intelligence. They are not practiced at providing feedback and may therefore have an undeveloped emotional intelligence capability. An article from TIME100 asserts that ‘feedback offered by people with high emotional intelligence is a gift. But otherwise, it can be a nightmare.[10]
The reason people shy away from these conversations is because it is uncomfortable. Leaders who have difficult conversations describe their heart rate increasing, sweating, concerns about the employee being defensive, argumentative, and blaming, and Leaders describe being emotionally exposed. They describe being concerned about not being liked and worry about what others might say about them and some say they may not be able to regulate their own emotions and responses.
Why Is Coaching Leaders to Improve Emotional Intelligence Important?
With so much of the conversation being about a human interaction rather than a process. Leaders need to use emotional intelligence when having a difficult conversation. Coaching Leaders to get comfortable in the uncomfortable will give leaders confidence in having these types of conversations and the ability to act powerfully and the freedom to do so.
By being coached, the Leader can build capability and develop their emotional intelligence skills which may include empathy, one of the traits that support Leaders to provide effective feedback. If a Leader can develop an increased level of emotional intelligence, they are more likely to have successful conversations, create human connections, and inspire the people who work for them as opposed to use of manipulative techniques.
What’s My Role as a Coach in Supporting a Leader Develop Emotional Intelligence?
The role of a Coach is to be present, evoke awareness, use questioning and reflective observations, and create a process of inquiry. These techniques invite the Leader to notice their thoughts, beliefs, fears, and emotions. And from there, solutions emerge when thoughts and feelings are re-arranged, expanded[11] , and reframed.
Reflection during the coaching session (i.e.summarising and paraphrasing) is a powerful way to create emotional insights for the leaders they can deeply consider their feelings, the feelings of others, and how to manage and regulate their own emotions.
The Coaches’ role is to partner with the Leader to help them gain confidence and the belief that they can turn a difficult conversation into a positive human interaction whilst achieving the desired outcome.
Furthermore, understanding Daniel Goleman’s model and the 4 constructs may be helpful for the Coach in inviting the Leader to explore the aspects of emotional intelligence.
Appreciative Inquery (AI)
Like coaching, AI is a strengths-based approach focused on bringing about change and growth to an individual or an organization.‘Through its deliberately positive assumptions about people, organizations, and relationships, AI leaves behind deficit-oriented approaches to management [12] and leadership.
The Principles behind AI[13] are described below.
How Can the Coach Use AI to Bring About Change?
The AI principles provide guidance for the Coach in using this philosophy. In a coaching session, the Coach may:
- Create awareness and insights by noticing their thoughts and beliefs. It may be helpful for the Coach to explore with the leader, the notion that what we believe to be true is what we achieve to do.
- Create awareness and notice the ‘seed’ for change through questioning and inquiry to open the client’s mind to what is possible.
- Create awareness around the stories the client is communicating.
- Create awareness around the notion that what we do today is guided by our vision of the future.
- Create awareness that positive change requires human interaction and community.
In the context of difficult conversations, the Coach may invite the Leader to explore what worked well in previous conversations. The Coach may inquire and invite the Leader to extend their thinking around what made the previous conversation a positive/strengths-based experience.
The Coach may also lean into any emotions, hold space in the discomfort and show compassion towards the Leader, acknowledging their courage and effort in working towards positive change. The Coach may extend an invitation to explore the Leader ‘why’ and if needed, keep returning to the Leader’s why’.
WHY
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why: Mark Twain
What Is Your Purpose?
Simon Sinek in his book, Start with Why[14], asserts that ‘great Leaders are able to inspire people to act. Those who are able to inspire give people a sense of purpose or belonging.’ By asking ‘Why’ Simon Sinek is asking, ‘What is your purpose, cause, or belief’? He maintains that knowing the ‘why’ is the only way to sustain lasting success. He puts forward the notion that when a ‘why’ isn’t clear a Leader will be less able to inspire the people they manage. What results from this is the Leader will opt for manipulation strategies over inspirational strategies to motivate behavior.
What Is Important About Knowing the Leaders WHY?
Before a Leader commences a feedback/difficult conversation understanding the purpose of the conversation is crucial – knowing the ‘why’. If a Leader enters into a difficult conversation without a clear purpose, the message delivered by the leader is more likely to be ‘fuzzy’. The Leader will have delivered the feedback however, the opportunity to inspire may have been lost. People are very good at seeing through a message that lacks a purpose.
Furthermore, knowing the ‘why’ often makes the desired outcome of the conversation clearer. It is important that when Coaches partner with leaders that they invite exploration of what the desired outcome is and notice if there is alignment with the ‘why’. If a Leader enters a conversation without clearly defining the outcome, based on the ‘why’, the conversation is at risk of becoming a negative experience for both the Leader and the employee.
What’s My Role as a Coach in Supporting a Leader to Identify Theirs Why?
Regardless of the context, understanding the ‘why’ is often what’s at the heart of any issue. A Coach can create awareness and facilitate change by exploring the Leader ‘why’. Sometimes for Coaches, it isn’t easy to determine a Leader ‘why’ and it could be as subtle as a shift in their energy or expression.
Furthermore, a coach’s role in helping a Leader identify their why is through a process of inquiry and a questioning-based approach where space and silence are held for the client to sit with their thoughts. And finally, the coach’s role is to provide the client with unconditional positive regard knowing that they are fully equipped to realize the answers for themselves.
When you hand good people possibility, they do great things: Biz Stone.
SAFETY
Safety is a critical component in enabling a Leader to have a difficult conversation and provide feedback. From an organizational context if the right conditions are not in place, Leaders will not feel safe to hold feedback conversations and they are therefore unlikely to happen. Timothy R Clark defines psychological safety as a condition in which one feels (a) included, (b) safe to learn, (c) safe to contribute, and (d) safe to challenge the status quo, without fear of being embarrassed, marginalized or punished in some way.’[15] Organizations need to support Leaders in their development when having difficult conversations and create a safe environment for the Leaders to feel supported in having difficult conversations and accept that they won’t always go to plan.
Creating a safe environment for the Client (Leader) forms part of the ICF Core Competencies and the Coaches role in creating safety is described as:
- Maintaining a relationship of mutual respect.
- Partnering with the client to create a safe, supportive environment that allows the client to share freely.
In a coaching partnership, a safe environment can not be underestimated.
Coaching Leaders Thinking and Beliefs
It’s a fact of life that Leaders will need to have difficult conversations and provide feedback to the people they manage.
For a variety of reasons, Leaders avoid difficult conversations and coaching is a way Leaders can grow and develop the capability to have tough conversations.
Coaching invites the Leader to explore their thinking and beliefs and provides the opportunity to reframe perspectives.
Coaching evokes awareness of what might be holding the leader back whilst staying present and looking to the future from a positive/strengths-based approach.
Leaders who can develop the capacity to have difficult conversations will have meaningful human connections and create opportunities to powerfully inspire the people they lead.
References
- Harvard Business Review. 2016. Two-Thirds of Managers Are Uncomfortable Communicating with Employees. [ONLINE] [Accessed 12 June 2022].
- Ferry, K., 2017. FYI For Your Improvement. 1st ed. London: Korn Ferry.
- Eisler, R. (2015). A Conversation with Peter Senge: Transforming Organizational Cultures. Interdisciplinary Journal of Partnership Studies, 2(1).
- Korn Ferry. 2021. Performance Management. [ONLINE] [Accessed 12 June 2022].
- Ferry, K., 2008. Strengths-based Leadership. 1st ed. New York: Gallup Press.
- Ferry, K., 2019. Laser-Focused Coaching. 1st ed. Delaware: Thomas Noble Books.
- ICA Course Notes – 2022. Frameworks and Theories
- TWS Training Group. 2022. TWS Training Blog. [ONLINE] [Accessed 12 June 2022].
- 2022. Why Emotional Intelligence Is Needed More Than Ever at Work. [ONLINE] [Accessed 12 June 2022].
- Langdon, M., 2020. Coach The Person Not the Problem. 1st ed. USA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers Inc..
- Cooperrider, D., Whitney, D. and Stavros, J., 2020. Appreciative Inquiry Handbook. 2nd ed. USA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers Inc..
- AI Commons. 2022. 5 Classic Principles of AI. [ONLINE] [Accessed 12 June 2022].
- Sinek, S., 2011. Start With Why. 1st ed. Great Britain: Penguin Random House UK.
- Clark, T., 2020. The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety: Defining the Path to Inclusion and Innovation. 1st ed. Great Britain: Penguin Random House UK.