Receiving, on the other hand, can be more complex. It isn’t on the imbedded educational agenda and can be tricky as it is the more vulnerable side of the equation. It requires a certain level of trust, that the gift was given without strings attached and that the giver doesn’t have expectation. Recipients can wonder: Is there balance in the giving? Is there a motive? Does it fill a need for you? Is it something that would make the other person happy? It can create a sense of imbalance.
Many times when receiving a compliment we resist taking it in thinking, Do I deserve it? Do I measure up? How will I reciprocate? Do we argue, discount, diminish ourselves or do we receive with gratitude? Acts of kindness, appreciation raises the seratonin level in the giver. In resisting we can miss the gift and make it awkward for the giver. Resistance = letting it in – can be uncomfortable. The job of the recipient is to say, “thank you”.
Receiving graciously is important as it honors both the giver and the receient If it is not something that comes naturally it can be cultivated with practice. Before the talking begins have a few meditative moments and ask people to identify their intention for this time together.
Group Conversation. Focus the coaching on these questions/topics:
- Have a discussion about the experience and motivations of giving and receiving. What do we receive by giving to others?
- Talk about what it feels like to give and what it feels like to receive. What are the motivations of your giving. Are you giving to get? Or going so the person stays, isn’t mad? Or are you giving from love thoughtfulness and a desire to do something kind for someone else?
- Can you think of a time when you them something without anticipating getting anything back. How does it feel when someone pays you a compliment? (If the group is silent suggest some options: Happy? Affirmed? Proud Undeserving?) What does receiving graciously mean to you? Discuss how it can be practiced.
Exercises:
1. Ask the participants to give someone in the group a compliment. A second complimentmay be given only after everyone in the group has received one.
2. Discuss the personal power statements. How are they evolving? How they can be updated.
3. Recap the themes and highlights of the session.
Awareness Practice: Ideas to incorporate the practices discussed in this and previous Sessions:
- Practice giving without expectation.
- Practice receiving graciously. Give something to someone without them knowing that you did it. What is that experience like?
- Work on your personal power statement. Look at the beautiful and powerful parts of yourself and change it in any way that works for you
Session Five: Creating Vission – Personal Empowerment.
We find what we’re looking for – How to know if when you see it
Before the session begins have a brief discussion about the highlights of the previous sessions on Self Awareness, Personal Accountability, Cultivating Awareness of Others, and Giving and Receiving then use that as a segue to this session on How to Find What We’re Looking For. Do you know what are you looking for?
In order to find what we want in life it is necessary to identify what it is. Some people happily jump from one lilly pad to the next without ever seeing the depths of the pond. Others know where they want to go and they set their course to get there while some let the invitations and opportunities determine what kind of life they live.
Not long after having moved several years ago I had some coat hangers to recycle. I moved about a mile away from my former home and I wasn’t sure where a dry cleaner was that was close to the new place so I decided to look for one on my way to the old dry cleaner. I drove down a street that I had driven down hundreds of times and I immediately saw a dry cleaners. I couldn’t stop and go back because of the traffic so I continued down the street. I counted 10 dry cleaning shops that I had driven past over the years, but had never noticed. I had been to restaurants and shops next door to them but I only saw them when I looked for them.
All aspects of life are like this. If we know what we’re looking for we recognize it when we see it. And if we don’t articulate what we want in our lives we can drive past it for years without recognizing that we’re looking at – or past – the answer to the questions.
When we work as individuals the perspective can be on what I can do to make sure I take care of myself. When we decide to work together with our colleagues, community or group members, we look for different things than what we want when we are solely looking out for our own agenda; we look for what will work for the good of the whole.
Before the talking begins have a few meditative moments and ask people to identify their intention for this time together.
Group Conversation. Focus the coaching on these questions/topics:
- Have a conversation about each participants’ vision for the group. What do they want?What is missing?
- Identify the collective goals for the group.
- Ask each person to name at least three things that they can do individually to move towards the common goal.
- Do a visualization of successful collaboration resulting is a successful desired outcome.
Exercises:
- Collaborate on a plan to achieve the collective goals of the group. Break it down into small steps and remind them that small changes add up to big results. The participants will complete this module with a plan.
- Discuss the personal power statements. How are they evolving? How they can beupdated.
- Recap the themes and highlights of the session.
Awareness Practice: Ideas to incorporate the practices discussed in this and previous Sessions:
1. After working on a plan for the group, it is time to look at your dreams for your life.
The first step in achieving them is to identify the vision. What do you want your life to look like in 6 months? In 5 years? Address each of these aspects of life:
2. Work on your personal power statement. Look at the beautiful and powerful parts of yourself and change it in any way that works for you
Session Six: Wrap- Up – Connecting the dots.
Moving forward with the things we learned
*The coach will bring something festive (food, sweets, balloons) to commemorate the final meeting and well as an acknowledgement for having completed the workshop. At the beginning of each session there is a note to discuss and connect the themes and discussions of earlier sessions. This session will recap the building blocks and connect everything that has been covered.
With input from the coach, the participants summarize the theme discussed and the insights that came to light during the sessions:
What made the biggest impact? What will stay with them and what changes they will make in the future?
Exercises:
- Review the plan for the group and create a time line with delivery dates for each step.
- The participants can acknowledge the other members in the group for what they gaveto the group.
- Ask everyone in the group to share their personal power statements and how they evolved. Everyone can participate in acknowledging the growth they observed in the others.
Resources
Gyatso, Tenzin, His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, Goleman, Daniel, Destructive Emotions: How can we Overcome Them. A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama, Narrated by Daniel Goleman, (New York:Bantam Dell, 2003), 229.
Tolstoy, Leo, Anna Karenina, trans. Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky, (New York: Viking Penguin Group, 2001), 1.
Rosenberg, Marshall B, Nonviolent Communication, (Encinitas, CA, PuddleDancer Press), 52.
Shafir, Rebecca, M.A. CCC, The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in the Age of Distraction, (Wheaton, IL, The Theosophical Publishing House, 2003), 226
Parker-Pope, Tara, “A Gift That Gives Right Back? The Giving Itself ” New York Times, 11 December 2007. <http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/11/health/11well.html>