Author Eugene Peterson reminds us how radical patience allows room to grow closer to others: “when we are noisy and when we are hurried, we are incapable of intimacy-deep, complex, personal relationships. So not only does a patient spirit still the noise of the world so we can enjoy deeper peace, it also helps to still the noise in others’ lives so we can enjoy one another more fully.” (Peterson, 2013) Just as sown seed cannot be continually tilled and then expected to blossom, people cannot fully bloom when they are plowed under constant activity. Our minds and bodies are designed to require seasons of planting, watering, periods of lightlessness, nutrients, weeding, and daylight so our spirit soars/excels. A diet of only one or two of these components will yield less than what our internal soil has been created to be. In all growth, a level of temperance is necessary during the transformation process, waiting until each stage of metamorphosis is completed.
In coaching, we get to be a living example of this quiet patience, allowing plenty of space to acknowledge and appreciate the person who is beyond the surface, the “see” level. We provide the foundation for what many people may label as authentic friendship traits: encourager, non-judgmental, confidential, genuine curiosity, a third party to share dialogue without the risk of that conversation showing up in their social or professional circles. We establish clear agreements, keep promises, maintain trust, actively listen based on the client’s needs, not the coach’s agenda. When the client sets a goal and launches a plan, we are there to manage their progress and encourage accountability.
Bayless Conley, in his motivational blog, Answers for Each Day, writes, “Commune with your own heart. That means hold some serious communication with your heart. Get acquainted with your heart. Don’t let you and your heart become strangers.” In the process of communing, some thoughts or emotions may come to surface that are unfamiliar. A person may wonder if their experience is normal, or if they are a minority in what they are feeling. Pieces of a person can evolve from external forces of survival and cultural adaptation, so that fear of disapproval or unacceptable responses can sometimes outweigh our natural capacity of logic. Coaching invites a rebirth, discovery, enlightenment, and a transparent invitation to uncover the authentic self.
Many people operate from a mode of daily survival, taking less time to think and then respond to their core values. There could very well be motion in their lives, but possibly movement in the direction of someone else’s agenda. Some people may be settling for a mediocre existence. A coach invites a person to uncover their core values and personal design. We encourage them to activate their life purpose, first through reflection and then onto a personal action plan.
A coach gives insight and discovery to new possibilities, similar to unleashing a tether from a hot air balloon. The client may rise in their growth process, reach a certain elevation, and then hover. Through perception shifts, visualization, action steps, and creativity, the coach offers an updraft of momentum to help the client soar to a different level of discovery. As the Japanese haiku says, “My barn having burned to the ground, I can now see the moon.” With one perspective, a person has a basic menu of options. When a trained coach gets involved in a client’s internal dialogue, a buffet of opportunities can be explored by using the sometimes overlooked treasure of two-way communication.
Introspection calls a person forward to stretch, learn, and grow. When an individual uses the gift of time to visit their spiritual connections, life refuses to become stagnant. When under pressure to meet life’s deadlines and demands, people cease to take time for reflection. Fatigue begins to drain the energy necessary to act upon living out specific dreams. Dr. Albert Bandura of Stanford University notes, “I believe we are not content with what we already know and can do; we want action and growth-opportunities to explore our competence and mastery. Young or old, we want to be challenged.” (Bandura, 1995) In the coaching world, we also believe that people have the capacity to achieve, which in turn can influence the pursuit to mentally stimulating activities and growth.