Helping clients identify and acknowledge their beliefs
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always. Byron Katie
Coaches can help clients to become aware of their limiting beliefs through active listening, powerful questioning and observation. By listening on purpose, without judgement, by asking powerful questions and acutely observing, we can help clients to identify and to acknowledge their beliefs. The more the clients are aware and open to acknowledge their beliefs, the more easy it is for them to change them.
I have found particularly useful the following questions that Lion Goodman uses in the identification of the beliefs part of the BeliefCloset Process.
Questions to help clients to identify beliefs:
Questions to help clients to understand and to acknowledge their beliefs:
These questions invite the clients to look inside themselves and to question their beliefs in a mindful and non-judgemental way. Once the clients become aware of the self-limiting beliefs, they can consciously decide to eliminate them and to adopt new empowering beliefs. This alone can result in a powerful shift in the client.
This process can be taken even further by the use of the questioning and turnaround by Byron Katie from her “Inquiry” process.
“The Work” or “Inquiery” by Byron Katie
Byron Katie is the author of “Loving What Is”. In 1986, after ten years of spiralling downward into, deep depression, despair and paranoia, she had a spontaneous remission in a powerful moment of awakening. In that moment, “the Work”, or “Inquiry”, as she calls it, was born.
Byron Katie International states that “The Work” is, “a way to understand what’s hurting you, and to address the cause of your problems with clarity.” “The Work” consists of four simple questions and a turnaround. It is a process by which painful concepts, such as, “my dad doesn’t care about me” are investigated in the lights of the four questions and then turned around to closely-related or opposite concepts. Here is an example I have taken from the research paper “ The Work” of Byron Katie: A new Psychotherapy” by Ricardo Hidalgo, LMHC Mental Health Practitioner & Anil Goumar, MBBS, MA, Director, Mental Health Clinic, Hall Health Center, University of Washington.
It goes like this:
My dad doesn’t care about me. 1. Is it true?
Yes. If he cared about me he’d call me or send me emails and letters to ask about me but I never hear from him
My dad doesn’t care about me. 2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
No. I can’t absolutely know that he doesn’t care about me even if he doesn’t call or contact me.
My dad doesn’t care about me. 3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
When I think that thought, I feel sad, lonely, and depressed. The feeling hits me in the chest and travels to my shoulders. I feel worthless and I don’t want to be around people. I don’t answer the phone. I resent my dad but I never tell him so. Instead, I withdraw from him. I then hate myself for thinking, feeling and acting this way
My dad doesn’t care about me. 4. Who would you be without the belief?
Without this thought I would not take my dad’s failure to contact me personally, and if I thought of him, I might contact him to tell him I was thinking of him instead of resenting him for not contacting me. I’d be a lot better off
These questions are an invitation to go within and take a look at what we truly believe and how we react/live with and without the painful thought.
The turnarounds are a way of taking the original concept in its exact words and turning it around to related and opposite concepts, by substituting the self for the other, to see if it feels true or truer when the concept is applied to oneself. Thus, “My dad doesn’t care about me” turns around to:
The purpose of the investigation is to reflect on the new concepts and to assess if they feel true or truer than the original concept.
According to the authors of the research paper Hidalgo and Goumar,
The Work allows people not only to question their painful beliefs, but also to gain insight into their unconscious projections without being blocked by the shame against which they usually need to defend. The turnaround is the process by which the unconscious becomes conscious, often in a flash of emotional insight. When we find that what we thought was true is not, and the opposite of what we thought is true or truer, our feelings and actions change as a result of the new perception.
It appears that “The Work” can be applied in coaching effectively because it focuses on “here and now” problems and difficulties. It invites the clients to reflect and introspect.
The turnaround also replaces the advice or suggestions route that coaches are reluctant to take.
Supporting clients in taking actions and creating experiences that lead to elimination of self-limiting beliefs
Sometimes, in order to remove a limiting belief it is not enough to identify and to acknowledge it. For instance, the client who believed that mistakes and failure were bad might realise that mistakes and failures are not bad, but subconsciously may still avoid situations when they have to venture in new territories and take risks. This is where coach can add value by helping clients in taking actions and creating experiences that they could not have taken/created on their own due to their self-limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviour. These actions are those that are aligned with clients’ vision, values, strengths, passion and purpose.
For instance, a client who has a self-limiting belief that they are not good at marketing might be able to work with a coach on implementing a marketing plan step-by-step. As he/she takes actions and proceeds in the process of marketing, the client may feel more and more confident and end up eliminating their self-limiting belief
I am not good at marketing.
The empowering actions and experiences create new patterns of thoughts, feelings and sensations, which help the reprogramming and create new empowering beliefs.
Coach helps clients take empowering actions and create positive experiences through the following processes:
Identifying choices for action
Coach assists the client in the process of designing actions by engaging clients to explore alternative solutions and strategies and to make related choices. Coach may challenge clients’ assumptions and perspectives to provoke new ideas and find new possibilities for action. Sometimes coach can assist the clients to generate more ideas, possibilities and options by brainstorming with clients. However, it is always clients who choose which action to take.
Planning and goal setting
Coach helps clients with establishing a coaching plan and goals that address concerns and major areas for learning and development. Helping the clients with the basics of goal setting can make a big difference in their success. Splitting the goal into manageable pieces is the first breakthrough for some clients. The best goals are specific and measurable, allowing clients to track and monitor results. Such actions are action orientated even if the action behind is qualitative.
Checking commitment
Checking the clients’ commitment level to take action is important. Sometimes the choice can be modified in order to increase the client’s commitment.
Progress and accountability
Accountability is the cornerstone of coaching. It’s about coach asking clients for the account of the actions and learning – what client did/did not do? What were the results? What worked? What didn’t work? What did they learn and what they would they do differently next time? Accountability helps keep clients on track as they plan and commit to action and as they learn from the action they take, or in some cases, don’t take.
Other methodologies
In addition to the above, coaches can get training in other methodologies for changing selflimiting beliefs, such as the BeliefCloset process. The BeliefCloset process is conducted as a guided imagery (or guided imagination) session. It takes place in the Imaginal Realm-the same realm of mind in which the subconscious mind produces images for one’s dreams at night. Inside the BeliefCloset, every belief is represented by a unique outfit of clothing. Clothes are a great metaphor because just like beliefs they create particular experiences. Dressy outfits make us feel good about ourselves. Casual clothes make us comfortable. In Goodman’s words,
You can try on an old belief like you try on an old dress or pair of pants. See how it feels, and decide whether it still fits with who you are. When you discard old beliefs that no longer serve you, you can choose new ones that feel good and are right for you http://beliefcloset.com/
Conclusion
Beliefs matter, beliefs can be changed, and when they are, so too is personality. Carol S.Dweck
I want to end my thought leadership paper on a personal note. In the past year, with the support of my coaches and the BeliefCloset process, I was able to change some very deeply ingrained self-limiting beliefs. As a result, I experienced a major internal shift from powerless to empowered state and it had a significant impact on my relationships and my self-esteem. As I witnessed my true self emerging from underneath the pile of old and painful limiting beliefs, I have felt a sense of deep relief and gratitude for being able to start anew.
Changing self-limiting beliefs can be life-changing. I feel privileged to join the coaching profession that can support people in exercising their choice of taking full responsibility for creating the life they want.
Lastly as a food for thought and reflection, I will leave you with the quote by Victor E. Frankl
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
Transforming lives one belief at a time. How to change self-limiting beliefs through coaching?
Resources
1. Can Personality Be Changed?
The Role of Beliefs in Personality and Change
Carol S. Dweck
Stanford University
2. TRANSFOR YOUR BELIEFS. Unleash Your Magnificence & Change Your World with the
BeliefCloset Process
Lion Goodman
http://beliefcloset.com/
3. Katie, Byron; Loving What is; Harmony Books, 2002.
4. “The Work” of Byron Katie: A New Psychotherapy?
Ricardo Hidalgo, LMHC
Mental Health Practitioner
& Anil Coumar, MBBS, MA
Director, Mental Health Clinic
Hall Health Center
University of Washington
Box 354410
Seattle, WA 98195
http://www.padoin.com/thework/anil.pdf
http://www.nlpu.com/NewDesign/NLPU_WhatIsNLP.html