A Coaching Power Tool Created by Wendy Yaniv
(Transitional Coach, ISRAEL)
Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.― Eckhart Tolle
These words resonated with me, specifically concerning the work involving Transitional Life Coaching. The very focus of transitional coaching is knowing, accepting, and understanding that one is in transition, change is likely, and we may not know where the transition will take us.
What does the EGO vs INTELLECT play in the space?
EGO
Our ego is there to “appear” to be the biggest cheerleader in our head. Our ego wants us to win, to be right, to be on top. There is little to no regard for learning, understanding, growing, or getting outside of our comfort zone. It wants us to avoid being mature at all costs. I dare say that our ego is much like the child in us … with no regard for anyone else but their immediate needs. The biggest challenge is that we don’t “outgrow” our ego works very hard to keep us immature and thinking emotionally vs intellectually. As Eckhart Tolle says,
the only way out of our ego is into the present and our ego will do everything possible to not let you see the door to the present.
As we examine the ego’s role in Transitional coaching, the client will first need to understand the role the ego plays in their present mindset. What is their ego wanting them to avoid? What is the ego trying to convince them of? What options does the ego NOT want us to see? How do we work with the ego in getting to the next stage of the Transition that the client is working towards?
Sometimes it is simply an acknowledgment of not knowing, not having the answers, and being ok with trusting that this very place is the point of self-discovery and enlightenment. Understanding that one reaches that “stand-off” with the ego with kindness and curiosity. Accepting the idea that one needs not to be attached to a specific solution or outcome but rather being open to what is simply best … for all involved. Once the childishness of the ego is removed, the real work begins, and the true self-discovery and excitement begin.
INTELLECT
The only outcome I am attached to is the best possible outcome, and I may not know what that is yet. Shaun Rawls
If you want to improve, you must be content to be thought foolish and stupid. Epictetus
Challenging the intellect and being aware and focused on staying in this place of curiosity is the engine of power for change. Keeping aware that the ego will try to pull you back and remaining in a place of NOT knowing what the “best” outcome may be is where the intellect offers one the power of positive change. Self-discovery, “failing forward” into the Transition that sits in front of you and embracing the questions about yourself, challenging your beliefs, and looking beyond the knee-jerk reactions.
Each time the ego may try to take over the intellect, remain in self-discovery mode, question if there may be another outcome that you are not yet aware of, and acknowledge that you are looking and embracing an outcome that is yet unknown and, most likely, new and different.
How to use the power tool of EGO VS INTELLECT?
Questions to ask a client that has been “ruled” by the EGO:
- What would happen if you remained in this space of uncertainty to explore the unknown
- What would it take for you to stay open to all possibilities or outcomes, even because you may not know the outcome yet?
- What kind of opportunities may present themselves to you if you consider that you may not know the outcome quite yet?
- What if you considered that the only outcome to be attached to is the best possible outcome … one that may still be unknown?
Conclusion
If we allow our egos to rule our decisions and our transitions then we are moving through life with a very shielded, guarded view. A view that “seems” to serve our immediate needs but really offers us to remain where we are, feeling “safe” in the known. However, we can choose to take on the challenge of engaging our intellect, in self-exploration, and in viewing our options outside ourselves. Choosing self-discovery allows for life’s transitions to unfold a reality that we were previously unaware of. The person embracing the intellect vs the ego may show up as less stressed, more engaged, and more open to limitless possibilities. The discomfort of exiting the “known” ego is the exact space where intellect and growth reside.
Intellect is the grown-up that ego doesn’t want you to get to. Bust through the ego-closed door to limitless potential.