Descriptor understanding: Cross-state
At the second stage the following exercise would bring to surface the possibilities of failures caused by even a seemingly ‘positive’ or a ‘good’ characteristic for the individual.
1. Identify one situation in your life where you have witnessed one or more of your ‘good’ qualities that has created hindrances to your success or performance
2. Visualize yourself in the event and identify what were the qualities that you displayed. As you identify these qualities also bring out the resultant effects in the environment because of you displaying that quality. What were these effects?
3. In this identified event after having displayed the good quality or qualities how were you being perceived by others around you?
4. What were your own perceptions about yourself after the event?
5. How do you rationalize your behavior or your display of the quality in the identified event?
Descriptor understanding: Alternatives state
In this stage the client is provided with opportunities to identify alternative qualities that could have impacted the end results in a more positive way.
1. What do you think are the other qualities about yourself that you could have displayed in that situation to help create a better impact on the outcome?
2. What aspects or characteristics about YOU do you think stopped you from displaying these other qualities?
What is being non judgmental all about?
An individual’s pre-defined image of himself (with xyz ‘good’ qualities and abc ‘bad’ qualities) often is a subconscious filter that he or she uses to create certainty to a situation. This need to use this filter for certainty also creates a block in tapping into the larger potential that resides within every one of us. The filter applied subconsciously from within tends to limit an individual’s potential within a predetermined boundary- that way he has defined the boundaries. The boundaries created around him stop him from exploring and leveraging on other qualities within. There are always immense opportunities presented to us in life to display any quality or trait that we want to display. However the ‘filter’ within us springs up and with our own limited awareness we end up seeing ourselves display another trait that we did not intend to display. These qualities that are not part of our ‘filters’ can only surface if there is a sense of non judgementalism about oneself- an absence of a pre-determined definition of who we are.
Benefits of being non-judgmental
Being non judgmental about one’s qualities also helps in shifting the rigid focus from the means to the end. The means is the set of attributes that we subconsciously believe will help in success. However the end is the actual outcome of the event.
Being non judgmental about oneself is the ability to shift the focus from evaluating oneself to evaluating the outcomes. When judgment or evaluation is addressed to the outcome and not to the means then the individual begins to view himself as a flexible one with the ability to tune into what the situation demands for. The ‘means’ or the ‘process’ as we know, ideally should be suited to what the end outcome needs to be. If we have defined the means or the process in a particular fashion then there is automatically a restriction that we are placing on how the end outcome can be impacted. The possibilities of success are also limited. The possibilities of success increase rapidly if we understand what the end outcome ought to be and we also tune the means which is our own selves in creating that outcome; this could also mean displaying a quality that is not defined within our filter. This ability to ‘flow’ into a situation occurs when there is lesser rigidity or the predetermined definitions of oneself .To let go is to really let go of one’s evaluations and judgments about the good or bad qualities and look at oneself as an immense creative force that can manifest in the way it ought to given the needs of the situation. This acceptance of newer qualities within us will also emanate only if aligned with our core values. Presence of or absence of self descriptors is also a function of what values we strongly hold.