Finding Meaning in Discouragement
Discouragement isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, a person may be able to work through the discouragement on their own if they can look within and find meaning in it. Rather than dwell on outside circumstances and how the setback caused negativity, the individual has the capacity to go within—to ask deep questions, to be self–generative and to draw on resources in order to evolve.
His Holiness the Dali Lama states, “Hard times build determination and inner strength.” Some of the world’s greatest leaders had tremendous emotional struggles but were able to find meaning in those challenges, thereby overcoming discouragement and finding their life’s true purpose.
Nelson Mandela went through very tough times. He was interviewed by a gentleman who asked him, “How did you survive all of those years in prison?” He said, “I did not survive. I prepared, because I knew if I ever got out, I would be in a position to lead the people, and so I was working on myself all the time that I was in prison, preparing myself to lead.”
Victor Frankel was a Holocaust survivor who lost his entire family, except his sister. His manuscripts were destroyed and he succumbed to typhoid fever. He kept himself awake by rewriting his manuscripts. Frankl developed the psychotherapy called logotherapy, which is based upon the meaning attached to suffering. Frankl wrote one of the most influential and inspiring books of all times, Man’s Search for Meaning, and in it he wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” The truth is that no one can take away your state of empowerment unless you allow them to take it.
Leaders such as Nelson Mandela and Victor Frankl looked within themselves to find meaning in their discouragement and suffering. They took 100 % personal responsibility and gained a better understanding of their true purpose, their own truth, knowing who they were—
self-knowledge; they evolved as more integrated, empowered, and spiritual beings. They became luminaries to the world.
Feeling Stuck in Discouragement
There may be times when it is difficult or nearly impossible to work through discouragement and find meaning right away. This is when discouragement can become a major obstacle to empowerment. A person who stays discouraged too long can lose confidence and hope, and thus become dispirited. Negative thought cycles can form and spiral out of control, sinking the individual into deeper discouragement. The victim role has the opportunity to emerge at this point.
From here, discouragement can cloud judgment and become fertile ground for seeds of doubt, depression, blame, and spiritual drift. This is definitely a time to reach out for support to work through feelings and barriers. It is important to remember to be compassionate and non-judgmental with yourself. With patience and commitment, you can rewrite your story from one of victim to victor, from discouragement to empowerment and deeper purpose.
Self-Application
So, how do you empower yourself? What does it look like in action? What obstacles get in the way? Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Developing empowerment is walking on a path to greater awareness, self- knowledge, and self-understanding. It is a lifelong practice requiring commitment, personal responsibility, and a strong support system.
Often, we like to think circumstances and other people are bringing us down, which leaves us feeling powerless, when really it is our thoughts and internal belief system. There are different factors and techniques that one can practice to become empowered. However, underlying beliefs, judgments, and opinions can become the bars that keep us locked in prison and frozen in discouragement, keeping us from stepping fully into our personal power. When we decide to become aware, examine our beliefs and modify them, we break the bars open and become free from self- imposed limitations. This gives us a new opportunity to step into a higher consciousness, grow, and evolve. It takes courage, small steps and support to relinquish limiting beliefs and comfortable habits in order to soar to new heights. This work isn’t easy and requires your commitment and perseverance; however, it will be well worth the effort.
Though he should conquer a thousand men in the battlefield a thousand times, yet he, indeed, who would conquer himself, is the noblest victor.
Buddha
Choose to Empower Yourself Now. Examining and modifying underlying beliefs is one of the most important first steps to becoming empowered.
- Become self–aware. Think about a situation that triggers you to react and has become a pattern in your life you’d like to change.
- Determine, when you react, where do you feel it in your body? What does it feel like?
- Sit with this feeling. Observe the feeling in your body without judgment. Trace the history of this feeling.
- Come back to the present. What are the current circumstances triggering this feeling over and over? You took this on about yourself and it became a disempowering belief where you give your power away. Name it. “I am powerless.” “I am unlovable.” “I am not smart enough. “ “I have to be perfect.” “I must be in control.” “I don’t have a choice.” Listen to your self-talk and the words you say about yourself. Really listen to the words you use to describe yourself. Learn that what you think and say about yourself creates your reality.
- Realize that this pattern/reaction that keeps repeating itself and generates feelings that keep you in a state of disempowerment is an unhealthy reliving of the past. This is the pearl to ponder and figure out to set you free from your limitations. Ask yourself, “What is this belief costing me emotionally, physically, personally, professionally?” “Who would I be and how would I feel without this limiting belief?”
- Ask yourself, “What new positive belief can I put in place to support the ‘Truth’ of who I really am? This new belief can help you stand powerfully for who you can become in your most brilliant self. Write it down. Verbalize it. Hang it up everywhere—on your desk, bathroom mirror, car dashboard. Let this new truth anchor you in the deepest part of your being so you can consciously align your thoughts, actions, and feelings today to the person you desire to become.
- Put one to two simple behaviors in place that support and anchor this new belief so it can become a habit. When will you start practicing these new behaviors? What structures can you put in place to support these new behaviors? How will you measure and celebrate your progress? Who can support you?
Let’s look at a couple of examples to illustrate this point. A child is born into poverty who has emotionally absent parents. The parents are anxious about paying the bills and the child begins to work at a young age to help with groceries and utility bills. Their home is in a dangerous neighborhood filled with drugs and crime, which leaves the child feeling chronically unsafe. The child learns that people can’t be trusted and learns to fend for oneself at a young age. This child grows into an adult who is fiercely independent, aloof, guarded and on alert for danger. This becomes a lifelong pattern of conditioned behaviors and reactions. The adult believes this is the way life is; this is my lot in life, and it‘s every man for himself. Now as an adult, the individual experiences conflicts, refuses help, and experiences failed relationships. The internal belief system might be, “I am a victim.” “I don’t belong.” “I must be in control.”
Another example could be the complete opposite. A child grows up privileged, with parents who adore and cater to the child’s every whim. The child has everything handed to him/her—beautiful clothes, a car, vacations, and a good education. The parents make excuses for the child and sends the message to the child, “You can’t do anything wrong.” “We will defend you no matter what.” The child grows into an adult who is demanding, argumentative when he/she can’t get their own way, has little concern for others’ needs or feelings, and expects to be the center of attention in their personal and professional life. Thus, the adult develops an internal belief system, “I am entitled.” “I am superior.” “I am always right.” Whether beliefs create a sense of inferiority or superiority, this is not empowerment, self-respect, self-love or self- confidence.
Both examples demonstrate disempowerment and lack of personal power. When your beliefs change, your thoughts and emotions change. When your thoughts and emotions change to reflect your new positive beliefs, then your behaviors change. Then over time, your life will flow forth with more ease, joy and peace.