Even though the advantages of being proactive are obvious, there are a number of reasons why many people stick to being reactive:
The first reason is that security is one of the most important human needs (Marslow). Indeed, the fear of the unknown is one of the biggest fear human beings have. So dealing with a problem can be very difficult because we may not know the full consequences that the issue might lead to and we may doubt that we will be able to sort it out. By being proactive, people add another level of uncertainty because the problem has to be fixed and long-term changes may also be added to it and change one’s life forever. There may be no way back from those changes.
To be proactive, people must know where they want their lives to go. Indeed opportunities only exist for those who have objectives. Without goals, there are no opportunities. But having some concrete goals requires some self-awareness, which means spending time reflecting on who we are and what we want to do with our lives. Some people think they have no power on their lives so that they do not reflect on their personal objectives. Others feel they don’t have the time to engage in such a reflective process
Additionally, limiting beliefs can play an important role in stopping people from being proactive. For example, people can easily feel they are not good enough to achieve their purpose or feel they do not have the financial means to support their project. In general those limiting beliefs increase the fear of failure or the fear of success, so that people choose a safer option such as being reactive.
Also, to be proactive it is important to step back from the issues we are trying to deal with in order to see the ‘full picture’. Such a process often requires time and objectivity when assessing the situation, while many people often feel overwhelmed and stressed. To find a way forward, creative thinking skills and a change of perspective may also be required. Those skills must often be learnt and perfected through experience, so that everyone may not see how to be proactive in certain situations.
Being proactive requires a very deep understanding of who we are, what our limitations and strengths are and what we want to do with our life. To be proficient at managing change proactively, we must break down our barriers as well as build up our confidence and self-esteem. This is not always an easy route but it is the best way forward.
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Kyle Chandler
Reflection
Coaching application
As a coach, it is important to be able to identify whether our clients act in a reactive or proactive way. We can do that by observing the language they use when describing the situation they are in.
If they use words such as “problem, issue, difficult, can’t, must or should”, then they are being reactive. The use of modals is an indication that the client has some underlying beliefs and it needs to be explored by the coach by asking powerful questions.
A client who uses the word “must” does not take responsibility for his/her own actions and is rather guided by an inner voice that belongs to someone else. The coach can help the client to let go, to learn to focus on his/her own values and beliefs and to discover his/her own truth. Only then, the client can learn to take a proactive approach towards his/her life goals.
On the other hand, words like “challenge, exciting, want, will, opportunity, great” show a more proactive approach. Proactive people will look forward and see what is possible for them. They will use words that show confidence, power and a willingness to learn.
There are a variety of techniques that can be used to help our clients become more proactive in their lives:
- The triangle. This technique can be used to see a situation from different perspectives so that the client can step back and see the full picture. One angle of the triangle is the client’s perspective, the second angle is the point of view of the person with whom they have the issue, and the third angle comes from a higher perspective that is able to be more objective about the situation and can bring a new light to it. It is about the client taking different perspectives and helping him/her enlarge his/her initial perspective.
- Powerful questions. This is a very powerful tool for coaches as it can help their clients challenge their perceptions, identify and overcome limiting beliefs so that they can manage their fears more efficiently. The clients have the opportunity to reflect on the limits they have given themselves and realize that they have choices. They can become proactive and take responsibility for their own lives.
- Visualization. This technique can be very useful to deal with new or difficult situations. It would enable a client to imagine the situation in a more positive light and would decrease his/her fear of the unknown. He/she would form a mental image of a situation that can be handled, that is not so scary after all and he/she could also imagine the opportunities that can arise from it. He/she could think about how the situation could have a positive impact on his/her life.