What causes an imbalance between our top priorities and our actions?
Are they really your priorities? Is there an underlying belief that is stronger? Do we take the things we hold most dear for granted? Maybe fear stands in the way. Possibly its another roadblock that prohibits us from aligning ourselves with our stated beliefs. These are just a few of the possibilities.
Perhaps there are different levels of priority/value; a ranking so to speak. People label things as a primary, secondary or tertiary objective. These are not opposites. They differ in level of urgency and importance. It doesn’t mean that something isn’t important, just not as important as another value at that moment. It all boils down to choice. One must choose his or her top priorities.
Things that are a priority for one person may not be a priority for others. We’ve all been in a situation where we had to chose between two things. It’s that moment of choice that makes us unique. Two people with a common value may even chose two different paths to manifest the same goal.
We will never live up to our full potential until we can live our most authentic life, aligning our thoughts and actions with the values and beliefs we believe to be most sacred. What we believe and what we do must match to create that authentic life. We must make and keep a commitment. How does it look and sound when one is willing to commit to something? A person’s language can often give their true intentions away. Common language to look for:
Self Reflection
Make a list of values and beliefs that are important to you.
Now circle your top five values/beliefs.
- Can you rank those values 1-5?
- For each of your stated top values, how well do they show up on your schedule on a scale of 1-10? (How well do you execute those priorities?)
Would you say you have “balance” in that you are living according to your values? Or are there some inconsistencies?
Coaching Application
How do we help our clients move toward greater consistency between his or her stated beliefs and actual achievements? First the client must determine what is important, his or her values. Now think in terms of urgency, the time-sensitive nature of those items. Where does that come from? At work, the boss gives deadlines. If not met, one could face disciplinary action or even termination. The light bill that is due tomorrow is urgent. If not paid, the person’s lights will be cut off. These are examples of externally set time factors. Someone else is giving him or her a due date and making it urgent.
If a client sets his or her own deadlines, he/she can establish a sense of urgency for their own valued activities that are hard to schedule and accomplish. This takes a lot of self-discipline. Stephen R. Covey explains this concept very well in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In Habit 3: Put First Things First, Principles of Personal Management, he explains his time management matrix that shows we spend our time in one of four ways. He categorizes activities intwo ways. First, is it important or not important? Secondly, is it urgent or not urgent? The matrix looks like this:
Covey conveys that the most effective people spend most of their time in quadrant II on items that are important, but not urgent. These are items such as long-range planning, exercise and nutrition, building relationships, self care, preventative maintenance and preparation. When a person spends their time in quadrant II, he or she shrinks the number of items in quadrant II, Important/Urgent. Effective people spend little to no time on items that are not important, whether urgent or not.
With quadrant II in mind, a client can look internally to set his or her own due dates for activities he/ she knows to be important. His/her schedule can be in greater harmony with his/her values and beliefs about what is most important. A coach can serve as a powerful tool to aid with accountability while the client develop his/her own self-accountability muscle. When the moment of choice comes, we eventually want our clients to look to themselves to be responsible for completing those action items. To do that, a client must be able to 1) identify what is important and 2) give it a sense of urgency.
As a coach, one should help the client identify items that a he/she finds insignificant (unimportant) but still spends his or her time on. These could be escape activities like excessive television watching and recreation. Today’s society is very “connected” with the use of the internet and smart phones with 24/7 applications like texting and FaceBook. A small amount of the above activities can be rejuvenating but too much can be a time stealer. Interruptions like phone calls, junk mail, and email can also fall into the unimportant category. These can be huge time consumers and often take people away from things they feel are important.
It is also important to help a client realize his or her ranking of priorities. Sometimes, it is necessary to say “no” to things that are important that may be secondary or tertiary values to make room for more important, primary beliefs. Knowing one’s values gives a person the ability to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no, thank you” without guilt. He or she will know when the perfect opportunity arises because it will flow effortlessly into his or her value and belief system.
Our highest responsibility as a coach is to help our clients find their highest purpose and live it. That’s identifying their priorities and creating a life that matches them. It’s then that we as coaches and our clients live our most authentic lives. It also means realizing that everything else…is insignificant.
Reflection
What is one thing you could be doing each week that, if done regularly, would have the greatest impact on your life?
What are some of your greatest time-wasters?
What are some quadrant II action items you can plan for in the coming weeks?
Can you remember a time when you chose something insignificant over a priority? What happened in that moment of choice?
References
Stephen R. Covey, 1989. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Simon & Schuster, U.S.A Personal Evolution Co.