Coaching Example (empathy):
Sunil is a high potential SBU Head and is being groomed for the position of CEO for a smaller country. He came to one of our meetings looking rather upset and intense. From his body language it was clear something was churning within. After exchanging a few pleasantries, I said “You seem somewhat preoccupied. Is there something that needs your immediate attention?”
Sunil – “No, it’s just that I have been traveling extensively so I have been away from my desk for many days. So there are quite a few things on the plate as a result”
Me – “I see. Hey, Sunil, if you have a lot of stuff to do, will it help if we postpone our session to a more suitable day? That way, you can get an extra hour to attend to any urgent matters. It’s perfectly okay with me if we were to do so”.
Sunil – “Thanks Shreesh, but I don’t think that is necessary. Let’s continue with our session”.
Me – Silence.
Sunil – “Actually, I just met the Managing Director. He wanted me to work with him on analyzing what needs to be done by various SBUs to ensure our 2nd quarter performance is on plan. When I told him all the things that I already have on my plate beyond my own job responsibilities, he said that for me to grow to higher positions, I need to improve my multi-tasking skills, take more risks and delegate more to my team” fumed Sunil.
Me – “Sounds like you feel that was not an entirely justified comment?”
At this Sunil really “took off” and spoke at length about all the things he had been doing that showed he was multi-tasking, taking risks and delegating! He was pretty agitated. I asked him to take a few deep breaths, and let them out, relax and center himself. I offered him a short visualization and he agreed. Then I asked him to revisit the situation in the MD’s office. We did the self-empathy exercise and this is what transpired.
After this self-empathy exercise, Sunil said he felt a deep inner calm. Also, he was somewhat surprised that the root issues playing out inside him were quite different than what he was experiencing at the surface level of his mind.
The role of constructive challenge: Through all stages of the coaching process, constructive challenge can play a very important role. This includes
a) Defining and agreeing powerful goals that will ensure outcomes and results are achieved. Also, questions like “How important is outcome X or aspiration Y amongst various things you are currently working on?” or “What would you like in the current situation to change and how will that be beneficial?” Can be useful in establishing the degree of importance and commitment for change that exists.
b) Identifying or agreeing on the specific shifts in actions or behaviors that will make the difference. For example, questions like “What do you plan to do differently at the next team meeting in order to ensure that everyone expresses their views and owns the decision?”
c) Holding the client accountable: As coaches, we will benefit from keeping in mind the expected changes in attitude, behavior or actions of the client. Asking questions like “Before we proceed to what you would like to work on today, I am keen to hear your progress in setting up an art corner in your home?” can be useful. One can reinforce and encourage if the answer is in the affirmative. On the other hand, if the answer is in the negative, a follow-up question along the lines “ Is something blocking you or getting in the way of your desire to create an art corner?” will lead to discovering any previously unaddressed issues.
d) At times it may be essential to give the client feedback or face the facts. As the Johari Window model indicates, people are not always aware of their behavior and how it affects others. For example, some managers believe they encourage employees to approach them. Yet, many of their behaviors and ways of communicating do exactly the opposite. Unless there is deeper reflection on “what am I doing that has a negative effect on people?”, clients may not recognize the need to fundamentally change their approach and philosophy. Then piecemeal “techniques” may be deployed without materially changing the employees’ fears of approaching the boss! An intervention along the lines – “You were mentioning that most of the times you keep your office door open. Some of the comments in your 360degree feedback however suggest employees hesitate to approach you. Can you help me put this into context?” can support the clients in recognizing that there is a gap between their intent and the effectiveness of their behavior.
A Coaching Case (constructive challenge):
Rajesh is a highly ambitious, hardworking and intelligent SBU Head. Energetic and livewire, he is credited with having changed the business he inherited into a winner. Employees who work with him say they have learned a lot working for him and also that he is genuinely concerned about mentoring their careers. There is however, one issue; his management style. Rajesh has a fairly controlling style, does not tolerate “failure” and has an abrasive style of dealing with it. He is not averse to publicly pulling up people if they do not live up to his expectations. This issue was reported to the Chief Operating Officer (Rajesh’s manager). The COO spoke with Rajesh during performance review discussions and told him that he would be okay with business performance being less effective, but treating people with respect and dignity is paramount. The COO also lowered Rajesh’s rating from “outstanding” to “very good” as a consequence. A 360degree feedback report compiled some weeks after the COO spoke to Rajesh showed that there had been little change in his behavior despite the COO having clearly outlined the organization’s expectations.
After the initial icebreakers, I asked Rajesh to share his perspective on the overall situation leading up to the 360degree feedback contents. Mainly, he seemed upset that his rating had been lowered in spite of outstanding business results. He appeared to hold the view that many other managers at his level tended to be impatient with poor employee performances, but because of a complaint made about him to the COO, he had got singled out. He pointed to his excellent record in having developed talent for the company over the years claiming no other country SBU manager in Asia had as good a record on this. He also said “I have a fantastic equation with our global SBU head, and he was planning an important career advancement for me. Now this issue seems to have put plans for me on the backburner”.
Me: “Oh! What did the your global SBU head say?”
Rajesh: “He said I had the right strategic thinking and business acumen. However, the next role would require high levels of informal influence, Situation Thoughts Actions Feelings collaboration and teamwork skills. He said he continues to see me as a potential candidate, and I should see the current situation not as a problem, but as an opportunity to hone my people skills as it would stand me in good stead in future”.
Me: “So as I understand it, he continues to see you moving to the next role in the future but feels you need to work on your people skills so you can be effective in that role. Is my understanding correct?”
Rajesh: “Yes, that is right.”
Me: “Based on the feedback from COO, global head and your 360degree feedback, what are the main issues that you would like to work on?”
Rajesh: “I suppose it’s more about controlling my frustration and disappointment when someone does not fulfill my expectations when I entrust certain tasks to them”.
Me: “Let’s look at a recent issue that happened and then we will explore what you could have done differently. Would that help?”
To cut a long story short, over the next few sessions, we explored a couple of situations. However, Rajesh’s overall demeanor and body language suggested he appeared to be not fully convinced that he should change the way he reacts and responds in such situations. We then explored his underlying thoughts and feelings. They can be summarized as follows:
1. Thoughts: The following underlying thoughts need to be dealt with for Rajesh to change his actions and behavior.
a) This is a business, not a club. People are paid to perform and are expected to do a good job / raise the bar on their performance if business needs to do better.
b) If I don’t drive the business, and take my foot off the accelerator, people will relax and results will suffer.
c) Failure should not be tolerated. Majority of employees do not have a personal vision of greatness and excellence. They do not take issues seriously enough and become complacent – unless they are made to face the consequences of failures.
d) Publicly ticking them off works. To avoid embarrassment, they are motivated to perform better.
e) Being considerate and trusting people may make them happier. But what is the evidence that it leads to performance excellence?
2. Feelings: Our conversations uncovered the following underlying feelings:
a) Anxiety – As my parents did not have money, I could not do my MBA and am at a disadvantage.
b) Anxiety – I am running out of time from an “age bar” perspective. If I don’t make it to next level within 2 years, I will be out of reckoning for career advancement.
c) Concern –If employees see me as soft and considerate, will I lose control?
d) Anger – Looks as though my “style” is considered a big problem, but fact that a person did not perform up to expectations – should s/he not be dealt with firmly?
e) Self-doubt – People skills are not my forte. Will I be able to motivate and inspire people enough if I change to a softer more considerate approach?
It is clear that unless these dysfunctional thoughts and feelings are dealt with, Rajesh will not be able to “act” and “behave” differently with conviction. We will need to support him constructively challenge the same. Whether he will be able to successfully make the transition or not will only be known in the future. The good news is Rajesh has asked for coaching to support him. In the short term, a couple of solutions have emerged to help him deal with these kinds of situations at the tactical level.
These are:
In conclusion:
Coaching is not just about good dialogues and positive coaching climate. To be sure, these are essentials. End of the day, coaching needs to lead to clear changes in terms of outcomes, behavior and actions in real life. Plumbing the depths of the power of empathy and constructively challenging individuals in the direction of their success in the real world may lead to improved benefits from coaching.
References:
Nonviolent communication: A language of life by Marshall Rosenberg
Dr. Clay Tucker-Ladd: Psychological Self-Help
Joseph Campbell – Reflection on the Art of Living
Peter McWilliams – Thought, Feeling & Action Triangle