Power Tool: Self-doubt vs. Self-confidence

Building Self-Confidence

Opposing thoughts constantly distracts our minds. At times we feel a certain decision might be the right one but we can soon see how its opposite could also work wonders. We follow a rational / logical approach, looking for clues and sound arguments, but we can never elude the mind trap. As long as we focus on our thoughts and live in the realms of our minds (left hemisphere of our brains), we will feel confused and unable to make decisions. Its nature is dualistic.

Our heart, on the other hand, represents the energetic centre where our inner wisdom resides. It is the seat of emotional intelligence. We can train ourselves to sit in that space more often, till it becomes a natural place from which to live and make decisions. It’s a space we can trust since it houses our wisdom; it’s like our personal GPS.

The Key to Self-Confidence

As with any new habit, it might take some practise before it settles in. Self-confidence is like a muscle, the more we build it, the stronger it gets. There are many tools that can aid us in building and nourishing our self-confidence:

Coaching Application

What makes a power tool powerful?

1. It helps clients reframe perspectives (from a disempowering to a more empowering one.)
2. It helps clients reflect on the consequences of holding a certain perspective.
3. It helps create awareness around an issue (or the client’s emotions, beliefs, thoughts, behaviours.)
4. It gives clients a choice!  They can either feel victims of their reality or take responsibility for the lives they want to live.

When a client is making choices from a place of self-doubt, it might be helpful to offer them a different perspective. At the moment of making a decision, we can always follow different roads, each leading to a different outcome. There is no right or wrong direction, just the destination we would like to reach. What is it that we want to experience at the end of the road?

Imagine someone considering a fork (or many forks) in the road; at least two possible directions to choose from. They might wonder whether they are making the right choice, whether they may regret not having taken the other path or if they might be missing out on something. Decisions imply choices; we are leaving out other options or experiences so we want to make sure that the future we will be manifesting and choosing to experiment will bring us joy, peace, and a sense of well being. What if we could know how the present would look like from a future vantage point?

Maybe, the road you’ve always taken has led you to a place called ‘self-doubt’. You’ve been there, so you know there are stones and even rocks along the way; you have in fact tripped over some of those called indecision, fear, doubt, suffering, self-indulgence. As you walked ahead, you felt disempowered, drained, at a loss and even suspicious but found comfort in thinking the way looked familiar; you knew exactly what to expect and happily started settling in your comfort zone. Going down a different path may sound scary, uncertain, risky, but what if you knew that the destination was called ‘self-confidence’? Would you like to experience yourself there? Would you like to give it a go?

Can you visualize yourself in both destinations? How do you feel when you are in self-doubt? Is it a place worth revisiting? How do you feel when you are in self-confidence? Would you like to stay there?

Reflection

1. How can you tell when self-doubt is showing up?
2. Can you trust your thoughts?
3. What would you be able to do without self-doubt / those thoughts?
4. If you were having a conversation with somebody who found it hard to trust him/herself, what would you say to that person so that he/she built more self-confidence?
5. What is this doubt trying to tell you? How is it helping you know more about yourself?
6. If you feed this doubt, what do you think might happen? If you go past this doubt, what do you think might happen?
7. Can you think of someone who is self-confident? What would this person do in this situation? What strengths do you think that person relies on?
8. What would Wisdom / Confidence do right now?
9. How would you feel if you trusted yourself completely? How would your life be different?

Additional powerful questions based on Debbie Ford’s book ‘’The Right Questions’’:

1. Will this choice propel you toward an inspiring future?
2. Will this choice bring you long-term fulfillment?
3. Are you standing in your power?
4. Will this choice add to your life force / energy?
5. Will you use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve?
6. Does this choice empower you?
7. Is this an act of self-love?
8. Is this an act of faith?