Self Application
We have been speaking about kindness towards others. But how kind are we to ourselves? Do we treat ourselves with kindness or do we disregard our own feelings? Does that little voice inside our head say nice things or does it continuously tell us that we are wrong or no good? Negative self-talk can have a profound effect on how we feel about ourselves and what we focus on. We often make ourselves wrong over mistakes that we have made and over life choices that we made either recently or a long time ago. Then perhaps we should ask ourselves if attempting to change the past is worth the effort, since it simply cannot be done, and furthermore, how this negative self-talk is affecting us right now. When we are kind to ourselves, does it make a difference? Does it allow for us to continue on a positive track even if we are not having the best day?
So how does that language we use with ourselves affect us. It stands to reason that when we use kind language to ourselves, it gives us room to be human and make mistakes. Thus it gives us more freedom around the subject at hand and thus enables us to move forward in a positive direction. So then when we use negative language and disregard our own feelings, it tends to paralyze us and prevent us from moving forward. How often have you forgotten to do something and then scolded yourself for it by saying, “you idiot, I can’t believe you did that!”? How did you feel right after that? On the other hand, did you ever forget to do something and simply say, “well I’m only human. It’s not a matter of life and death. I’ll take care of it later” If you have never made this comparison on your own, reread those two statements and then ask yourself how each one mad you feel, right after you read it. Notice the difference. Even the sound of calling yourself an idiot can affect the next several minutes or even the rest of your day. Okay, so if you are constantly calling yourself names or putting yourself down, based on some old tapes or messages you might have gotten from a parent, teacher, or sibling many years ago, how kind and non-judgmental do you think you would be towards your neighbors, your friends and your family now? In fact, you might be cordial to their faces, but might you not be judgmental behind their backs? What kind of relationship do you think you would have with them on that basis? How authentic would it be? These are some things to take a look at as we explore the differences between kindness and disregard.
Self Reflection
Coaching Application
When we further explore the coaching lifestyle and how we behave with our clients, what kind of impression do we want to make? What kind energy do we want to leave them with? Do we want them to feel that they have been treated with kindness or with disregard? One of the ways we can be kind to our clients is by releasing judgment and instead sit in a place of acceptance and support. When we interact with them, we want them to feel like they’ve been taken care of, like their needs were met. So what are some of the ways we can show them that we care about them and their successes? Perhaps we can start off with some acknowledgments. What assignments were they given for the week? If they did those assignments, then we can definitely acknowledge them for that. If they didn’t, then perhaps they had a good reason, something else they had to overcome. Perhaps we could acknowledge them for that. As they tell us about their issues and their action plan, we can inspire them with kindness, by telling them what a great job they are doing and thanking them for sharing with us and for being so open and honest. Sitting in a place of non-judgment and acceptance goes a long way with our clients. It reassures them that they can trust us and that they can count on us to be kind to them and consider their feelings at all times. On the other hand, we can also coach them on being kinder to themselves. We can ask them to reframe their negative beliefs into more positive ones. We can ask them to identify fears they may be having and find out what is behind them? Again are there negative beliefs hiding underneath the surface? This can support them in feeling better about themselves and moving forward with their lives.