AND yes, let the fresh air in!
Let’s look at the same examples by using AND instead of BUT.
Example 1 and 2
Your colleague enters your office and asks for your support. Bad timing … you have to leave … meeting with the Board … You answer: “I really understand you want my help on this presentation AND my schedule is packed full.“
A colleague is suggesting a new approach during a staff meeting. Your supervisor answers: “Thank you for your input AND there is no money for that.”
If we simplify these sentences, the message to the receiver is: “This is true AND this is true too.“
Multiple realities are not competing, they just exist. “You own a piece of the truth, and so do I. Let’s figure out what to do.”
Conclusion
In those examples the sender not only avoids negating the initial clause; he also conveys to the receiver that his/her concerns are acknowledged. The word AND opens a window of opportunity for addressing multiple issues and using new approaches.
Coaching relevance
Coaching is about creating a space of possibilities, positivity, options, open doors, alternatives, … By paying attention to/using positive loaded words during coaching sessions, we can intensify that space.
- Be aware of the subtle influence of the word BUT
- By using the word AND we create an atmosphere of possibilities, hope, … and we invite the client to see it/feel that way. Here are some examples/situations when using AND can be very powerful: