Self Application
As coaches, we can be more effective if we have self-acceptance, bringing about a peace within ourselves that affects others positively. By having self-acceptance and not judging ourselves, we are equipped to move away from judgment of others and convey our acceptance of them. This is a critical skill to hone to be an effective coach.
Spending more time to know ourselves by using tools to dig deeper, such as a journal or a soul collage, will only help us uncover any of our own underlying beliefs that we could address. The more awareness we have about ourselves, the easier it will be to learn from the times we are not feeling our best. We will also know when to say no to what is not true and to emotional hijacking. We can use tools such as self-talk (examples: “I will accept myself no matter what” and “I am enough”) and breathing techniques (example: breathe in acceptance, exhale judgment).
Practicing good self-care is an important part in preserving self-acceptance. This is an ongoing, long term commitment. Self-care is different for each of us, but it is important for us to be aware of what our critical self-care tasks are and make them a priority. Considering the “whole” person – physical, mental, and spiritual – and taking care of each aspect is essential.
And most importantly, we need to focus on the positive. Consider gathering information about what others appreciate about you and what you appreciate about yourself and others, and consider using these as affirmations to reinforce the value you bring to this universe.
Reflection
Coaching Application
Be curious not judgmental – Walt Whitman
One of the important competencies for a coach to develop is curiosity. Letting go of judgment allows coaches to focus on the client and truly express curiosity. In the spirit of curiosity, coaches may start with a blank slate when meeting someone vs. making assumptions; when doing so, the conversation will flow more naturally and the true richness will come out. Keeping a focus on building awareness vs. establishing right or wrong will keep both the coach and client on track. Guiding clients to their own solutions, free of judgment, is another related competency for coaches to focus on relative to this topic.
Helping clients uncover underlying beliefs that hold them back and testing them to see if there is evidence of any truth to those beliefs can be quite powerful on the journey to acceptance. Using tools such as the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet developed by Byron Katie can help clients transform their perspective.
As coaches, we can also help our clients increase awareness of the value of differences by asking powerful questions to clients (examples: what value do others bring?, what do they offer to the situation/our society that is unique and valuable?) and also suggesting activities for them to gain greater awareness to their own judgments such as establishing a ‘buddy’ they trust to call them out on their judgments, or counting how many times they make judgments in a given day and what types of things they tend to judge and why.
A common saying is “don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes”. Coaches may suggest visualization exercises to the client so they can try to imagine what it may be like to walk in someone else’s shoes, to gain greater appreciation and hopefully “acceptance” for someone else’s unique circumstances and unique viewpoint keeping in mind that each individual is one-of-a-kind and experiences the world in their own unique way.
References:
Merriam-Webster online dictionary
Wikipedia online encyclopedia
Heald, Cynthia. (2009). Becoming a Woman of Simplicity, NavPress
Katie, Byron (2013). The Work, www.thework.com