Coaching Application
You can use the above exercise with the client to gain insight about their self-identity, or upon hearing negative or disempowering words used by the client in a coaching session, use the below suggested framework and questioning techniques.
- Listen carefully to the statements they are making about themselves.
- What are the key words that stand out? Explore these.
- What are the words used after “I am”? What kind of words are they?
- Are they empowering, affirmative, positive, encouraging words?
- Or are they disempowering, discouraging, de-valuing words?
- Notice the tone of the voice and any behavioural cues when your client says these things.
- Do these statements help or hinder you?
- How does this view help you with achieving your purpose, your calling, your goal, your direction in life?
There are 5 steps in using this Power Tool when coaching your client:
- Ask the client to identify the ‘I am/I am not’ statements. Reflect the statements back to the client so they can hear what they are saying about themselves and clarify if they still agree with it.
- Help the client explore any statements which produce self-doubt, fear, shame and guilt; disempowering statements which are stopping them from moving forward to their goals. Help them understand why and how this came to be.
- Question their existing beliefs using powerful positive questions to help them determine what they want to believe about themselves and who they want to be.
- Reframe their perspectives by shifting their focus to their goal, what they want to be true; what values are important to them; putting attention to what their strengths and positives about themselves are
- Once they have established these, encourage them to confidently re-affirm their perspective once they can recognize this is the truth for them.
Coaching tool kit
Aside from the identity exercise mentioned above, there are other methods of gaining insight into your client’s self-beliefs and perceptions.
Self Portrait
If the client is more of a visual learner, ask them to draw a self-portrait of themselves.
It can be a real-life portrait or an abstract representation – they can be as creative as they want.
After they have finished, ask them questions regarding their self-portrait and why they have chosen to draw themselves that way, ie. “Can you tell me more about this picture – what does it represent?” “What does this (feature) mean to you?” “What are the key features that stand out from this picture?” “How would someone else describe this picture to you? What words would they use?”
This is a great exercise if the client prefers pictures to words, or if you wish to approach the self-beliefs in an indirect way without having to use strong statements.
Online Assessments
There are a number of well-known and evaluated tests that have proven to be quite effective in giving insight to one’s character, values and strengths, such as:
You can ask the client to do it before the coaching session and review the results with them, or go through the questionnaires with them in the session. Then, using the above 5-step method, explore whether they relate to the results or if there is a different perception on their identity and discuss if there are any disempowering statements or beliefs they might have and what they would like to do with it.
Vision Board
Ask the client to create a vision board for themselves. Using an A3 or A4 paper, decorate the board with empowering words (such as values, quotes, positive emotions etc.), pictures or cut outs from magazines or books – anything that they feel represents them and who they want to be. They can use any materials they like – this a visionary exercise after assessing the current self-beliefs and projecting the attention to a forward-thinking mentality: “Who do I want to be – what kind of person do I want to be?” Ask the client to share their insights from this process and how it feels for them.
Reflection Questions for the client:
Reflection questions for the Coach:
Summary
Being aware of our thoughts and self-beliefs and understanding how it is connected to our identity has a direct impact on our life experiences. Regardless of what form they take, our identity forms the basis of our thoughts, our thoughts lead to action, and repeated action eventually becomes our character. We always have the power to change our reality by firstly tackling our beliefs about our identity. If we can uncover what perspectives are holding us back, then we can make a conscious decision whether to keep or question and change that existing belief. By acknowledging our strengths, values and our realities, we can then be in the powerful position to make change; the greatest change of all – which is the change within ourselves – and that is where change starts to begin.
“I am strong – because I know my weaknesses.
I am beautiful – because I am aware of my flaws.
I am fearless – because I’ve learnt to recognize illusion from reality.
I am wise – because I learn from my mistakes.
I am a lover – because I have felt hate;
And I can laugh – because I have known sadness.”
– Anonymous blogger –
Be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi