A Coaching Power Tool By Monika Steimle, Leadership Coach, GERMANY
My Positive Perspective for My Power Tool Obligation vs. Purpose
As a Transformational Leadership Coach, my focused niche is helping leaders and organizations find their higher purpose and so it is not surprising that ‘Purpose’ has evolved as a positive perspective for my power tool.
When thinking about the challenges my current clients face, I realized that overwhelm was the number one feeling with which my clients enter into our conversations. Overwhelm with their daily tasks, the endless amounts of back-to-back meetings, the speed of change under which they need to operate in their businesses, and the challenges that leaders in the business world face today; on the other side, overwhelmed are also fed by the pull from their home life and a need to be present with their families and other personal obligations. Keeping a healthy balance with all these situations and areas of life seems near impossible for most these days. Often burn out or at least shut down seems to be the only way out.
When we explore what’s behind the overwhelm and my client’s inability to stop or change it, I often hear things like “I have no choice, I need to do this!”, “It’s not something I have the power to change, I am doing what I am asked to do.”, “I definitely don’t want to let my peers or my boss down.”, “We are all caught up in this system.”, “I want to do a good job and I also want to be a good father /mother and be there for my kids, but I seem to not be able to balance this, there is just so much to do. It never stops.” These situations are of course varied in nature. But most of them have the same sense and feeling of desperation and ‘no way out’. It’s just the way things are now.
As I reflected on these situations and why it was difficult for my clients to see a way out of their dilemma I realized that behind many of their ‘must do’s, ‘need’s,’ and ‘have to’s stands a deep sense of obligation. And these obligations often carry an energetic burden, a heaviness, especially when fulfilling them seems impossible.
I wanted to explore where obligation comes from and how it might evoke this feeling of overwhelm and what the antidote to this feeling was. What if, instead, they could come from a place of purpose to view their many commitments and what could that do to their feeling of overwhelm by the many obligations they carry?
Obligation vs. Purpose – A Reflection
First, I wanted to understand obligation more by looking at its definitions and uses in our societies. The Oxford Dictionary describes OBLIGATION:‘as an act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound; a duty or commitment.’Or in the words of Kaarlo Miller (2006): ‘Social obligations refer to the things humans as individuals accept because it is collectively accepted. When people agree to a promise or an agreement, they are collectively consenting to its terms. Humanity is obligated to fulfill that promise or agreement.’
Obligations, therefore, do not come from within us. In fact, they are the answer to a duty or moral commitment to a person, a thing, or a group /collective. An obligation, therefore, is always something in connection with someone or something else. It is not something that comes from within us. It is a commitment that is given or accepted, often in general, and not thought of every time an obligation is made due.
Second, let’s zoom into PURPOSE and its definitions. In the Oxford Dictionary, we can read: ‘The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.’
The Cambridge Dictionary says:‘PURPOSEis – why you do something or why something exists. If you do something on purpose, you do it intentionally, not by accident or because someone told you to do it.’
In my purpose work and in my own experience, something happens, when my clients or I draw from purpose. The action becomes motivated from within, it is also an action that fulfills an aspect of what we need to live with purpose. Therefore, the energy is lighter and I experience flow as I know that these actions are necessary to fulfill my purpose. The activities or tasks might be quite similar to the ones described above, but since they are connected to a deeper meaning and intention, I can act with lightness and flow.
In essence, the dilemma I see for my clients and many of my friends, especially with young families: There is a never-ending pressure to conform to the societal and cultural standards of today. And while we are the most advanced society from a technological perspective, we seem to be far away from using these advances to our own advantage and to make our lives easier. In fact, everyone describes just the opposite. At work, leaders feel obligated to be ‘on’ from 8-8. And while many now have home office opportunities, there they are met with their desire and the pressure to be present for their children spending time with them.
My belief is that an effective approach to meet these life challenges is to become clear about one’s purpose and what they want to eventually create in life; to challenge if the demands someone faces every day lead them closer to or an expression of their own inner purpose. In my own life and work with clients I observe that actions from purpose or intention feel grounded and often have a lightness to them. Being clear on my purpose enables me to rank my activities and tasks and to know where to put my energy and where I might ‘just need to get it done’. If I am ‘on purpose’ then every action I take is intrinsically connected to who I am and what I am here to create. When I am able to prioritize based on my purpose, I may see most things I am able to accomplish as actions that get me closer to my purpose (intention), rather than from a sense of ‘never enough’ or a feeling of failure.
Of course, if no actions or tasks on a daily basis allow me to be purposeful then it’s time to take stock and make larger changes in my life. Then, a ‘Finding your higher purpose’ journey with me might be a good fit for you.
Obligation vs. Purpose Help Flip Their Perspective
With your clients that come from a place of overwhelm in their day to day, explore if the perspective of ‘living from obligation’ is prevailing. You might draw on such questions as these to understand their current situation:
- What does obligation mean to you?
- What creates the feeling of overwhelm?
- What would happen if you stopped doing some of the tasks and actions on your plate?
- Whom do you serve with your daily work?
- How would your life look like if you had only an obligation to yourself?
Once they have clarity and a sense that obligation plays a large role in their life, gently draw out a different perspective to come from their purpose (meaning and intention). Some questions to help flip their perspective to come from a place of purpose:
- What is your own intention in your daily work?
- Describe a meaningful day of work. Why is it meaningful to you?
- How can you create more intention and meaning for you in your daily work?
- When you are living your purpose, what feels different?
- What would living from your own purpose/ intention look like?
- What would you change if your purpose would be the gauge in your work?
- What actions can you take to make it meaningful for yourself?
- How can you be committed to yourself?
- What would you say or change or do, if everything you did was intentional to live your purpose?
References
Oxford Dictionary, 2nd Edition (1989)
Cambridge dictionary
Miller, Kaarlo (2006-06-01). "Social obligation as a reason for action". Cognitive Systems Research. Cognition, Joint Action, and Collective Intentionality.