4. Being in the Void
There are spaces in a coaching journey where the client would have no content, coach would have no question, and the space may seem blank. Temptation may be to fill these spaces with seemingly intelligent questions. I have as a coach, made this mistake. And I have as a client, also endured similar mistake from my coach(s). These voids are often pregnant with meaning, which would & should be delivered when its time has come. Inducing a delivery ahead of its time only stunts the infant’s growth.
One of my poetry acknowledges these voids as …
spaces … vast, deep and abundant
inviting, intriguing
with questions, paradoxes and dilemmasfill them with quiet curiosity
feel them with gentle creativitysoft, tender yet firm … stroke them, cradle them
but don’t own them … don’t label them … don’t drive them
allow them to be … let them evolve
5. The Shadow Dance
There would be times that a client may unconsciously use the coach as container to dump/displace his shadows. Such instances may evoke coach’s own shadows & provoke us to react. Paradoxically, If the coach is able to stay aware of his/her triggered state and continue to be available with respect & humility, it may create a modeling impact on the client.
For example, there have been times, when working with a procratinative client or an intellectually aggressive client or a client who chooses to project his dark onto other characters in his story & sometimes even to me; I have felt variety of shadow emotions in me. Ignoring my triggered shadows, I have ended up becoming reactive or judgmental. In contrast, just by becoming aware & befriending my shadows, the whole experience has changed from annoyance to awareness to appreciative engagement.
Basis my insights about such a shadow dance, I choose to …
Acknowledge my own emerging anxiety/doubt and seek to reframe …
Healthily apologize for my reactive behavior, if any …
Curiously look for the ‘positive intent’ behind the client’s manifest shadow behaviour …
I have often seen, my doing so authentically, inspires the client to open up to his own shadow and accept it without guilt or awkwardness. As Carl Jung suggests …
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
6. Honouring The Voice Of Spirit
The vague intuitions & gut instincts are the voices of the spirit, the all-knowing unconscious. The intuitive voice is uncensored & untutored by the conscious mind; and often says the inner truth. It is immensely enriching for a coach to be willing & able to listen to the unsaid, unarticulated voice of the spirit, both of the client as well his/her own. However, it is also equally important to be gentle, respectful & tentative when sharing such intuition with the client.
The coach may ask/say …
What does the mirror say to you …
Who/what is calling you from inside …
How would you like to honour & engage with what you hear from inside …
7. Allowing
Finally, creating a flowing coaching space is all about allowing things to be, emerge, evolve and choose their natural course. Allowing is about letting an acorn grow to be a mighty oak … not about force-feeding the acorn with the water/air/manure/climate that is right for a mango tree, simply because mango fancies us. It is the destiny of an acorn to be an oak, and allowing is about not interfering with its destiny. It is like Rainer Maria Rilke saying …
May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back.
The coach allows by just being and letting the client be.