Flow … How it works for me
All my work with others … begins with myself.
There are life experiences when I tend to become fixated on doing things a certain way and for a certain kind of outcome. On such occasions, I tend to un-awaringly bound myself, others & the situation itself with my preoccupations & filters. I tend to make success a definitive target, and miss the aliveness of the experience. The more I aim & pursue it with a fixed notion of outcome, the more it tends to become elusive.
It is not always so, but there are times, when I have been able to notice my such fixedmindedness, acknowledge it with authenticity and get in a mindful dialogue with myself. And I have almost always found that just doing so, liberates the moment, sets it free, and creates a sense of abundance. I find it difficult to articulate such an experience in words. But Viktor Frankl explained it so elegantly in his sermons to his students …
… success like happiness, cannot be pursued: it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication or surrender … you have to let it happen … then, in the long run – in the long run, I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it
So the times, I find myself stuck & fixated, I seek inspiration from Frankl’s words and choose to surrender and let it happen. Now this surrender is not about resignation or giving up … instead it is about choosing to allow things to manifest their natural way without interference, rather than insist that they happen the way I fancy.
‘Flow versus Fixate’ in Coaching Context
Coaching work is often about helping our clients get unstuck and rediscover their natural flow & rhythm. Human beings tend to experience both states in varying proportions. Some people may be more adept at flowing, while others more prone to fixation. That said, it is an inherent human capacity to flow with ease and grace. And this is a coach’s responsibility to help his client move towards and be in a state of ‘flow’. Coaching work offers a uniquely empowering space, where coaches must stay acceptant & respectful.
We must continue being curious and interested in their growth. This helps the clients grow beyond their manifest rigidity to a deep calm flowing-ness, accepting & engaging with the event, rather than fixing or altering it. And this calls us to be flowing ourselves.
Journey from ‘Fixate’ to ‘Flow’
To facilitate my own & the client’s journey from fixate to flow, I have experimented with a variety of ways. I share below some of the most meaningful & enabling ones. I would encourage the reader to find their own meaning & preference and if possible create their own ways.
Here are some of the ways I try to work with when journeying or facilitating journey from fixate to flow …
1. Invoking the client’s inherent wisdom
Each one of us has an inherent divine, the all-knowing, all-affirming Self. But it remains buried deep under layers of ego & conscious mind determined agenda & filters. As a coach, I find tremendous power in consciously looking for and invoking that naturally wise and poised being of my client.
It may be helpful to ask/say …
What is your Divine Self like …
What is your core value & higher mission in this situation …
What is your Inner Sage guiding you to be/do in this moment …
What options would make you feel healthy & congruent inside …
2. Humble Inquiry
Humble inquiry is about the exploration & communication that would help figure out what is going to organically work for the client. Humble inquiry shifts the focus beyond the content of the client’s issue/problem and the coach’s expertise. It is important to remember that being stuck in his problem, it is natural for the client to be stuck, clouded & vulnerable. Humble inquiry is about creating a safe, acceptant space where coach affirmatively stirs the client to probe inside, thereby finding his dignity, sense of belief & efficacy and flow.
It may be helpful to ask/say …
Go on …
Say more …
What is the message in this mess …
How can you help yourself …
How can I help …
3. Curiosity
Engaging with client’s exploration with a sense of wonder helps him look at his own experience with new eyes & wisdom. Curiosity is a precious gift of grace. When the coach is appreciatively present to what is unfolding, the client starts to loosen up and enjoy his own emergent discovery. Curiosity is free of deliberate intention & pretense. Curiosity offers a non-threatening space for the client, that settles his worry and lets him be.
Coming from a space of curiosity, the coach may ask/say …
What is the essence of this exploration …
What does this pursuit bring for you …
What is becoming alive for you in this moment …