Step 1: Create self-awareness – identifying the attachment to results brought by expectations
Laura became aware of the attitude induced by her expectations: everyday Laura was used to check her weight, expecting to notice a change on the scale and everyday she was disappointed – it was never enough, never up to her expectations.
Focusing her attention on a daily basis on her achievements versus her expectations put on her a lot of pressure and questioned the relevance of her efforts. She became aware that she was putting more attention on the weight she was supposed to loose rather than on why it was important for her and how she would reach her goal.
Step 2: letting go of the expectations
When Laura realised that her current focus on the outcome was sapping her motivation and her energy, she decided to let go this disempowering perspective and put her energy on the daily efforts necessary to loose weight and feel better.
She stopped to check her weight every day, but instead, would check it only when feeling an improvement.
Step 3: shifting from expectations to intentions
With her coach, Laura came back to her first intentions to loose weight: feeling healthier and lighter, feeling better in her clothes and improving her running time.
Each time Laura was catching herself focusing on the results, she came back to her intentions, focusing all of her attention to her present efforts to loose weight.
Laura started to affirm her intention daily in the morning.
She also joined a mindfulness meditation group once a week to support her to be fully present and detach herself from future outcome, she also learned to practice mindful eating and running.
After a while, Laura was surprised to feel better in her body even if she had only lost few pounds. She realised that she was enjoying her new life style. It became her way of life, not anymore a six-months race to loose weight. She was very proud of herself.
Looking at her weight management plan as a journey, not a destination Laura enjoyed the process and was able to achieve her objectives.
Self-application
We all have expectations: our own expectations or expectations set by others for us, expectations regarding our job, our carrier, expectations for our kids, expectations in our relationships, even expectations regarding our next holidays…
Unfortunately, for most of us, there is a gap between our expectations and their achievements or fulfilments. Many of us experience stress, frustration or disappointment that disempower us when things don’t go exactly the way they are expected to. Those negative feelings come from the attachment to the results/outcome associated with our expectations.
By choosing to live with intention, and let go of any attachment to a specific outcome, we can reclaim our power and decide to put our energy in the present. We choose to let go of the form something takes and choose instead to connect to the essence of it – the underlying intention. The process of reaching, becomes more important than the event of arriving.
It is what Jagdish Parikh call “Detached Involvement”. It is the capacity to remain detached from the expectation of the actual results, while keeping in touch with our intentions and commitment to them. This way, we can give greater attention and energy to our efforts and actions in the present.