All through her school life, she had been a top scorer. However, in college, though she continued to be good in studies, she was not able to make any friends. All the friends that she did make, always had something negative to say about her. Not being able to take this feedback or understand their perspective, she ended up breaking the friendship and distancing herself from her friends. The result was that she was alone and lonely.
Anita knew that an Organisation was all about people networking and she was really worried how she would fare. The result of this constant worry was that she had sleepless nights and was unable to focus on the training at hand.
Being able to accept oneself is truly empowering
Once we are able to reflect quietly, look within and understand ourselves, we are then in a position to accept what we are and thus there is self acceptance and self love. This self love is empowering and prevents us from self doubt and self criticism, which in turn leads us to a really dark space.
Acceptance and understanding creates knowledge
With the help of a coach, once Anita was able to accept and understand her true self and potential, her strengths and limitations, she was able to use this knowledge to work on her strengths. By reframing her perspectives about herself and about what others were saying, she was able to move from the dark space of self doubt to a place of light, i.e. self belief and self love.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness….
Only light can do that!
Martin Luther King
Using “The dance of insight” (reference David Rock)
Through “The Dance of Insight” people are able to establish new connections within themselves, thus encouraging them towards those ‘aha’ moments, which are similar to a ray of sunshine, breaking through the dark cloud!!
Coaching Application
As Coaches, we need to be constantly mindful of the space from where the client is coming from and believe intrinsically that he/she has all the answers and we are here to just nudge them from the dark space to a space of light (the aha moment).
The darkness could be caused due to some self limiting beliefs, perspectives, fears, feeling of helplessness or any other thoughts / doubts.
The Coach needs to listen for these dark spaces and believe that by powerful questioning, the client can see the light –
- What is the belief that is causing this?
- What will help you reframe your perspective about yourself?
- Do you have a sense of what you want to do, and want to explore that with me?
Anita – The Case Study
In the case of Anita, the Coach needs to be aware from the conversation about the dark spaces within Anita – her self doubt, her self criticism on account of receiving constant negative feedback, her body posture, her way of talking.
It would be necessary for the Coach to listen to Anita and acknowledge her successes as she is in great need to belief in herself. The Coach would also need to ask Anita about the strengths that she sees in herself and to take a moment to reflect on them and acknowledge herself about them. By doing this the Coach would be instrumental in leading Anita from darkness (ignorance about herself) to light (knowledge about herself).
The Coach would need to then gently nudge Anita to reflect on how she can reframe her perspective about herself? What actions she can take to improve her self belief ? How can she accept feedback positively?
Reflection :
- What aspects of your personality represent light and what are the dark spaces?
- How do you think you can become aware of the dark spaces and move towards your light?
- Is it important for a person to move from ignorance about oneself to knowledge about oneself? How will this help?
- Please share few applications of this Power Tool in your coaching process.