A Coaching Power Tool Created by Maaike Christie-Beekman
(Presentation, Presence & Performance Coach, Career & Artrepreneur Coach, NEW ZEALAND)
Reflection
People who are trying to improve their presentation, interaction style and/or communication skills, often have a very clear idea of what they want to improve and/or who they want to become; can describe the behaviour that would make them successful. They also can identify a performer, presenter or leader they admire and who in their opinion embodies all the skills and behaviours they would like to have.
Yet, when it comes to making the change themselves, they get stuck and struggle with making the actual changes. What is holding somebody back to improve a skill, change a behaviour or habit, while they are very clear on what they need to improve/change and why? What challenge is getting in the way?
The challenge they are facing is two-fold:
- They don’t have the techniques or tools to improve their presentation and communication style
- They are being held back by their own emotions: fear, judgement, insecurity, lack of self-confidence, and the list goes on.
The second point can be so overpowering that it can even have a negative impact on the practice of new techniques and testing out of new tools.
I have encountered this struggle many times myself:
When I was studying singing to become a performing artist, I was asked to ‘be myself’ on stage, show my inner world to others, walk on stage with a great physical presence and draw attention to myself, perfect my technical craft and artistry and then perform in a natural way.
I knew very well that this was important to become a charismatic and skilled performer, I even could do all this if I was alone without anybody present, but putting this in action on stage with others present felt like an impossible task.
Although it sometimes just required a subtle change such as “bring more stillness into your performance” or “keep your eyes focused on the other”, it felt like a world away from what I thought I could do. I didn’t even know what was holding me back, I just knew that I couldn’t do it.
One of my teachers compared this once with learning how to swim. He said: “This is the same as trusting that you can stay afloat without holding onto the side of the pool. It is easier said than done and feels like something too big a step, but the moment you do it and you are successful, it feels like the smallest step ever!”
I had to step out of my comfort zone, step into the unknown – a place that I hadn’t explored before, where I lacked control of my surroundings and myself.
So what was holding me back? What made me be able for instance to do something when I was alone, but the moment I was surrounded by others I didn’t dare to take that step? What was holding me back?
- Not understanding what my current strengths were and what I did well
- Not knowing what I needed to change or do as the first step towards change
A big breakthrough happened when I attended a workshop on acting. The angle that the teacher took was different:
- every exercise was slightly out of the comfort zone, but with enough elements there to still feel like you can do it
- there was enough time with every exercise to become comfortable in it before moving on to the next step
Although this was just a one-off workshop, it built the path for me to start experimenting and feeling comfortable to work on the fringe of my comfort zone – I learnt how to constantly shift between comfort and discomfort and use both to my advantage. I felt more confident, in control, less fearful, enjoyed the experimenting, got in the flow of learning new skills.
Over the years I have been in similar situations; being pushed outside my comfort zone by teachers, trainers, directors, conductors, colleagues and peers. There have always been moments that I found it a crippling experience, but because of my earlier experience, and with it the ability to shift between comfort and discomfort and play on the fringe, I learned to:
Perspective
The challenge I was facing and many of my current clients with me, is when having to learn new skills, habits or behaviours, you have to step out of your comfort zone into a state of relative anxiety – a space where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. Let’s call it ‘Optimal Tension, and it’s just outside of our comfort zone.
Being too much in our comfort zone means that we are in a behavioural space where our activities and behaviours fit a routine and pattern that minimises stress and risk but can also lead to unproductivity, boredom and stagnation. Too much anxiety and we’re too stressed to be productive and our performance drops off sharply. If we push ourselves too hard out of our comfort zone, it can have a negative result and can reinforce the feeling that challenging ourselves is a bad idea. It’s our natural tendency to get back to an anxiety-neutral, comfortable state.
Although there has been a lot of research done on working on the fringe of your comfort zone and the positive impact it has (it can help people grow and develop themselves further, be more productive and increase confidence), I still feel I could have done with some tools to deal with how to play on the fringe of my comfort zone as a performing artist. How can I support others who feel stuck knowing they have to make a change, but don’t know where to start and lack trust that they will be successful.
I would like to look at how to change the perspective of how we perceive our comfort zone and discomfort, and how this change in perspective creates freedom and confidence to bridge the gap and allows us to play on the fringe of our comfort zone.
So what do comfort and discomfort mean?
Comfort is the space where we experience freedom from pain and discomfort, it is an alleviation from distress, fear and grief. It is the state in which we can fully relax
- It means that we are in a behavioural space where our activities and behaviours fit a routine and pattern that minimises stress and risk; it provides a state of mental security.
- You benefit in obvious ways: regular happiness, low anxiety and reduced stress.
- Relative comfort creates a steady level of performance.
- This is a great space to be in, this is where we would like to be as a performer. Comfortable on stage, relaxed and at ease, ready to deal with anything that is coming our way.
- Comfort can get us bored and lacks challenge. It can:
Discomfort is the state where we don’t feel at ease, where we experience uneasiness, fear, anxiousness, embarrassment
There is merit in both states and both need to be explored and embraced to get to the new improved you. But not before we have a brief look at the feelings, responses and reactions that make us feel stuck and not able to step out of our comfort zone:
Too much anxiety and we’re too stressed to be productive and our performance drops off sharply. If we push ourselves too hard out of our comfort zone, it can have a negative result and can reinforce the feeling that challenging ourselves is a bad idea. It’s our natural tendency to get back to our comfortable state.
Our comfort zone and how far it stretches is different for every individual and can change over time. What you might find exciting and inspiring, might be paralysing to the other. Optimal tension can bring out your best, and it is your job to find out what your optimal tension level is.
So let’s reconsider how we can reframe comfort and discomfort so that you can make space for truly embracing learning and growth and start understanding what your optimal tension level is:
Reframing Comfort and Discomfort
Being in our comfort zone can help you to:
- This can help you to look at the world with curiosity, analyse other people’s behaviours and skills and the impact it has;
- This helps you to identify what you actually need to improve and change.
- It helps identify the gap you have and the steps you need to take to bridge the gap.
- Please note: this means that you are embracing where you currently are in your development and valuing your current level of skills, strengths and achievements!
Being in discomfort / out of our comfort zone can help you to:
Application
Play on the Fringe
Today’s society, in my opinion, has put a negative connotation to being in our comfort zone. We celebrate the people who are constantly pushing themselves to greater things, bigger developments etc.
And although stepping out of our comfort zone is the way we grow, improve, learn and deal with what life throws at us, we only are able to truly make this happen when we are doing the subtle dance of stepping in and out of our comfort zone.
We have to embrace our comfort zone; embrace who we are, our current level of skills and strengths. Create self-awareness and observing the obstacles – what is holding us back mentally and technically. This is a place that helps us to ‘regroup’, analyse and prepare for our next learning.
With this awareness, we feel ready and empowered to ‘dive in’ and embrace the creativity and excitement of being out of our comfort zone. Either because we have created a ‘controlled’ experiment or just because we have embraced the unknown and welcome the challenge without any judgment of what the outcome will be.
This new perspective helps us to be more targeted in were to step out of our comfort zone and makes us more flexible to move between comfort and discomfort so that we truly can play on the fringe of our comfort zone and slowly but steadily more towards where the magic happens.